I wish I could help, but alas, I can't. But I can express how badly I feel for you..... such pain, such pure expression of your beautiful Neshama....

Here's a virtual shoulder for you to lean your head on, a virtual hug to share my feelings for you.....

Muttel

The longer you're clean and removed from seeing yourself in a negative light, the more objective you'll be about your own faults.... it's amazing to see you, how you are revealing more and more of your beautiful self through this precious avoda.... onwards and upwards, Dave!

With a heart overflowing with brotherly love,
Muttel

the sefer is based on his shiurim. both can be found at Simchas Hachaim Publishing. 

Day 49 posting… Day 1 clean

yoshi wrote on 13 May 2025 08:07:

Shalom Brother Yoshi,

While you need gedarim to protect from things happening during the niddah period, I would think more along the lines of adjustment than replacement. Those strong emotional connections, including the pull to the physical that you had is something that can leave you looking forward to that "new" time together that is Bezh coming up. But it does need to be balanced if you feel it is close to crossing the line. 

Do you go out on dates? Food can be a nice way to connect from across a table
Or play a game or other activity that is nice quality time for you. Go for a walk.
Physical barriers can help to mentally fortify that touch is not for now, while still allowing for the emotional connection.
Imma share something personal and hope that it helps you (and maybe others). I have specific sets of PJs for niddah times. It helps me at night and in the bedroom to have that additional physical distinction. Keeps my mind from going places that are not appropriate for the time being. 

Anywhoo, within appropriate and 'safe' boundaries, those connections are really special - especially so during the niddah times.

Happy to talk more if you'd like.

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov

Good morning, all.

Day Count: 6 Days
Cumulative Count: 1639 Days

BH another great day yesterday without any big nisyonas even though I had to go out of the frum area of yerushalyim. Im holding on day 10 and 25 on P. I wouldve thought that the first changes I would start feeling would be in yiddishkeit, learning, davening...but havent felt to much yet. But I have noticed something interesting since I started Im feeling much better about myself as a person and also the way I see others. Things that till now might have irked me a little, I find funny now... I think I finally understand the words of the beditchever that when you see a fault in others, your really looking in a mirror and seeing your own faults. I now understand that the way you feel about yourself affects the way you see others. Just a machshava! thanks

Next we will get involved in a crucial tool, attitude, and way of life, which is extremely useful both to addicts and non-addicts alike. This tool is Step-3.
Step 3 is not a one time event, but an attitude which is worked daily multiple times as the need arises.
Of course if you are a real addict this will only take you so far and you need to get your butt to an SA meeting NOW.

Create your own frum version of the third step prayer (found in the attachment below), and say it/internalize it many times each day. It works absolute wonders, we feel that we have to control everything especially our own minds; it's a failure on many levels and just makes us sicker and stupider over time. Things don't go our way and we then act out. We must learn to always Let Go and Let G-d.
Let go, let go, let go, it's one of the most important things we can hear.

I highly recommend and urge you all to read the below attachment daily and putting it into practice at once. This means when lust creeps in speak to Hashem calmly  in english and say something along the lines "Ribono Shel Olam I'm crazy, I can't deal with this, I'm giving it over to you, you deal with it, please run my mind, thoughts, and desires for me because I'm nuts and I can't do it". Say this calmly as if you are speaking to someone (bec. you are) not the way many people scrunch their faces up as if they are constipated when they daven Shemoneh Esraei (and you don't have to join the Shmoneh Esraei jumping jacks club either).

The same should be done when our mind starts racing or going places that we don't want it to. When anger, fear, anxiety, OCD, ego, self-centeredness, selfishness, resentments, shame, guilt, deppression, procrastination, jelousy, over thinking, fantasy or just our mind runs wild just stop and calmly daven.
It works, but for some it takes time and must be given a chance, try it for a few months and really mentally give your mind, life, and will over to the care of Hashem. We can't carry our burden or control the world, but Hashem can.

This should be done in all of life's situations where we can't control ourselves or others. When our In-Laws, spouses, parents, siblings, bosses, friends ect. are making us crazy we have a solution. Just stop, breath, speak to Hashem and give up the whole situation to him-to his control, and then just take the next right action That Hashem Wants You To Take, NOT the action that you want to take.

Here is Step 3 as written in The Big Book found on pages 60-63

My dear brother,

This is a battle, every day is a new day. Honestly, I got so fed up of myself, I didn’t like the person I was becoming, I felt a sense of lack. So I went on YouTube and searched what to do, I visioned what I wanted my future to look like, visioned true love not fake love. I made myself even busier, I stopped taking my phone into the bathroom or toilet, my laptop I hardly use. My phone has a filter.

It was a switch in mental attitude, I wanted abundance, I to be ‘clean’ and I kept thinking about what the Gemara said about waiting 7 days to be clean and I was horrible whenever I shook a fellow brothers hand. I changed everything I was watching. I focused on work. 

1: no phone before bed, if I do, I leave my phone in a different room
2: quick meditation, I use Moshe Gerstch
3: I exercise 3 times a week now
4: I try and learn in the morning and in the evenings
5: I’ve stopped making excuses for myself
6: Changed my victim mentality
7: Started reading more - I love YOU REVEALED by Rabbi Naftali Horowitz, practice advice that I applied.
8. Having amazing friends that I can trust 

I tried using the tools on GYE, however it was the brotherhood for me. I have ADHD and it was tough for me to watch the videos. 

Everything above worked for me (so far) and of course davening to Hashem, asking him for his help is the most important thing.

Hashem loves you all and believes in you all!!

I'm grateful that apparently a frog has 9 lives.

I had a moment of closeness with my wife this morning — thank God nothing serious happened. I'm always surprised by how strong the need is to connect physically with one's wife, not necessarily in an intimate way, but just through caresses or a hug. If anyone has tips on how to replace this need with something else we can do together that still fulfills that emotional connection, I'm all ears.
6 days clean almost a week next goal -> stay on track until shabbat 

I am very greatful for meeting a gye member today. It really helped me get back on track.
I am greatful for MBD's music

azivashacheit101 wrote on 12 May 2025 20:50:

I’m grateful for Gye which facilitates all needs including the ventful places
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שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 12 May 2025 12:43:

Was fantastic! The only chisaron was that it was too short!

55 Days Clean!

Just celebrated our Anniversary together. The best one yet!

The journey continues...