4 people you should tell..
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1417  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Like Father Like Son
Editor’s Note: Accountability: 4 People You Need To Tell About Your Porn Addiction
Practical Tips: Meditation
Announcements: GYE Newsletter App Upgrade
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Image of the Day
Like Father Like Son
Like Father Like Son
Editor’s Note
Accountability: 4 People You Need To Tell About Your Porn Addiction


Anyone who has tried to quit watching porn before probably knows that it is a lot harder to do alone. This is because pornography feeds off of our isolation and makes it harder and harder to get help. Even though it’s hard, involving important people in our journey to recovery is a HUGE step for almost every Fortifier.

Ok, but that raises some very crucial questions before we take that step.

Who exactly should we talk to? Should I tell all of them, or just a couple? What if they don’t understand or get angry? And more than that how do we get around the guilt, shame and embarrassment we feel about our addiction?

No two Fortifiers will have exactly the same answer but here a some people you can start your search with and a couple suggestions on how to approach them. A lot of these categories will overlap, but that’s ok. There is no real limit to who you should tell about your struggles. It is a personal choice that you should consider carefully, but it doesn’t have to be just one person. And let’s be honest, most of us could use all the help we can get.

The People Who Take Care Of You

This could actually mean something very different for a lot of people but it is still a good place to start. For many of us this is a parent, spouse or other relative but for others your main caretaker could exist outside your family. Often people will talk to school counselors/officials and religious leaders. Whatever your situation the key here is to seek out someone who will have your best interests at heart and be capable of investing in your recovery.

The People You Love

Almost always this type of person will also be, in some way, a caretaker in your life. However, it is worth mentioning for one special reason; these people deserve honesty. Be they romantic or platonic, your love relationships should be based on trust. Opening up to the people you are closest to gives you a chance to grow together through vulnerability. Learning to earn someone’s trust can be very rewarding and teach you to trust yourself.

The People You Trust

We understand that not everyone has an ideal family or social life. In many cases it can very difficult for people to find someone who can really be a part of their recovery. When looking at your friends and peers make sure you choose someone who you can trust. An accountability partner should always be someone who understands what you are up against and wants to help you meet your goals.

The People Who Need Your Help

As you begin to open up and share with those around you, it is likely you will discover others going through the same thing. This can be a great opportunity for the both of you. Forming a close-knit group of friends and supporters who are all on the journey to recovery together is an amazing resource. It is not something that you should force, but if the opportunity arises to seek change together with a peer be sure that you are both fully committed to recovery.

How To Start The Conversation

The first rule of talking about your addiction is honesty. There is no need for gory details but there is need for absolute truth.

With whoever you approach with your struggles be earnest in expressing your need for help and your desire to change. There is no specific formula of what to say but if you need some inspiration try something like this:

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second? I trust you a lot and that’s why I am talking to you now. I think I need your help with something that I’ve been struggling with. I want you to understand that I have tried to deal with it on my own for some time but feel that to truly overcome this I will need your help and possibly the help of others. I’ve been struggling with pornography, and after learning that it can be just as addictive as other drugs, I realized that I couldn’t overcome it on my own. So I started the Fortify program—a program developed for teens struggling with an addiction to pornography—and it has helped me understand the importance of getting someone like you involved. I feel like I need to be accountable to somebody, and I’m hoping that you will be willing to be that person. Will you be my accountability partner? It would help if we got together at least once a week to talk about my challenges and progress as well as discuss ideas on how I can continue to improve. It might be good if you also monitored my Internet usage using accountability software to help me stay focused. I may eventually invite others to help as well to strengthen my support and chances of recovery. This is a very personal issue and I trust that you will keep this between us until I am comfortable opening up to others. Thank you for listening and understanding. That means a lot to me and I already feel more confident in my ability to beat this with your help.”

If you’re still stumped you can try breaking the ice with this video: http://bit.ly/1glI7Du. This will not only help them understand your struggle but also briefly explain the nature of porn addiction and coach accountability partners on some things they can help with. It isn’t the most directly personal approach but it can be a really powerful way to start some good conversations.

Remember, your addiction is a prison built on secrets, lies, shame, and isolation. Every time you open up to someone in honesty and love you are breaking down another chunk of those walls. Keep at it until you are free and there is nothing but a pile of rubble behind you.

From Fortifyprogram.com

Copyright Disclaimer.


Practical Tips
By Elya

Guided meditation works wonders. It's a form of hypnosis, I think. Some people use this addiction as their way to medicate themselves when they are anxious, angry, bored, etc. Some people use alcohol, work, food, etc. But the calm peace, learning to live in the moment, is the single, most effective way to stay sober. When you're not worrying about the future, because you have Emunah in Hashem and you've made amends with your past, you cannot act out in your addiction. It's taking these past experiences and traumas which sometimes still haunt us, making peace with them and then getting on with the business of life. Learn mindfulness, learn meditation (Aryeh Kaplan's Jewish Meditation), learn how to live in the present moment and you will heal.

For more on Hypnosis and Meditation techniques see this page of our website.

GYE Newsletter App Upgrade
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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