7 Tips for Teens
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1310  
In Today's Issue
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Practical Tips: Teen Shares 7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography
Daily Dose of Dov: I know I can't do 90 days
Chizuk: The Screen is Lifting
Announcements: Copyright Disclaimer
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Practical Tips
Teen Shares 7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography

  1. He sacrificed having Internet on his phone by deleting his app for the internet. His parents also utilized restrictions (protected by passwords) and disabled the Internet on the phone.
  2. He sacrificed watching some TV shows or movies with sexualized girls. He learned to be conscious of how the things he saw made him feel. He practiced walking out of the room and distracting himself when images initiated arousal. His parents supported him in this.
  3. He sacrificed his personal email account. He had given this email to a pornographic site advertisement and was bombarded with inappropriate spam. He terminated this email account and now only uses the email account provided by his high school.
  4. He sacrificed privacy and left his bedroom door open at night.
  5. He learned to distract himself any time the desire to watch porn came to him. He’d ride his bike, go to a friend’s house, or find other ways to get active and around people.
  6. He had lengthy conversations with parents, who encouraged him, accepted him, and kept him accountable. They often asked him how he was doing with his goal to avoid porn.
  7. He started small. His first goal was to go one day without porn. When he made it, he tried for two. Eventually, he tried for a week, then two. If he slipped, he got back on track. Brian says, “Tell everyone the first month is by far the hardest. After a month it gets WAY easier. I had times I would wonder, ‘Why am I doing this?’ But I would fight it and remind myself I was doing it because I wanted to and I believed it would get better. It has.”

Daily Dose of Dov
I know I can't do 90 days
Someone posted that they didn't believe they could make it to 90 days clean. Dov responds:
By Dov

I know I can't do 90 days!!! I'm not kidding. Nevertheless, it has been 11.5 years of knowing that so far, and still sober. I am not strong, and charts do nothing for me either, but a chevra does, and so do the 12-steps. Life is getting better every year on His schedule, not mine and not yours.

None of us can carry the weight of his own sobriety on his own shoulders. None of us. So, there!

The Screen is Lifting
By Eye.nonymous

I noticed a while ago that I suffer from an undercurrent of tension that often led me to act out. But thanks to the insights I got through this forum, and especially thanks to Duvid Chaim's group, I think a lot of this tension is gone. The fears and resentments that caused them are much less.

And, I had a great talk with one of the guys from Duvid Chaim's group. We confronted one of my biggest fears -- my feeling of hopelessness in finding a parnasa. He gave me a whole new attitude; something I can work with and feel good about, no matter what. So, this helped a lot too.

So lately I've been walking down the street, feeling the urge to look at the women on the street. Then I was thinking, "I don't need this - I'm content with life." It's like, if you don't have a headache, why take pain killers?

It's a big realization. It's not that my whole life has been transformed - but this realization comes along a couple of times here and there throughout the day. It's definitely a good start.

That undercurrent of tension is turning into an undercurrent of contentment.

Regarding "control." I had a talk with my wife about something. I realized that there's another type of control - trying to control THE PAST! In short, we made a big mistake with something, and it's been eating us up. BUT, it's in the past! WE MADE A MISTAKE. Just accept it and move on. Just make the most out of things today.

It may take us a while to fully integrate this, but it's an important realization.

A catalyst for some of these realization was a shiur I was listening to by Rav Moshe Aharon Stern. He was talking about how a lot of problems come because we don't have satisfaction in our life - from our davening and from our learning, for example. During shacharis I was thinking, here I am in the middle of tachanun, which is supposed to be a really powerful prayer, and I'm just rattling off the words. WHY DON'T I PUT SOME FEELING INTO IT! This is something I can choose to do! So I tried it. Again, this is another one of those awareness's that come and go, and go more than it comes, but it's a new thing I can start working on.

And, it has further applications. The other morning I had something quick to do on the computer for work. I could have gone back and forth to the computer during breakfast and finished it. BUT, I wouldn't be fully present with my wife for breakfast-- not physically, mentally, or emotionally. SO I decided that I WANTED TO PUT MY HEART INTO WHAT I WAS DOING; time with my wife. I left the computer work for later on in the day.

I'm feeling like there's been this screen between myself and others, even though I'm in the same room. Through GYE and Duvid Chaim's calls, I feel like this screen is lifting. Somehow, everything seems more vivid. People and LIFE seems more real.


Click here for more information on Duvid Chaim's phone conference.

Copyright Disclaimer
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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