Your measure of Success: Saving the World or Helping a Child?
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1393  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day: Measure of your success
Series: The Science of Habit Change
Editor’s Note: Correction
Daily Dose of Dov: Become A Child Again
Chizuk: A little light banishes a LOT of darkness!
Personal Stories: I used masturbation as an anti-depressant
Links: Porn In The Classroom?
 
 
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Image of the Day
 
Measure of your success
 
Measure of your success
Series
 
The Science of Habit Change
 
Part 7/14
 
By the.guard

Click here to listen and/or download this article as a professionally recorded AUDIO BOOK (45 minutes).

So what’s the magic formula for Habit Change?

From the appendix to The Power of Habit:

The difficult thing about studying the science of habits is that most people, when they hear about this field of research, want to know the secret formula for quickly changing any habit. If scientists have discovered how these patterns work, then it stands to reason that they must have also found a recipe for rapid change, right?

If only it were that easy.

It’s not that formulas don’t exist. The problem is that there isn’t one formula for changing habits. There are thousands.

Individuals and habits are all different, and so the specifics of diagnosing and changing the patterns in our lives differ from person to person and behavior to behavior. Giving up cigarettes is different than curbing overeating, which is different from changing how you communicate with your spouse, which is different from how you prioritize tasks at work. What’s more, each person’s habits are driven by different cravings.

As a result, there is no one prescription. Rather, we hope to deliver something else: a framework for understanding how habits work and a guide to experimenting with how they might change. Some habits yield easily to analysis and influence. Others are more complex and obstinate, and require prolonged study. And for others, change is a process that never fully concludes.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t occur. The framework described in this appendix is an attempt to distill, in a very basic way, the tactics that researchers have found for diagnosing and shaping habits within our own lives. This isn’t meant to be comprehensive. This is merely a practical guide, a place to start.

Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.

THE FRAMEWORK:

  • Identify the routine
  • Experiment with rewards
  • Isolate the cue
  • Have a plan

To be continued...
Editor’s Note
 
Correction

Dear Chevrah,

it has come to our attention that there was a mistake in yesterday's Dose of Dov.

We have reprinted an article from 6 years ago without saying so, and it said that Dov is sober for "only" 12 years.

Please rest assured that Dov is still sober and going strong, and has been for over 18 years now.

Throughout our website, you will find various Dov's articles with different sobriety lengths. This merely accounts for a fact that Dov has been a regular contributor for many years, and the article atributing him with 12 or 15 years of SA sobriety is simply few years old. It is prudent, however, to correct the number when reprinting the article in the newsletter, and we will be more careful in the future.

I appologize for any confusion and heartache this error may have caused.

Wishing you and me another sober day,

Mottel

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Become A Child Again
 
By Dov

I imagine that Hashem looks at us like I sometimes look at my three-year-old. I think, boy, I'll miss the pitter-patter slapping of her feet in a year Iy"h when she starts walking more "normally" instead of excitedly rushing everywhere! The way her mop of hair flops up and down as she runs down the hall. The way she doesn't really know (or care) what the heck is "really going on" because she is all wrapped up in whatever's right in front of her; it's the most important thing in the world, of course! Usually it is a doll with lots of hopelessly tangled hair, or something. Then she'll drop it on the floor and go on to the next thing... She trusts her parents implicitly and totally - there is no room for any other provider of her needs. No room for fear of the future nor for regret about the past. As most kids do, she quickly accepts things exactly as they are and figures out how to have fun with it because, guess what? There's nothing else to have fun with but reality, is there? I look at her her and think, "My, how cute and sweet!" I feel certain that Hashem sees us that way, especially in early recovery when just getting through the day often requires simple, single-minded focus on the next right step.

Chizuk
 
A little light banishes a LOT of darkness!
 
Rabbosai, here is a SHOCKING e-mail that I received from a Rebbe in a vibrant Jewish community:
 
By GYE

I am a Rebbe in a small Yeshivah where I deal with regular frum middle-school age boys who have not had much success in the regular school systems for various reasons. It was recently brought to my attention that many of these boys, ages 11-14 are addicted to pornography and hotzoas zera livatala. They view this as if it were normal and not even something to work on. After speaking with my Rav, I have been working privately, and recently in a more public setting, with them in this matter. I have a honest and non-judgmental relationship with them which helps them stay honest with me, knowing that I am there for them. I have instituted rewards and almost daily "check-ups" to help them fight these urges for the first time. Already I have seen a lot of success... more than I expected, actually. Many of them do not even know that this is assur, and they couldn't believe me when I said looking and thinking about these things is not allowed from the Torah. Hopefully, I will slowly and persistently work with them on this topic. I have even read some of the stories from your website to them, to show them where this can lead, in the hopes of sparking their input.

Read more
Personal Stories
 
I used masturbation as an anti-depressant
 
By Anonymous

Today I would like to share with you the recovery story of a non-Jew, who saw our site www.guardureyes.com and send us his story to help inspire others...

Read more
Links
 

Think back to the time when you first started using pornography. How old were you? What got you started? Perhaps it was finding magazines in your own home or at a friend or family member’s home? If you’re younger, maybe it was accidentally finding “stuff” online during a web search. Regardless of your age or the times you grew up in, the common history for people who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, such as an addiction to pornography, points to a lack of information or guidance around the topic. Exactly how do young people learn about pornography and the messages porn delivers?

How do you think it would have been different for you if you had received more information or an education on porn? A current excellent article on porn in the classroom is making waves. The sexologist, Professor Christian Graugaard, lives in Denmark, a country that has been at the vanguard on the topic of pornography. Teaching about porn in schools in the US or other more conservative countries would certainly meet with a lot of resistance … but finding a way to bring the discussion to light is vital. This is not lost on those of us who have struggled mightily with porn in our lives.

Porn In The Classroom?

This link will take you to a site outside of GYE network. We believe it is a great resource to those who struggle with compulsive porn use and sexual acting out. 

Compulsion Solutions
43 Quail Court, Ste. 208
Walnut Creek, CA 94596

Phone: 925-932-0201
Email: info@compulsionsolutions.com

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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