Zos Chanukah!
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1385  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day
Editor’s Note: Peeling Scabs and Shmiras Einayim
12 Step Attitude: Hashem is Holding Me
Daily Dose of Dov: Humble, not Humiliated
Torah: Let Him Shine for Us
Torah: Using Chanukah Correctly
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Image of the Day
Editor’s Note
Peeling Scabs and Shmiras Einayim


One small kabala for "Zos Chanuka"


It says in the Sefarim that Zos Chanukah is the G'mar - the sealing of the judgement and the last chance for those who still haven't been able to do Teshuvah since Rosh Hashana... 

I wanted to share something from personal experience. For years, I had difficulty to avoid peeling scabs on Shabbos, even though it is prohibited. No matter how many times I tried to stop, I kept finding myself touching scabs on my face or head, and once I started touching them with my fingernails, it was impossible to resist scraping them off. One day, a tragedy occurred in my community and everyone was asked to strengthen themselves in one area. I made a shvuah that for a half a year I would not let my fingernails touch my head on Shabbos, unless I needed to scratch an itch. I found that this really worked. As long as I didn't start touching the scabs with my fingernails, it was not even a test! 

I think we can apply the same to Shmiras Einayim. So many of us keep trying and falling in this area. We make kabalos and keep starting over, but we somehow never seem to be able to hold it for long. But what if we could somehow AVOID the nisayon in some small way, like not "touching" the scabs in the example above? 

Let us try to make one small Kabala on this special day of Zos Chanukah, that for one month we will try our very best not to look outside of our 4-Amos when walking in the street. You see, as long as we are used to looking all around, it is like touching the scabs. It becomes almost impossible to resist gazing at things we shouldn't. But if we manage to "stay out of the boxing rink" and keep our eyes down whenever we are outside, the nisayon becomes SO MUCH easier to deal with!

It is true that this Kabala won't help for everything. It won't work for when we are on the computer, and it is also hard to implement when we are driving behind the wheel in our cars and are forced to keep our eyes up on the road. But let us start at least with this one small - but powerful - Kabala, that as long as we are WALKING outside we will keep our eyes down within our own 4 cubits and focus on just getting done whatever it is that we set out to do, and avoid being "tourists".

From experience, this plan works wonders. As long as our eyes aren't darting everywhere it becomes so much easier to succeed in Shmiras Einayim on the street! What once seemed impossible is now within reach.

May we all succeed in doing real Teshuva and giving our hearts to Hashem on this special day.


12 Step Attitude
Hashem is Holding Me
By Hashem's Soldier

I'm sure you've heard the famous poem about two sets of footprints in the sand... This guy died and went up to heaven and was looking back at his whole life and always saw two sets of footprints. And G-d told him that one of them is yours and one of them is mine, I always walked beside you. And the guy sees at one point only one set of footprints and says, "I KNEW IT, I KNEW THAT AT THOSE TIMES THINGS WERE SO DIFFICULT THAT I WOULD CRY OUT TO YOU AND I WOULD TRY SO HARD TO DO BETTER AND GET YOUR ATTENTION, BUT I NEVER GOT YOUR ATTENTION, I KNEW THAT YOU HAD LEFT ME!". And G-d responded to him and said, "those footsteps aren't your footsteps, they are my footsteps. I was holding you in my arms".

After years of trying to take control of my life and throw away this addiction, I joined the phone conferences with Duvid Chaim, and I am growing so much. I am learning to surrender to Hashem. I feel like the guy in the story, the only difference is that I don't feel abandoned by Hashem anymore. Now, instead of Hashem picking me up, I'm crawling onto his shoulders before he even needs to pick me up.

I have been doing much better this time around, I'm actually flying through the days. I'm not white-knuckling. I'm giving all of my struggles over to Hashem.

Daily Dose of Dov
Humble, not Humiliated
By Dov

We work the steps because we have no choice but to stay sober and we recognize that we need to learn to think and live a different way, rather than just improve ourselves - while keeping most of what we had before that got us in this mess to begin with! (editor's note: see the saying above by Albert Einstein)

Surprisingly, this sometimes uncomfortable attitude (of admitting we are sick and have no choice - step 1), may be our only hope for any humility. Our old way of looking at ourselves as "bad people getting good" (which was all about living up to a standard - "perfectionism" in disguise) just didn't lead to any success for us. It meant we were humiliated rather than humble, and so, we couldn't get Hashem's help.

We looked for events, rather than a process, didn't we? And who can blame us, for nothing we ever tried before really worked!

Instead, we are grateful that we recognize that we are addicts (step 1). Being "sick people getting well" is a perspective that really works for us... and that is why we can have fun at meetings, and in life in general. We trust that it's going to be OK.

Let Him Shine for Us
By Yashuv V'Yashuv

You really want to stop, but maybe that desire, as deep as it is, has not made it into the kishkes (maybe a parve kishke, but not into the fleishigeh kishke). I think the way to penetrate the fleishigeh kishkes is to dwell more on the physical threats of living with this lust. Maybe reading some of the stories about where lust has progressed for many of those here on GYE, how it's affected their family life, their wives, their children. Hit bottom while you're on top! But don't dwell TOO much on the negative. Think about those people who were at the bottom - so much lower than you and I - and have managed to put their lives back together and live clean and connected, to the world, and especially to HKB"H, whose loving embrace they've taken comfort in. HKB"H does Nissim, and He does them regularly for people who are absolutely ready to change. Ask people who have seen the Nissim in their lives.

Read more
Using Chanukah Correctly
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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