Sunday, 12 February 2012

Feeling Aimless and Dejected

How can we avoid a fall when feeling aimless and dejected?

by Dov (See all authors)

One guy wrote:

Todays' fall happened in slow motion. I got depressed about the state of my marriage over some stupid comment my wife said. I then went to a meeting that had it's location changed, but no one cared to tell me about. I wandered around, in a depressed funk, knowing exactly where it was going to end up, but having no choice, like some sort of a sick bystander watching a tractor trailer about to run over a stroller but unable to do anything about it...

Another guy wrote:

Having a real hard day... I'm just so in the mood of falling ... Feeling aimless and dejected...

We asked Dov the following:

Dov, what do you do when feeling aimless and dejected? It seems to be a recipe for disaster. So many people are posting lately about how these type of feelings lead them to fall...


Dov Replies:

I do not have the luxury of basking in dejectedness or sadness. I get involved in whatever I am supposed to be doing, de-isolate, make a call to a program friend or my sponsor, and talk to my G-d a lot more - and calmly. I do not expect miracles, but they really tend to occur. Usually I discover by the time I go to sleep that I snapped out of my self-pity attack a few hours before, but was not paying attention!

Oh, and assessing my mood just to keep tabs on it ("am I really happy?") is another childish habit that I cannot afford any more, so I gave it up slowly and with the help of others, over about 2 years of work (at the ripe age of about 45! Waaa!!!!). I don't do it now. My life is much better without "my help", thank-you. I let Hashem worry about my moods, I do not need to assess or guide them any more.

To another person who felt like he was about to fall, Dov writes:

If you wish to stay sober you may need to:

  • Ask for help (from Hashem)
  • Get open about exactly what's going on - with someone safe.
  • Do what you need to do to give up the "right" to screw your day up.

Oh yeah, and even if things have to go badly, find a friend to smile with, no matter what :-)