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The reason that we cannot do it that way on our own is because we hold on for dear life to all the cravings and desires and we only fight the behavior.

My own experience has been that self-knowledge is a double-edged sword. It can draw me deeper into the Problem, deeper into my fantasy that I have the power to "make" myself better on my own, and deeper into mental isolation from others.

For me, the gift of self-knowledge typically comes after recovery and often quite unexpectedly, not before it. If I held onto my self-directed and very self-absorbed need to "figure it all out", I believe it would still be "all about me and my own satisfaction" all over again.

I'm not suggesting that defining the Problem is unnecessary, just that my very life depends on my not confusing "the Problem" (or understanding it) with "the Solution".

After I admit my problem, the work is ready to begin. The Solution for me, is always Surrender, followed by a Gift from my Higher Power. Recovery requires me to discover and discard the problem, by learning new ideas and trying new behaviors, rather than improving on the old ones.

Chuck C.'s well-work motto is for me: "You can't think yourself into right living. You've got to live yourself into right thinking."

In general, GYE discourages mixed SA meetings for religious Jews. Having a woman sex-addict in a meeting of SA guys is like bringing alcoholic beverages to an AA meeting and setting it down on the table with cups and refreshments. (Important Note: After sending this article in a chizuk e-mail and getting a lot of feedback, we see that this is not so clear cut. See the bottom of this article for more discussions on this.)

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.