Losing Hope? Multiple Tools for Success.
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1340  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Editor’s Note
Practical Tips: Tips for Every Day Sanity
Announcements: A booklet on Shmiras Habris in English
Testimonials: Reading
Daily Dose of Dov: Fear is a Nasty Killer
12 Step Attitude: A different person
 
 
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Editor’s Note

A gute voch, GYE!

It has come to our attention that we gave you outdated links to filters in a recent issue of the newsletter. We apologize for the mistake. Please visit our prevention site for all the info you need on filters and technology.  

A member recently shared a vort from Rabbi Twerski, from Living Each Week, parshas Beshalach, p. 137:

 

"When the Jews left Egypt, they agreed to do so to get away from their physical servitude. This is a very weak reason - to run AWAY from something. It's so weak that it is liable to be undone by something stronger. That's why Pharoh chased after them, because he (the Pharoh) knew that they might come back if faced with a challenge to their existence.

It is better to have a goal to RUN TOWARDS, instead of RUNNING AWAY. Such a motivation is much stronger than running AWAY from something, not easily undone. Ad kan dvorov shel R' Twerski, Shlita.

What do you think as it relates to us?"

 

We think that we, in fact, should have a goal of happiness and freedom.

The addiction never brings us happiness, only anxiety and bitterness. It doesn't let us experience the subtle but true joys of life. It doesn't let us be FREE to be who we want to be.

That should be the goal to run TOWARDS, perhaps.

What do you think? We'd love to hear from our readers, whether on this topic or on anything that comes to mind. Email me your thoughts!

Mottel.

P.S. To enable you to have a goal to run towards, this newsletter is packed with tips, tools, and reading materials. Take what you like and leave the rest.

 

 

Practical Tips
 
Tips for Every Day Sanity
 
Author Unknown
 
By obormottel

*Take life one day at a time.
*Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
*K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
*Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
*Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the Universe.
*Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Announcements
 

A booklet on Shmiras Habris in English, based on Chazal and on the teachings of Rav Nachman of Breslov.

"I would like to recommend this ebook. It has been very, very helpful to me. I contacted the author from Lehavas HaTorah and he gave me permission to send it to you. Please post it if you think it can help others!" Haim.

 
A booklet on Shmiras Habris in English
 
Disclaimer: This booklet will likely not help for real addicts, but it can be helpful for normal people who struggle with these issues. Particularly helpful may be the section on page 36 called "Helpful Advice".
 

Haim wrote to us:

Read more
Testimonials
 
Reading
 
By Anonymous

I just read the "First Day of The Rest Of My Life" book's English translation. It has answers I have never found elsewhere, about how stifled creativity can lead to excessive sexual behavior, because the creativity needs an outlet. It is a watershed moment for me.

Thank you.

G.

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Fear is a Nasty Killer
 
Dov writes to someone who had a fall in the morning:
 
By Dov

The rest of today is worth a lot too. A lot of good can happen in a short time. And then there's tomorrow. Say Adon Olam slowly, with kavana. Maybe you'll have less fear, as I do when I say it, especially in my own words. Fear is a real nasty killer.

12 Step Attitude
 
A different person
 
Part 1/2
 
By GYE

We were in contact recently with someone who claims that they have been trying to stop masturbation for many years and cannot succeed. The failures and the severity of the sin according to Chaza"l, were making him depressed, and this in turn would cause him to fall even lower. Therefore, he wrote me (just last night) that he has decided to continue masturbation (albeit less often) and stop feeling guilty about it, since he claims that "the guilt" only made it worse. He also finds it hard to believe that Hashem can possibly consider this sin to be so severe in cases where a person cannot stop.

I was thinking how to answer this person and I happened to randomly open up a Sefer next to me (Nesivos Shalom from the Slonimer Rebbe zatza"l). It seems that Hashem really loves this person because the words I saw there address his situation EXACTLY. I was so amazed that I scanned in the page. Click here to see the original. Below, I will try to give a summary of what it says there.

The Nesivos Shalom (Parshas Noach) brings the Pasuk that is the source in the Torah of masturbation being bad. "Vayehi Er Bechor Yehudah Ra Be'einei Hashem, Vayemiseihu Hashem" - "And Er the son of Yehudah was bad in the eyes of Hashem, and Hashem killed him". The Nesivos Shalom explains that there are two types of "bad". 1) "Ra" without a "Hei", and 2) "Ra'ah" - with a "Hei". "Hei" represents the name of Hashem. "Ra" without Hashem (like it says by "Er") is "bad" with no hope, and "Ra'ah" with a "Hei", is "bad" with hope.

It says about the Jewish people "Lo Hibit Aven Biyaakov... Hashem Elokav Imo" - "He sees no sin in Yaakov... Hashem his G-d is with him". Asks the Nesivos Shalom, how can it be that G-d chooses not to see sins in the Jewish people? Chaza"l say terrible things about anyone who says that Hashem is a "Vatran" (that He lets us off the hook when we sin)? So the Nesivos Shalom explains that the end of the Pasuk holds the answer - "Hashem Elokav Imo" - Hashem his G-d is with him. A Jew that sins because he can't control himself, but deep down his heart is breaking about how far he is from Hashem and he doesn't let go of Hashem, in such a case Hashem chooses not to see the evil and will forgive this person. And even if during the sin he doesn't feel bad, but afterwards he feels bad about it, and the good inside him makes him feel guilty and he asks himself "How could I have sinned and ignored the word of Hashem?" then there is also still hope for him. For this is the Koach that brings to Teshuvah.

And the Nesivos Shalom goes on to say that the guilty feelings we have, are a GIFT from Hashem that come from the good inside every Jew. Indeed, a Jew who does NOT have these feelings anymore, no longer has hope - like "Er" the son of Yehudah (where the Ra is written without a "Hei"), and that is why Hashem killed him.

And he goes on to say that this can be a test, if a person wants to know where he stands. If one no longer has a guilty conscious when sinning, then he can know that he is in a very bad state indeed. Because a person who gives in to the Yetzer Hara only because the Yetzer hara has tempted him strongly and he can't hold back, is still not "bad' in essence and G-d will forgive him. But one who doesn't feel guilt anymore, that means that the bad has taken him over totally and there is no hope.

And he writes that this is a Tikkun for every Jew to be able to get out of the bad. That even when he falls, he should make sure that the fall does not become part of his essence. For one who continues to hold on to Hashem and feel guilty when he is far from Hashem, then even if he did the worst sins, he still has hope and will be forgiven.

(Until here are the words of the Nesivos Shalom).

So I say to this dear Jew: Instead of working on NOT feeling guilty, we need to REJOICE that we DO feel guilty. For this is our only hope. The guilt that we feel is our life-line and "kesher" with Hashem, and through the guilt, Hashem ultimately saves us from the yetzer Hara! The Nesivos Shalom is telling us that a person who feels guilty and is trying his best, then in spite of all the scary Chazal's about the terrible severity of this sin, Hashem will stay with him, forgive him and ultimately save him!

There is one important distinction though, that we must make. The holy books emphasize that there is a subtle difference between "guilt" ("Merirus") which is healthy, and "depression" ("Atzvus") which is is dangerous. When a person feels bad about sinning, the healthy "guilt" should make him take himself into his hands and try again. It should make him feel bad about how far he is from Hashem and try to get closer to him. On the other hand "Depression" (Atzvus), is truly unhealthy and makes the person just want to give up and continue his downward spiral.

So instead of ignoring "Guilt", we need to learn to ignore "Depression". Ironically, when feeling guilty, we should REJOICE. For this is the only hope and Kesher with Hashem, even for one who has fallen to the lowest depths!

To be continued...
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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