Sunday, 10 June 2012

Caught our 14 year

We caught our 14 year old doing innapropriate things. What can we do?

by GYE (See all authors)

Someone emailed us:

Hi i am a desperate parent. My 14 year old son is a 9th grader in a charedi yeshiva. Over the last few months I have caught him doing inappropriate things. We have tried to speak with him and get him to stop but I believe that he is addicted and can’t stop. I think he stumbled onto some sites on the internet and my husband and I are terrified for him and what this will do to his future. We are desperate for help and do not know where to turn to. I am even too embarrassed to talk to the pediatrician, but I know that if I don't get him help the situation will only get worse. Can you refer us to someone who can help a frum boy?

Thank you

A frightened parent


GYE Answers:

Hi. I feel your pain.

You might try to ask advice from some of the therapists on our website.

See this page: http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/Therapists.asp

I don't know if the following links can help, but you might find them informative:

http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1383

http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1966

I highly suggest having a solid filter installed on your home computers, and keep him away from iPods, Blackberries and the like.

See this page for many good filter options: http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Filters/filters.asp

http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/ may also be able to help you.

Make sure to show your son lots of love, and good example in everything. Often there are underlying fears and insecurities that cause a child to be prone to developing addictions.

Someone once posted feedback on an article on Vosizneias over here:

It's logical that when children learn by example that our lifestyle is one of joy and serenity, they would never consider the alternative. Mitzva Gedola li'hiyos besimcha tomid. Why because absent simcha, Torah just doesn't sell. A life of tum'ah and ta'avah appears like a veritable eden to our sad, depressed and bored youth.

How does our Shabbos table look? In what tone of voice do we talk to our kids about yeshiva/cheider/learning/rebbe/morah? How do we teach our children to daven and how do we react if they aren't doing so the way we'd like them to? How do we present tznius: "wear that and I'll kill you!" or "a special package comes in a special wrapper"? Don't like the second option? Don't cry when she becomes a shanda once she's no longer scared of you.

Speaking of shandas (only as a few of us call them); the most effective way to drive a girl into a boyfriends arms is to deny her affection and happiness at home. Its a no-brainer, wouldn't you say? I won't say much more about the matter in the spirit of good taste, other than that its too easy for predators to sniff out an easy mark. Why? Because no matter how modest her clothes are, they cannot conceal her obvious misery.

NEWSFLASH: your sheltered child knows more about male-female realities than you did at his/her age. NOW DEAL WITH IT. But by all means, throw that stupid TV out of your home.