How to Quit Porn and Lead a Fullfilling Life
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1360  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
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Editor’s Note
Daily Dose of Dov: Shmiras Habris - or - Staying Alive?
Practical Tips: How to Quit Porn
Torah: Every man's duty
Member's Chizuk: Ulysses
Testimonials: A Litany of Positive Feedback
 
 
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Editor’s Note

A Gute Voch, GYE!

In this issue, we bring you an array of wonderful inspiration, from practical suggestions on quittting (in "How to Quit Porn" and in "A Litany...") to Rabbi Twerski's ("Ulysses") and Dov's  ideas on powerlessness and the need for a paradigm shift. We try to bring you different opinions, someitmes even conflicting opinions, trusting that you can take what works for you and leave the rest. Remember, that the articles below are just that - opionions - albeit from people with expereince and personal recovery track record.

In other news, we are working on a GYE internal browser that will allow you to browse our network of resources without the risk of exposure to the internet at large. In simpler words, you'll be able to click on the "Read more..." links in the newsletter and be taken to the full article even if your phone does not have a browser.

In the meantime, you can email me and I will send you the full articles if you can't reach them on your own. Make sure to inlcude the article title with your request.

Have a great, sober week!

Mottel

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Shmiras Habris - or - Staying Alive?
 
By Dov

Someone wrote on the forum:

I've been avoiding shabbos naps ever since the time change. You're better off staying up through shabbos, learning and spending time with family and friends - and then going to bed at a normal hour. Otherwise, you end up awake and alone at the computer at 2 am when everyone else is sleeping... and we all know what that leads to... What does everyone else think? Avoid Shabbos naps for the sake of shmirat habrit?


Dov Responds:

Dear Yid,

If you are asking a halachic question, maybe ask a Rav.

If you are talking about advice to avoid doing an "aveira", nu, maybe ask a Rav, too.

But if you are talking about saving yourself from putting you life into the toilet of insanity again by going down the road of compulsive sexual acting out... hmmm... then I ask you: What in the world does that have to do with "shmiras habrit"?

I can't speak for you, but for me, what you are referring to as "shmirat habrit" has to do with whether I have a chance at having a real conscience, at being a father to my children, a husband to my wife, a sane yid (an insane yid doing mitzvos? Is a shoteh even yotzei, I wonder?), and in my particular case, staying alive at all.

To me, this is not at all like avodah zora, which chazal tell us is like breaking the entire Torah. It is much, much worse than that: It is giving up my entire tzurah of a mentch and accepting insanity into my life. And insanity of this disease, for me, is "memaleh kol almin and sovev kol almin" - it fills, poisons and perverts my entire life (and the life of those around me). At its root, sobriety and the program is not there to create holy yidden out of us. It is to create useful mentchen. From there, I can become a yid, if I want. But without it, I have no choice and remain basically a mess.

At least that is the way it is for me and others. I'm not alone in the feeling that to act-out is to die. I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons! ;-)

Practical Tips
 
How to Quit Porn
 
By allprodad.com

Several months ago, a video went viral regarding pornography from an unlikely source. Comedian Russell Brand discussed his battle with porn, the negative effect it has had in his life, and his desire to have it out of his life. First, he shares his belief that: “Our attitudes toward sex have become warped and perverted and have deviated from its true function as an expression of love and a means for procreating.” He goes on to personally confess, “[Porn] is something I haven’t been able to make a long-term commitment to not looking at, it’s affected my ability to relate to women”.

A study by one of the top neuroscientists, Valerie Voon, from Cambridge University may explain the reason. The June 2014 study revealed that compulsive porn watchers experience the same reactions in the brain as addicted drug users. Can the effects of porn on the brain be reversed? Is there hope in quitting? The answer to both of those questions is Yes. Here is a game plan for how to quit porn.

Read article
Torah
 
Every man's duty
 
By GYE

In his book, "Kuntres HaAvodah," Rebbe Sholom Dov Ber of Lubavitch, one of the early great Rebbes of Chabad, writes the following:

"Everyone who is concerned about his soul, not to pollute it, G-d forbid, should guard over his eyes. And if this is difficult for him, he should endeavor to restrain himself with all of his strength and might. He must take to heart that this matter is instrumental to the wellbeing of his soul, and if he does not guard himself in this matter, then all of his Divine service is accounted as nothing, and all of his achievements are as naught, and his service of G-d will fall lower and lower....

"Behold, there are people who are far from actually committing evil deeds, G-d forbid, but their hearts pull them to look and stare (at women). They gaze with a seemingly cold detachment, and they do not feel any immediate excitement when they look, but the reason for their being attracted is because they experience an inner pleasure... This gazing, even with seeming detachment, creates an impression and a great stain on the psyche, which will not go away without arousing some actual evil in its wake, G-d forbid....

"Thus, it is every man's duty to control himself and to guard over the things he sees. In so doing, he will save himself from evil, and his service of G-d will find favor. He will bring salvation to his soul, and he will rise higher and higher." (Kuntres HaAvodah, Ch. 2. For an English translation and commentary, see the book, "Love Like Fire and Water," Moznaim Publishing Corp.)

Member's Chizuk
 
Ulysses
 
Part 1/2
 
By Twerski, Rabbi Dr. Avraham

Sixty-five years ago, in high-school, I learned a powerful mussar lesson, but I did not realize it at the time.

Ulysses was a hero and traveler in Greek mythology. He heard of the "music of the sirens." This was music that was heard at a particular harbor, and it was so enchanting, so attractive, that it drew sailors to the shore. However, there were sharp, ragged reefs in the harbor, and the ships would crash into them and were destroyed. Sailors knew this, and passing by the harbor, they would see the wreckages of the ships that had been destroyed, but once they heard the music of the sirens, they were helpless and headed into the harbor to their own destruction.

Ulysses wanted to hear the fabled music of the sirens, but knew that this would be fatal. He, therefore, stuffed his sailors' ears with wax so that they could not hear any sounds, and he told them that they were to sail by the harbor and pay no attention to anything he said. He then had himself tied securely to the ship's mast so that he could not move.

As the sailors approached the harbor, Ulysses began hearing the music of the sirens. He began shouting to the sailors to head for shore, but of course, they could not hear him. He began screaming at them, "I am your captain! You must obey my orders!" As he heard the music of the sirens, he struggled to free himself from the ropes. "Head for the shore!" he shouted. "I will have you hung for mutiny!" But the sailors rowed on.

After they had passed the harbor and the music was no longer heard, Ulysses fainted from exhaustion. The sailors then untied him, and he realized how helpless he had been...

Read article
Testimonials
 
A Litany of Positive Feedback
 
By Yiraishomayim

It's now been a full year!!!

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Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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