Tuesday, 08 December 2015

To Mas******* or to Masturbate? That is the question.

Calling a Spade a Spade

by GYE, Obormottel (See all authors)

Every so often, our members revisit the issue of using explicit terms vs. euphemisms in our materials and on the forum (e.g. s*x vs. sex, p*** vs. porn or 'inappropriate materials', etc.). On the one hand, Torah speaks strongly in favor of lashon nekiya, and some members find explicit terms triggering and/or threatening. On the other hand, while indulging in pornography, we were not so shy, and pretensions that hid behind the asterisks only served to perpetuates our lies.

Our thought on GYE has undergone some growth over the years, and we slowly moved from the former to the latter. Here is what we think on this issue now:

When things are unspoken, they become unspeakable. The reason we find the words like masturbation or pornography titillating, is precisely because we've allowed these things to be our secret passion for so long. The more honest (read: explicit) we can be and the less we hide behind the euphemisms and "p***", the better chance we have at sustained recovery. When we call things by their real name, it helps to desensitize ourselves to them and they lose the power they hold over us. It may be scary and uncomfortable at first, but this is a necessary price to pay for our recovery.

Remember: we're only as sick as our secrets. As long as we are squeamish about calling our disease and our actions by their real name, we're still in denial about the true nature of our condition.

This is not to say that we should use explicit and triggering language. There is a difference between saying "I masturbate to pornography" and describing in detail what and how we do it. We are all familiar with the process. So sexually explicit language or unnecessary details used merely for the purpose of sexual excitement are still not allowed on GYE. Think of it in terms of a doctor's office: medical terms are OK; sexually-explicit or abusive/foul language - not OK.