Guard Your Eyes - Forum

Subject: just sharing some things which help me - by: 2restart

Sun, 17 Nov 2019 08:33:28 +0000

Hi,
I'm not speaking from a place of "being clean" for a significant amount of time or so, just want to share what I noticed does help, and what, in my own experience tends to bring me down...

1. what helps is being out there, in real life, talking to people, and in general being active, doing things.
2. very important to go to shul every day, even, and especially, after a yeridah.
3. make sure to learn torah, and especially chassidus every day.

what generally brings me down is,
1. Loneliness at home, when wife and family are sleeping and Im not tired...
go on computer, and after a while... you know..
for me, it's sometimes better to be in shul late then come home and potentially waste my time and get to these things chas vshalom

2. when I'm really excited, and on a high, for good reasons, but don't know how or where to channel that energy... unfortunately it many times brings to this.... oh well.
3. emptyness. if I haven't studied Torah that day at all, or not davened maariv yet....

also helps to have an active day by day and in general to be productive and "giving", i.e. not just reading or keeping to yourself but talking with people, and accomplishing things.

and ALWAYS ALWAYS get right back on track, keep davening, learning, aderabe, that is what helps you get back on track.

i wish I had advice on how to stay clean long term, but sadly can't say that yet...

but there is always hope, and as hard as it is, the fact that were still alive means H' is giving us another chance, and is waiting for us.

Subject: I got a virus - by: farblunjet

Thu, 14 Nov 2019 17:10:37 +0000

I did avyris, and now I got a virus.

Subject: Feel The Burn! - by: simchastorah

Thu, 14 Nov 2019 11:50:26 +0000

Hello fellow GYE members!

I'm on my journey to 90 days, currently holding in day 17.
Yesterday I experienced something remarkable that I'd like to share with you all. I found myself feeling the familiar feeling of taavah, but it was missing it's edge. The part of the taavah that sort of says, "therefore, you have to do something," was missing a little bit.

Usually I, and I would guess others as well, tend to relate to the taavah and the feeling of needing to do something about the taavah as one unit. But this experience showed me that I can feel the taavah, and not need to do something about it, I can just let it be. And you know, it wasn't so bad!

In fact, it felt kind of good! Throughout these last couple of weeks I have had so many moments where I've said to myself, "Ah! I feel good! I feel clean!" Like I just took a much needed shower. But there have also been times where my desire was through the roof, and believe me I didn't feel too good then. But this experience yesterday was something different, I was able to feel the cleanliness of staying free from the aveira, while simultaneously feeling the taavah.

The Chazon Ish is quoted as often having referred to the great taanug of overcoming the yetzer. Not just feeling good about yourself because you overcame the yetzer, but while the fight is raging, feeling good overcoming the yetzer. The Gemara tells us that l'asid lavo, the yetzer hara will appear to both the tzadikim and the r'shaim (albeit differently) and they will both cry. Why must the tzaddikim cry? About what will they cry?
Rav Moshe Shapira Zatzal explained that the crying of the tzaddikim means that they are reliving the experience of the yetzer hara, and this is necessary for it is only possible to experience the tremendous oneg that is in store for them in the most profound way through experiencing it's contrast with the darkness of the yetzer.
Perhaps this lends some understanding to that taanug the Chazon Ish spoke about. If when overcoming the yetzer we can simultaneously access the sense of kedusha that we are maintaining by not giving in, we can experience an extra strong kedusha literally while feeling the taava, by virtue of the contrast to the taava itself.

May we all be zoche to strive for kedusha, and to always feel the joy of kedusha while overcoming out taavos!

Subject: Bad Guilt - by: Captain

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 19:31:30 +0000

While guilt can sometimes be good for us, often it ends up being bad for us. Sometimes it gets us to give up. Sometimes we end up stuck in the same behavior and don't get out because we identify as a person who "does those things." And there are many other ways guilt can keep us stuck.

I found a great section on this subject from The Battle of the Generation (https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation). It really resonated with me, and I wanted to share it with everyone. Here is a quote from the book (pages 347-348):

When you sin, the yetzer hara might cause some of the following thoughts:

“I am a failure. The sin I just did makes me worthless. I am off the derech, exactly like those who have rejected everything. I am just as bad. I am a sinner.

“I should have controlled myself. I could have done better. If I had just pushed myself harder, I would have won the battle. It would have been so simple for me to control myself had I tried harder, but I blew it again! I should have much more control over myself.

“I am so ashamed. I’m embarrassed to even go near anybody. Anyone who would know what I did would look down on me. Nobody would empathize with me about my struggles, not that there is much to empathize with anyway. Everybody does much better than me. I am probably the only person who does these things. No one else sins in this area, and I give in left and right. I am messed up.

“All the good I ever did is meaningless because I did this huge sin. I am horrible. How hard I fought and my effort to change myself is irrelevant; my sin is all that matters.

“Even though I labored and managed to control myself for the past two days, two weeks, or two months, that is worthless. I am the same out of control person I always was. All my effort was a waste; I’m just as horrible as I was before.

“Besides, any good I did doesn’t count because I was obligated to do it anyway. All that matters is falling short — which I just did when I violated my obligations.

“I bet Hashem is furious with me. He hates me and has rejected me. It is hopeless! He will always look down on me. Even if I do teshuva, Hashem won’t accept it. It’s impossible to undo something this severe. I did it; how can I get rid of it?

“Further, what happened is all my fault. I brought everything upon myself when I befriended those people and experimented with these sins. Had I controlled myself then, things would be so easy. If I didn’t watch those movies and hang out with those friends, I would still be pure. I activated my desires.

“And now that I have awakened my temptations, it is too late. I can’t stop myself. I am incapable, as I just proved. I do these things. I am an addict and I will never regain control, no matter what I do. I can’t even improve the situation. I’m doomed.”

These thoughts intensify the more severe the sin is. They are especially tough when it is something you haven’t done before. You feel so guilty, worthless, and helpless that it keeps you stuck in the muck. The first step is to realize that these thoughts come from the yetzer hara. They destroy your drive to serve Hashem and stop you from improving. That automatically shows it’s one of his tricks, no matter how convincing these arguments seem. Then, we can think about the situation rationally and figure out how these thoughts are incorrect.

Do any of these resonate with you? Are you able to see such thoughts making it harder for you to break free?

(See the book for more on how to deflect these thoughts, starting on page 348. Or start from the beginning of the chapter on page 341. Download the book here: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.)

Subject: Daily lesson - by: Hakolhevel

Tue, 12 Nov 2019 14:03:42 +0000

I already have a thread on my journey ( which can be seen in my signature)

I have come to realize that I always need to be involved in recovery, as I will explain shortly.

To that end I heard recently, that every day one should be able to finish the day and have learned something new. So I will IYH be posting here every day (besides Fri, Shabbos). Something I learned recovery based, either here on the forum or elsewhere.

Hopefully this will give me a incentive to always look to be learning and growing.

Please feel free to discuss and debate anything I post.

First post is something I posted a few days ago, but it's related to the reason I started this thread, here it goes.

This is from a podcast, on which Eli Nash is interviewed.

He said a great line. He still goes to meetings three times a week even though he's sober 2 and a half years because.

Im not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget"

Subject: Replacing Addictive Behavriors - by: ribnitzer

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 19:20:58 +0000

The minute that I was near a computer and got either bored or stressed, my initial gut reaction would be to "escape" into a porn site.

Eventually, when I setup filters, I still had this need/tendency to escape during stressful/boring moments while online.

I replaced searching for porn related Items, with searching for something else that I enjoyed/was interested in.

Eventually, I began an addiction with looking at Israel news. To this day, whenever I have a stressful moment, i begin switching through different israel news websites-obsessively..
Find something you enjoy reading about thats kosher, and flip to that obsessively instead of porn.

The next tip i would give is, eliminate all "legitimate" sites that have lusty articles. For a while I would visit "foxnews.com" as a legitimate reputable news outlet. However, very often they have articles, that are "gateway drugs to pornography" like articles about teachers that had relations with students, or famous actors that become "porn stars" These entertainment news articles are basically equivalent to pornography because they pique your curiosity..

Even though to most people foxnews seems kosher enough, I have eliminated it from list of sites that I visit,because I know where it could lead.

Subject: From Models to Modeling. Be a Model in 9 words. - by: Here

Sun, 10 Nov 2019 18:55:44 +0000

Humans like to follow the crowd so if we have someone to model (the more the better) it makes it easier to execute. We can also modify what others are doing base on where we're holding. I encourage brevity in order to avoid analysis of paralysis. Just to break the ice, I will share some of the crazy things I do so it doesn't feel so crazy if it is something you want to do.

I welcome your feedback on how to ask the question to get replies. Thank you

Subject: Ideas for social activities? - by: farblunjet

Sun, 10 Nov 2019 10:50:01 +0000

The last few times I acted out, I feel like I could've controlled myself, and would've controlled myself if I'd have some place to go and have a beer with some friendly people, or do some thing with someone.

Just last week I'd had a few very busy days at work and had to get my mind off work related issues, and couldn't think of anything to do or someplace to go that would distract me enough, and I succumbed.

Subject: i've had enough - by: nbjo

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 20:22:59 +0000

hi, i'm a 21 year old bochur, and i've been watching porn since i was 12, and started masturbating at 18.
most of these years i didn't have constant access to the internet, but now i do so the situation got worse.
about 8 months ago i had enough and i joined GYE. i started the 90 day challenge - and made it to 60 days before falling. since then i didn't have a single clean week.
so i'm trying again now, and (even though i'm too shy to be doing this) i'm going to try to post on the forum often (hopefully).

so, here goes...

P.S. yes, i know my user name is just a jumble of letters - at the time i didn't have a better idea...

Subject: A two-way street - by: A Good Jew

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 18:22:28 +0000

Hi all,

So B"H I'm now at eight clean days, but I noticed that I'm losing interest in things I enjoy doing and household responsibilities. I'm retired, so I have more time to help my wife, and also learn more Torah and pursue other interests. But over the last few days I seem to just want to sit around and be lazy.

I'm thinking it may be withdrawal symptoms from all the TV shows I had been wasting time with (one of my biggie addictions since childhood). So I decided that the only way to beat this and avoid a fall, is to force myself into action and ignore the YH's efforts to trip me up,

I figure, if the YH has the energy to do his thing, I also have the energy to do mine! And so I begin. Wish me hatzlacha!