Kunena Site Syndication https://guardyoureyes.com Mon, 20 May 2019 00:32:49 +0000 Kunena 1.6 https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/icons/rss.png https://guardyoureyes.com/ en-gb https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/340691-relapse#340691 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/340691-relapse#340691 1. I think that I made the taphsic too difficult. I made it so that I had to do all three preliminary things (call a friend for 5 minutes, learn a chapter of tanya, say a chapter of tehillim) in order for me to NOT be hit with a heavy knas.

2. I think that I made my sobriety too much about the taphsic. In the beginning of my conscious sobriety work, it was about being sober, strengthening my connection with Hashem, and working on my inner strength. What ended up happening is that the taphsic slowly took over my sobriety. I stopped working on the GYE principles, stopped coming on the website, stopped making GYE a priority and using my addiction to strengthen my connection with Hashem. It all became about not getting hit with a heavy knas. Inside, I wanted to fall, I'd even toe the edge just to get some sort of thrill until finally I just blew it all with reckless abandonment. Since I had already been hit with the heavy knas for my erev-yontiv fall, I felt free to look at pornography motzi yontiv since- why not? I've already broken my Taphsic! It no longer applies to me, so I can do whatever I want. This is obviously not a good tactic. The taphsic is a tool, a means to an end, not an end in itself. It is only meaningful so much as I make my sobriety meaningful. It shouldn't be the linchpin upon which my entire sobriety depends, but a "break glass in case of emergency."
3. I'm thinking that going forward, I really need to make it a priority to be on GYE at least 4 days out of 7, if not more. I need to get back into reviewing the principles, which gave me so much strength. I'm a little bummed that I lost my clean streak, but iyh I can get it back ODAAT.]]> Break Free Mon, 22 Apr 2019 05:20:27 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/340691-relapse#340691 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/340642-Just-a-few-questions#340642 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/340642-Just-a-few-questions#340642
On the one hand, we are always told how terrible the Aveira is, and how difficult the Yetzer for Arayos is. On the other hand, all the chassidus makes it feel like its not so bad, Hashem forgives etc. I know this secnd tzad is wrong but it almost feels like I'll sin now, do teshuvah tomorrow...

How does one reconcile these 2 ideas?

I have heard  the Ohr Hachaim quoted saying the yetzer for Arayos is TOO strong for us - one literally cannot beat it. (I have never seen this inside so I have no idea if it is true.) If so, what can we do?

A rebbe once told us that in this dor we have to measure a persons Yiras Shemayim by his keeping of Shabbos, but with regards to Arayos we are Oines (forced/faultless.) How can i make myself realise just how disapointed Hashem is when I view Arayos, or how terrible they are, if I'm Oines?

Finally, this is perhaps a childish point but here goes. The gemarah in Sanhedrin talks about a man who fell in love with a woman so badly he was bedridden. The story is Yaduah so I wont go through it now, but one thing bothers me. The gemarah says because he beat this Yetzer, he received a light over his head, and Rashi (I believe) speaks of how this man became Mar Ukvah, one of the greatest men ever on planet earth. But whenever I resist the Yetzer, there's no glow. No light. I don't suddenly become a gadol. What is the gemarah telling us?

Thank you for taking the tie to read this, and may Hashem grant us all mush Siyatta Dishmaya in the future.]]> The Torah & Chizuk Approach Tue, 16 Apr 2019 17:10:29 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/340642-Just-a-few-questions#340642 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/340639-Just-to-introduce-myself-and-ask-some-advice#340639 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/340639-Just-to-introduce-myself-and-ask-some-advice#340639
I'm currently in Yeshiva. First year, started last Elul. I really enjoy learning, and all I could think about was how great Bein Hazamanim would be, where I could learn my own choice of topics all day long...

I started falling to the Yetzer a short time after my Bar Mitzvah, when one of my presents was a tablet. I was just curious until things got progressively worse. Eventually I was reading erotica, watching porn, and masturbating.

After Elul and half of winter Zman in Yeshiva (with a non internet phone) I really thought i had beaten this Yetzer. I was almost disgusted by the thought of seeing inappropriate things. However a couple of moths before the end of Winter Zman, the yetzer started talking to me again. I pushed him out each time and remained TOTALLY pure. I mean for 7 months I hardly saw a woman etc. I was loving being free.

I don't know how, but about a week ago I fell, and its been downhill ever since. I had kaspersky filter, but I figured out how to use safe mode to get around it. I tried to tell my Dad i dont want the laptop anymore, but he said fine, just give it to your Mum. But as long as all these devices are in the house, i really struggle.

The ironic thing is, I don't even enjoy it. I really dislike watching these things, i even cover up the screen with my hand! but I'm still clicking away at those links, and being mevatel so much torah...
I could really do with some advice. (Also a bit of Chizuk wouldn't hurt)
Again, If this is the wrong place to post, let me know..

Thanks for hearing me out. ]]> Introduce Yourself Tue, 16 Apr 2019 16:26:33 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/340639-Just-to-introduce-myself-and-ask-some-advice#340639 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/340632-yetzias-galus-haaprati-source#340632 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/340632-yetzias-galus-haaprati-source#340632 also, how does THIS practically relate to a yid breaking out of his personal nisayon?  
thanks!]]> The Torah & Chizuk Approach Tue, 16 Apr 2019 14:58:10 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/340632-yetzias-galus-haaprati-source#340632 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/340596-How-are-we-different#340596 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/340596-How-are-we-different#340596
its been a few few days since I joined and I have to say that this site is a true inspiration and encouragement for me. There’s a lot more here than I expected!

That being said, Before I go into what I’m going to ask I want to give a little background of my situation. I don’t consider myself a full blown addict in any way. Since childhood I’ve struggled with looking at inappropriate pictures and women on the street (who doesn’t!) and I’m my early teens I discovered masturbation. I’ve never been a chronic masturbator as my guilt would usually hold me back. But I did fall into it every now and then. When I went to EY I visited some Internet cafes and that’s when I saw pornography for the first time. Again I would fall into it here and there but never did it on a constant basis. 

At this point my head was very dirty and I would check out every woman on the street. Time came to start dating and my head was filled with thoughts about sex. When dating a girl I would think about having sex with her a lot. 
I met my wife and we got engaged, everything was pretty smooth and when we got married I stopped masturbating for a good year or so until i went back to my here and there falling into it as when I was single. 

Basically in in a nutshell, I’m a guy who looks at women in the street (always) and thinks about sex a lot, occasionally looks at porn, pictures, or reads/listens to erotic things and occasionally masturbates. 

Now I fully understand that this is wrong according to the Torah and I always felt bad about these behaviors and that’s definitely what keeps it in check and holding me back from doing it more often. 

My question thay I’d like to pose here is from a mental health/relationship point of view. I get the feeling from many people on this forum about how damaging lust can be to a persons marriage and to their general well being overall and how it’s not living life, etc, etc..... 
I am wondering if this is so, does this mean that every non-Jew is not living life? Are they not capable of having a real relationship? Like I would say about 99% of non Jewish men are lusting, masturbating, looking at porn on a pretty frequent basis.

So basically I’m trying to understand why are we different? Why do we need to be so clean just to be mentally healthy and enjoy life. Why do we need to be so clean in order to have a good marriage?]]> Break Free Mon, 15 Apr 2019 15:06:41 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/340596-How-are-we-different#340596