"It is shocking to say, but we have a son who died, and one of the partial causes was the obsessive viewing of porn.

May GYE have unbelievable big success & blessing from Hashem."

Every so often, our members revisit the issue of using explicit terms vs. euphemisms in our materials and on the forum (e.g. s*x vs. sex, p*** vs. porn or 'inappropriate materials', etc.). On the one hand, Torah speaks strongly in favor of lashon nekiya, and some members find explicit terms triggering and/or threatening. On the other hand, while indulging in pornography, we were not so shy, and pretensions that hid behind the asterisks only served to perpetuates our lies.

Our thought on GYE has undergone some growth over the years, and we slowly moved from the former to the latter. Here is what we think on this issue now:

When things are unspoken, they become unspeakable. The reason we find the words like masturbation or pornography titillating, is precisely because we've allowed these things to be our secret passion for so long. The more honest (read: explicit) we can be and the less we hide behind the euphemisms and "p***", the better chance we have at sustained recovery. When we call things by their real name, it helps to desensitize ourselves to them and they lose the power they hold over us. It may be scary and uncomfortable at first, but this is a necessary price to pay for our recovery.

Remember: we're only as sick as our secrets. As long as we are squeamish about calling our disease and our actions by their real name, we're still in denial about the true nature of our condition.

This is not to say that we should use explicit and triggering language. There is a difference between saying "I masturbate to pornography" and describing in detail what and how we do it. We are all familiar with the process. So sexually explicit language or unnecessary details used merely for the purpose of sexual excitement are still not allowed on GYE. Think of it in terms of a doctor's office: medical terms are OK; sexually-explicit or abusive/foul language - not OK.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.