While leaving my house late Saturday night, my father asked me to log him off from his Facebook (as he had just started an account and he is not exactly a computer whiz). Something dawned on me. Why does he want me to log him off?

This is truly wonderful! I've received a huge bracha to be able to reach this point. After a good 20+ years of addiction, I'd totally given up on ever getting near healed and simply accepted that this was my affliction in life, my pain and burden that I had to bear (along with all the knock-on effects of carrying it).

In the last 90 days, not only have I felt much better about myself, I have strived in so many areas of my life (marriage, friends, work, etc). I never knew I was capable of all of these rapid improvements! But as I started to see results, I just kept reminding myself that my self-esteem was more precious than any pain-killing image, and that's how I got to 90 days. I'm obviously very scared to slip, now that I realize how much I have to lose.

I had wonderful support from my sponsor; just knowing he was on the end of a text message or email kept me very sane. He's on the other side of the world from me, but like a true brother.

And so I say to anyone reading this who thinks it will never end: "please, please think of yourself, do yourself a massive kindness and put the shmutz down. You think you need it, you think there's no escape but it isn't true. I promise!"

Thank you, GYE, for giving me my life back after 20+ years!!!

With love

Noah

The Golden Rule of Habit Change

Studies have shown that you can never really extinguish habits (as they say in the 12-Step groups “Once an addict always an addict”). But understanding how habits work—or, understanding the habit loop—makes them easier to control.

To change a habit, we only need to attack the middle step, the routine. It’s easier to adopt a new behavior if there’s something familiar at the beginning and end. And that’s the Golden Rule of Habit Change, which is based on keeping the old cue, delivering the old reward, but inserting a new routine.

If you use the same cue, and provide the same reward, you can shift the routine and change the habit. Almost any behavior can be transformed if the cue and reward stay the same.

The Golden Rule has influenced treatments for alcoholism, obesity, obsessive compulsive disorders, and hundreds of other destructive behaviors, and understanding it can help anyone change their own habits. (Attempts to give up snacking, for instance, will often fail unless there’s a new routine to satisfy old cues and reward urges. A smoker usually can’t quit unless he finds some activity to replace cigarettes when the nicotine craving is triggered.)

It sounds easy in theory, but given the strength of most habit loops, changing behaviors can be very difficult.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.