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Kedushaone's Profile

Listing Options
He is looking For a Mentor
  Contact Info   
Region North America
Contact preferences Email
Correspondance Frequency Wants to be in touch once in a while
Languages English, Yiddish
  Personal Info  
Age 35
Marital status Married
Background Chassidish
Children 7
Religious from birth Yes
Additional info I tried to stop many times and was unsuccesful staying stopped
Story From when I was young and started maturing and the תאווה started developing it was always associated with all types of fetishes as in bdsm, degradation, humiliation etc. (even before I knew the names....) and just plain sex never really spoke to me as much as these kinds of scenarios and as thus these fantasies were my נסיונות throughout my teenage years and I worked very hard on staying clean but wasn't always too successful. Then I got married but since they are fantasies that involve things that my wife can in no way provide I started getting into porn in a big way (it B"H never got any farther than that) and now for a nice few years I've been fighting the fight but not winning the war and always falling back because as I said being with my wife does not and can not fulfill these תאוות so I look at it as an endless struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel, and when I am clean for a while I am in seventh heaven and feel much better about myself and my relationship with my wife and most of all my relationship with Hashem but then I just somehow end up losing control of myself - I literally feel like I'm not fully in control when these lusts take me over - sometimes after 3 weeks of being clean and sometimes after two months and then I feel horrible but I don't give up and keep on going but then again...... and this cycle has been repeating itself for years now and I don't see a way out. I NEED HELP

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