Kunena Site Syndication https://guardyoureyes.com Tue, 04 Aug 2020 13:46:46 +0000 Kunena 1.6 https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/icons/rss.png https://guardyoureyes.com/ en-gb https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353340-DO-I-NEED-MEDS#353340 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353340-DO-I-NEED-MEDS#353340
I was reading snowflake's forum (awesome read!) and it basically ends with him getting diagnosed with anxiety and taking meds that he says lowered the urge. If there's anyone who qualifies as being stricken with stress and anxiety its me. I have inner issues from childhood trauma that was never resolved despite stints in therapy which never worked for me. I have a bunch of nervous habits and have been COMPLRELTY relient on porn and acting out as what keeps me even a bit sane. With all that, I am able to keep it together and consider myself a great husband and father (my wife would agree.) So should I get myself checked and start taking meds? Is that a cop out? If not, how not? Do I owe it to myself? If i need meds but don't take them, is there still a chance of breaking free on my own like russel crowe's character in a beautiful mind who cures his sitzofrecism (i think that officially makes me the first person to misspell a word that is not even a word lol please excuse me) with his mind by simplhy choosing to ignore them. They never go away, but he is victorious. Somehoe I feel like taking meds to make this easier would undo all the struggle and victory of the past 15 years. Like that's not how I envisioned this battle ending. I envisioned breaking free, on my own, with hashem's help. Not by finding a way around it - a way which, had I used meds 10 years ago, could have saved me a hell of a lot of pain, frustration, sadness, anger, self-loathing, shame, guilt etc etc etc etc etc. 

Thoughts?]]> On the Way to 90-Days Tue, 04 Aug 2020 13:34:05 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353340-DO-I-NEED-MEDS#353340 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353331-ABOUT-TO-FALL%21#353331 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353331-ABOUT-TO-FALL%21#353331 On the Way to 90-Days Tue, 04 Aug 2020 11:58:35 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353331-ABOUT-TO-FALL%21#353331 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/353326-Make-it-to-Yeshiva#353326 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/353326-Make-it-to-Yeshiva#353326 First I want to say that I am humbled and honored to be in the presence of such Giborei Koach, true warriors of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

I bh am not addicted to pornography.
I haven’t been on a porn website.
But I’m getting close, and I’m here to gain chizuk not to fall into it.
Once I return to Yeshiva I’m safe, but as long as I’m home I’m in danger, and bh I haven’t fallen into pornography. However it’s the next step, chalila.

I bh am running a camp, so I started keeping busy, so bh have only been nichshal once in the last 3 weeks.

i want to just express my gratitude to all of you, and my great admiration for each and every one of you.

My Yetzer tries telling me “comon, porn can’t be that bad, it’s just the word that sounds scary” or like “it can’t be so different than YouTube videos” 
So I’m here to gain that chizuk.

thank you!]]> Introduce Yourself Tue, 04 Aug 2020 05:33:39 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/353326-Make-it-to-Yeshiva#353326 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353314-Freedom#353314 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353314-Freedom#353314
Purim 2020: Joined GYE and started working on self for pornography, SSA thoughts and masturbation, didn’t really get serious till Pesach

Pesach 2020: Started pushing myself to break free, saw major success and pulled through for 3 weeks when I felt I could only do a few days

May 2020: Started 90 day challenge. SSA stopped haunting me (SSA thoughts have been attributed to lack of happiness with relationships with others) stopped feeling tired a whole day, no longer felt weak all the time, physically changed a lot for the better.

June 2020: Learning improved drastically when previously wasn’t able to learn even for 5 minutes.

July 2020: All of the above mentioned changes continued and pornography/masturbation remained at zero use (all while I was going through a rough period for three weeks which was amazing considering I was depressed and normally I would act out as a result). Eventually gave in to my depression and fell at 78 days. Have fallen 4 times in the last two weeks and now it’s time to fix that. 

August 2020: To be filled in ]]> On the Way to 90-Days Tue, 04 Aug 2020 02:24:29 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353314-Freedom#353314 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353295-Cant-live-with-it-cant-live-without-it#353295 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353295-Cant-live-with-it-cant-live-without-it#353295
Thanks for listenin, hope y'all are doing ok. Love this forum. It is so helpful to have ppl to talk to about this. My wife could never understand. ]]> On the Way to 90-Days Mon, 03 Aug 2020 19:24:37 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/353295-Cant-live-with-it-cant-live-without-it#353295 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/353272-Tired#353272 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/353272-Tired#353272
Yet now, as I relax a bit I'm looking ahead and realize Rosh Chodesh Elul is just around the corner now I let out a little sigh. I know this is the Yetzer Horah talking. In the past there is a part of me that enjoys this time of the year due to the spiritual high I get. I also know that this year I am optimistic that it will be good as well. It's just the fact that I need to recharge. Which means it is time to switch energy from being on the offensive mode to the defensive protection. Shimiras Enayim is a full time job, keeping oneself from being impure is a constant battle. Even now when the urge in minimal I know that this is the crucial time to be careful of what I see, what I think and ultimately what choices I make
So one last thing...why am I sharing this......I don't know. I think that it is because I don't want to be alone. This lack of energy/motivation is scary because I know logically it will pass, but emotionally I don't want to be cut off from the enthusiasm of change. I have lived too much of my life passive and don't want to go back.   ]]> Break Free Mon, 03 Aug 2020 04:16:32 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/353272-Tired#353272 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/353186-WhatsApp-group#353186 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/353186-WhatsApp-group#353186 What Works for Me Fri, 31 Jul 2020 09:19:11 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/353186-WhatsApp-group#353186 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/353175-I-don%E2%80%99t-get-it#353175 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/353175-I-don%E2%80%99t-get-it#353175 Break Free Fri, 31 Jul 2020 04:13:44 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/353175-I-don%E2%80%99t-get-it#353175