Surrender Is the Key!
Surrender is the key. Only surrender helps.
Whoa, did I have a night!
Lust knocked. I said, "go away, I'm not paying $200 just for the privilege (?) of acting out!"
But then lust became a fire. Seriously, I was burning with the thing. I had to act out! But- I have a signed note in my drawer vowing to pay $200 to tzedaka. But- I HAD TO ACT OUT! Who CARES about that note? I was on the verge of nullifying it then and there.
The only thing left to do was cry out to Hashem, (albeit silently, so as not to alarm my husband, innocently on the way to drift off to sleep.)
So that's what I did, that's what I usually do. But last night I felt this helplessness on such a deep level, it was not normal. My whole being was screaming "I can't, Hashem, I can't! Only You can! I'm giving my struggle over to You because I CAN'T DEAL!"
Not even a minute and Hashem was putting out the fire. Lust slunk off, and I was able to sleep in such happiness and peace.
Thank You, Hashem!