You're not to blame.
Hashem has given us an illness.
Simple as that.
You were handed today's fall.
He gave us this sickness because if we approach it correctly, it can lead us to the greatest heights!!
Through the sickness & From the sickness!
You're not a bad person.
Chas veshalom!
In fact, I can't imagine calling anyone on this forum "bad".
Struggling souls.
Yidden with the amazing courage to face their deepest secrets and insecurities.
Bad?
The HOLIEST OF THE HOLY!!
G-d is not angry at you for falling.
I can pretty much promise you that.
He's obsessed with you!!

You think 90 days is what it's all about?
I am finally living a more lust-free life than I have lived in a long time.
What counts is that I am clean today!

The therapy... is where its at.
Duvid Chaim's phone calls...
Reshaping our perspective on Hashem and life... is what it's about.
Connecting with people... is where it's at.

I think the real turning point for me in not getting tortured by my falls was when I realized that my life had become about falling or not falling.
And my addiction therapist said STOP.
Since when was life supposed to be about "surviving?"
Another day making it without acting-out or going crazy?
I was always worried about one or the other.
Either I was acting out or trying to survive without acting out.
And life SUCKED.
Because I wasn't able to just live life with all my heart and soul.
I wasn't able to relax.
It's like I was always drowning and trying to keep my head above the water.
But everyone knows that when a drowning person struggles, he's in great danger.
The way not to drown is to just "let go".
Let yourself sink.
And you'll naturally float back up.
By struggling, you're just wasting all of your energy.
And at that moment, I firmly decided that from then on, I would start living.
And the past weeks have been so beautiful.
I can breathe in the air freely.
I spent half the afternoon the other day rolling down hills with my younger siblings...
A freedom I never thought I would have.
I have just started living.
Not "surviving".
And it's beautiful.

Now when I fall (which incidentally is much less often) I just say to myself,
"I guess I'll have to work a little harder on connecting to life again".
I don't have to go crazy.
My life is not dependant on acting out - or not.
I'm just... LIVING

The more I read through the posts here on the GYE forum, the smaller I feel. Everybody here has an incredible drive for truth, and an unbelievable WILL (no pun intended). I came here a few days ago thinking I knew a bit about a few things, and now I shamefully hang my head realizing that I know nothing about anything. Everybody here has given me tremendous chizuk, whether they realize it or not... and it is that chizuk that forces me to stare my biggest problem in the eye. Baruch Hashem, not acting out is an easier battle for me now... and it was perhaps the victory of that skirmish (breaking the cycle) that made me think I was almost done... but I have conveniently neglected the root of it all: Shmiras Einayim. It is extremely hard for me to keep my eyes to myself. Unbelievably hard. But with Elul here, I cannot ask Hashem for forgiveness of my past if I have not done my part. For the next 90 days, I will give Shmiras Einayim my every effort. And I don't care how hard it is.

So here I am, trembling as I think about the challenge of the coming months... But I do know one thing... Yetzer Hara? You goin down!

Rav Yehudah Leib Ashlag, the Ba'al Hasulam, once said "What's the difference between Gashmius (physical pleasures) and Ruchnius (spiritual pleasures)? Gashmius everyone wants, but once you have it, there is no feeling of fulfillment. Ruchniyus on the other hand, nobody wants, but when you have it, there is such a deep feeling of fulfillment!"

How true this is with the pursuit of sexual pleasures. The whole world is running after it, almost everything in the media revolves around the "desire" for it. But you'll seldom, if ever, hear someone talk about how good he feels after it's over. It's all "want, want want" with no fulfillment. Spirituality on the other hand, no one seems to want. But someone who has it, there's no need to ask him how enlightened and uplifted his life feels!

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.