I want to tell you guys that since I've been here last, in the past 3 months my life has been changed completely thanks to Gd, to this program of 12 steps of recovery and the Big Book. My relationship with my wife has changed, my relationship with my kids has changed, my relationship with other human beings has changed!

I've been in the program now for about two-and-a-half years, and I was acting as a dry drunk. I had sobriety but I had no recovery at all. Now, I have a Higher Power - God - Who loves me unconditionally, no matter what I do. Every morning, I ask God to know His Will and to do His Will, because whatever His Will is that's what's going to happen today. As the result of this daily surrender, my lust is much lower, rage is so much lower, life becomes much better. Not only that, I'm at peace with myself and I'm calm.

About two months ago, my wife looked at me and told me, "Niv, I want what you have, and I'm jealous of you." I never even dreamed I would ever hear these words! I feel completely changed. I feel like I'm a new person. I'm not perfect, but it's much better than before. I fired myself in step 3, I do not run the world anymore, I have a God Who runs the world, and I turned to Him. Even my business is doing a little better now, and even if a business is not doing better, I'm going to be OK because no matter what happens in my life, I have a God Who loves me unconditionally.

Someone recently left a note on my truck, saying that I'm a liar and I'm a thief, and I work the fourth step about it, and I asked God to remove my fear and resentment towards his person. If this was a year ago, I probably would have killed myself but, thanks to the program, I didn't.

So many miracles to be grateful for!

The Israelites had to rush out of Egypt so fast, they didn't have time for their bread to rise. Why? Does that make sense? What was the rush exactly? The Egyptians had just been blasted with ten plagues as divine punishment for holding the Israelites captive, they were more than ready to let them go. So why rush things? Couldn't they have spent the few extra minutes it takes to let the bread rise and make proper sandwiches for the trip?

Tomorrow is 20 weeks clean for me! My goal is no more lusting and I feel like I am almost there. When I say lusting, I am referring to the act of thinking bad thoughts or staring at women for the sole purpose of getting that 'tingly feeling'. What I now realize is that doing those things and looking at p-rn online are essentially the same thing: food for my addiction to lust. And if you stop feeding the addiction, he dies. I'm living proof to the truth of that statement. People need to understand that giving up lusting completely is not just an add-on. In reality, it is the ONLY way to actually quit forever. Like Boruch keeps saying (see chizuk e-mails #447 and 448 on this page), if you hold onto the lust while trying to give up the behavior, you are doomed to failure. It's like the guy who immerses in the mikvah while holding a sheretz. If you want to be purified, you have to let go of the sheretz - which in this case is "lust".

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.