Public Transportation

Someone had a slip/fall due to public transportation. He shared it with his wife, but she took it hard and asked GYE for advice and support. After writing her back, this was her response:

Thank you for your mail. It helps me to find the strength to face this situation, without being overwhelmed. I knew that being mad and so upset was neither appropriate nor helpful reaction to his fall, but I could not find my way out of my painful feelings. When I read your answer, I instantly felt it was the right thing to do: shifting from pain and resentment to helping him in growing from this fall.

We had a talk about it, which was good for both of us I think.

He decided to avoid public transportation as much as possible, if not possible, avoid the packed carriages and always have an easy-to-read book in his bag. If nothing works, he will get off the train and call me.

May I ask you if it sounds reasonable to you?


GYE Responds:

Sounds like a good plan.

Here are two more helpful things that you can suggest to your husband (that help me personally):

1) I always try to keep my eyes down within my 4 amos when I am outside. I tell myself that I am not a tourist, I am on my way somewhere to get something done. I have no right to just look around and take-in the sights in dangerous places. This makes the struggle so much easier, because once I see something, it is so much harder to turn away. But if I don't look around and keep my eyes down, it’s like staying out of the boxing rink when the opponent is way stronger than you, instead of getting in the rink and trying to fight him head-on.

2) I always take a shiur with me to listen to on my phone with ear-plugs. This helps me stay focused and also makes it much less "boring" (since looking down all the time is kind of boring :-) He can download hundreds of great shiurim on shmiras einayim and this struggle on our shiurim page here.