So it begins.

B"H, I've been זוכה to enormous סיעטא דשמיא over the past year, and there is not a doubt in my mind that much of it (if not all of it) is due to my finally getting serious about beating the struggles that have plagued me for so long. No, I'm not completely free yet (as evidenced by some of my recent posts), and yes, there are still bumps in the road that I need to get over and smooth out, but still, the הצלחה that I've seen in my life recently is truly the hand of God at work.

Now, I don't want to be cocky/overconfident and recklessly charge into the next stage of my life without extreme caution and preparation, but I also don't want to be too cautious/hesitant and lack the confidence I need to take the next step, such that I wind up pushing my next chapter off over again and again until my own self-restraint harms me. Therefore, I feel the time has come for me to start dating. I'm not on the level I'd like to be at in this fight just yet, I don't deny it. But given that I'm in a better place than I've been in for quite some time and have an amazing supporting cast around me, my hope is that with continued סיעטא דשמיא, discipline and faith, I will keep growing during the process to the point where I will BE"H be ready to take the biggest step of all.

If you had told me 13 months ago that I would be in the position I am now, confident enough to say "Let's do this, I've matured & grown and I'm ready to date", I would have laughed in your face. But here I am. And I would never be where I am today without GYE and the support it has given me. For those who are in similar situations and are close to this stage in life, THERE IS HOPE. I'm living proof, בלי עין הרע.

I hope to check in as often as possible, in order to hold myself accountable and stay disciplined and on guard. BE"H, this next step should be with enormous הצלחה, not just for me but for all of my brothers and fellow fighters going through similar challenges. 

May we all be זוכה to הרבה שמחות.

Talk to you soon,
Fighter With Fire

Thank you all for your responses. It's greatly appreciated and helps alot!

B"H as of now doing much better, it comes and goes, but hoping it lasts. 

I'm continuing to use all the methods and strategies, I've learned and implemented.

I have faith in myself. 

Day #7.

Hey hey ouch --- hence, embarrassing
I feel as I get more particular about what may take my eyes' attention, I have noticed more little things. I guess my desire for women is trying to grab onto the smaller things now- people on the street, perhaps a comment here and there, etc. I recently noticed my sister in law, in shidduchim, has been talking to me, asking me things. I am sure she does not mean much by it (could be she also craves some male attention, pretty normal- "I just can't offer it, I'm so sorry") but it is hard to not engage. I got my itch, let it pass, did more Flight to Freedom work (I find it so annoying to do the worksheets, but that's where the work is), and spent the day with my family. Counting day by day, trying to build up more skills and new habits. 

Wow wow wow!!

Reb True Self, this post is for the books, so well written, so clear and warm. You are on the right track and climbing up on the right ladder!
we spoke on the phone already and I told you already how lucky you’re that you wife is a help and part in your success!!

I want to let the Oilem know that, we are lucky to have you here! You are such a special person and you are looking for the best!

Before we finished our conversation I told you that I have a feeling that you’re such a calm and warm person and you agreed to me, so GYE gained another role model!!

I wish you all the best (and Mazel Tov

willdoit wrote on 28 May 2023 20:41:

Thank you so much for your candidness Grant. Your lines are sharp and enlightening, but זבחי אלקים רוח נשברה. Thank you for letting us in and telling us how it is today. Each day someone else has something aching and each day someone can help pick the other one up. I can relate to some physical symptoms- I think more breathing related, tightness in the chest etc., but it feels good to know that others also face "real" symptoms. You are a chizzuk, but I am happy you don't feel the need to always have something "smart" to say. Just say it like it is.

Grant400 wrote on 28 May 2023 22:45:

I didn't get it, I want to write my own text and make it to a link, i don't want all these weird characters on the link, get me?

ChaimMod wrote on 29 May 2023 00:40:

Karma?

Eerie wrote on 29 May 2023 00:12:

FIXED...

Maybe also in the beis medrash 

Wow, I feel honored, just keep up, maybe we should make a discussion chat about it, I think that would help keep the messages strong.

Wow, that's absolutely amazing!

My dear friend, you are such a special person! Every word speaks of your strong desire to end the problematic behaviours. And you will prevail, beH. You have so much to be thankful for that your wife is your so supportive. Let her know how appreciative you are! 
My friend, you are an inspiration, and it's an honor to know you. Keep trucking, sharing, posting and soaring!

Grant, thanks so much for the chizzuk you give me, hopefully I can reciprocate! 

My dear friend Grant, who always knows exactly what to say and how to say it, the person who has inspired so many of us with his thoughtful, insightful words, I feel for you! Anything I will say you already know, all I'll say is reach out. We are here for you, there are wonderful, helpful friends waiting to hear from you and be there for you. It works, my friend. No need to go this alone....Keep sharing, and trucking:)