Wednesday, 11 January 2012

I'm a Man and Have Natural Desire

As a bochur, what's wrong with satisfying my natural lust desires?


by GYE (See all authors)

Someone wrote in to the GYE Helpline (gye.help@gmail.com).

Hi, I read your article in the Jewish-Press about addiction and the fact that it's destructive.

I'm a 21 year old yeshiva bochur and I don't know if you can call me addicted but I watch porn sometimes. I know it's not what you're supposed to do but I don't think it ruins my life. The reason why I masturbate usually once or twice a day is, because I'm a man and I have natural desires and I'm not married, so instinctively I'm going to look for an alternative solution. Once I'm married, if I have a craving I can just be with my wife.

I understand if your article was written for married people but I don't think it applies to yeshiva bochurim that have no other ways to fulfill there perfectly natural lust other then by masturbation or porn.


Thank you for the article and for reading this,
Yeshiva Bochur.


GYE Responds:

Dear Yeshiva Bochur,

You are right - and very normal. (Well actually, I don't know if once or twice a day is normal, that's sounds more like an addiction, but whatever)... In any case, notwithstanding what is accepted and considered normal in today's society, Hashem chose us from all the nations of the world and uplifted us. He asked us to be holy, because He is holy, and He has something special in store for us that we can't even begin to imagine as long as we are involved in lustful thoughts and actions. He asks us to be on a higher level and to work hard to overcome our natural bodily instincts so that He can be close to us. The relationship that we can have with Him is worth more than anything else in the universe!

You should know that marriage will not solve your lust issues at all. Hundreds of married men post on our forums, and many of them have very attractive wives. Lust is never satisfied. The more we feed it, the more we need it. If we don't work on ourselves before marriage, this addiction has the potential to destroy two people's lives, not just one. Many unmarried bochurim on our network have achieved full abstinence. It is possible.

Please see some of the FAQ on our site, where we answered people who asked similar questions:

We suggest you download the GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer). There you can learn what tools and recommendations can help you at your level of this struggle / addiction.

Hashem has better things in store for you - and you're definitely worth it!