Kunena Site Syndication https://guardyoureyes.com Sun, 21 Jul 2019 14:55:01 +0000 Kunena 1.6 https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/icons/rss.png https://guardyoureyes.com/ en-gb https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/342367-My-Journey#342367 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/342367-My-Journey#342367 I been on this site for a long time but this is my first post (I think, certainly first one I've started)
Basically I just had another fall and I can't keep doing that.  I want to post and keep ya'll updated on my journey to 90.  Be"H and with all your help I'll get there this time....and stay there!!
A couple of things about me.  
I have been sexually aware as far back as I can remember.
I started with P&M in 6th grade including with other ppl.
Throughout HS I was very heavy into it.  Beyond that I got into strippers hookers and massage parlors.
Late elementary school started getting into alcohol in HS got into drugs, that exploded when I went to Israel after HS then went nuclear when I came back.  After some time totally enslaved to substances I went to rehab, where surprise surprise I got kicked out for getting caught sneaking into one of the girl's rooms (she had invited me) After some time in and out of various programs I did basically get clean until today.  Still not 100%.
I turned my life around and became religious and started learning after a few more years and at that point I stopped with the porn and the stripper etc.  However I couldnt kick the mzl completely.  After that I got married and continued on the way up, although after some time P&M came back into my life on and off.  some time later I slipped back into my bad ways of strippers etc (mainly massage parlors, but everything) and got back into drugs.  Thankfully that was a short lived stint and I stopped with the bad ppl I had been seeing. That was over 4 years ago and since then I have been struggling on and off with P&M (and some mild drug use as well)
After mzl tonight I decided I need to post and I hope that will help me get through and finally kick this bad habit forever.
I forgot to mention that with all this I have social anxiety and difficulty connecting to ppl so never really built up any kind of support system in any of the programs I've been to.
Also I dont really have any friends at this point in my life.
Well that's my story morning glories and I'll try to keep posting my progress.
Thank you all for being here when I need you and I hope to be able to do the same.
Hatzlacha to us all!]]> On the Way to 90-Days Thu, 18 Jul 2019 04:29:03 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/342367-My-Journey#342367 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/342357-I-can-do-this#342357 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/342357-I-can-do-this#342357
I made it to 90 days before, fell and have been on and off since then. 

This time I hope to go further. How? You see i'm an emotional eater. When my mood dips and I get down I have a tough time and that's when I fall. So, I manned up and found a competent therapist to help me deal with my depression. B"h it's helping and when I feel good about myself I really don't struggle as hard.

For now, I'm going to start by posting on here and doing the chart and I"ll see if we need some extra tools.]]> On the Way to 90-Days Wed, 17 Jul 2019 20:33:58 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/342357-I-can-do-this#342357 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342335-Its-2019---access-is-everywhere#342335 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342335-Its-2019---access-is-everywhere#342335 Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid]]> Break Free Wed, 17 Jul 2019 01:09:00 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342335-Its-2019---access-is-everywhere#342335 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342325-GREAT-HANDBOOK-TO-BATTLE-TAYVAUnderstanding-Life#342325 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342325-GREAT-HANDBOOK-TO-BATTLE-TAYVAUnderstanding-Life#342325 guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation?category_id=149]]> Break Free Tue, 16 Jul 2019 13:16:16 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342325-GREAT-HANDBOOK-TO-BATTLE-TAYVAUnderstanding-Life#342325 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/342312-How-to-Stop-Lying#342312 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/342312-How-to-Stop-Lying#342312
For almost two weeks now I've been on GYE. and have been clean over a week B''H. I'm a newly observant Jew raised reform, spent quite a bit of time what you might call "hyper-reform" and have been working on stopping for before I returned to Judaism.
One of my main problems is that my Yetzer HaRa has developed new strategies, (or I have developed them in order to facilitate it, whichever is correct).

Basically I can take all of the steps to start watching schmutz, while denying I am doing so. This involves going into a private location with a computer to just "browse innocently" as I tell myself, disabling filters and such by pretending that I want to go onto the non-pornographic sections of sites that also contain pornography, and while I am undoubtedly doing the deed trying not too think too much.

Even though I've been clean for some time, I have been on a bit of a trip. But on Wednesday I come home and will have all of the opportunities and difficulties that I had earlier, so if anybody could give strategies for such a situation I would be greatly appreciative.

Anyway, hello to everyone on the forum and thanks for reading!]]> Introduce Yourself Tue, 16 Jul 2019 00:56:30 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/342312-How-to-Stop-Lying#342312 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342275-Frustrated#342275 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342275-Frustrated#342275 Break Free Sun, 14 Jul 2019 19:52:22 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/342275-Frustrated#342275