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  • Jj123
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@sbj @DavidT you bring up an important point.
Would you mind expanding upon what you said in the following areas?
1a) To what extent do the halachos of tz'nius and histaklus depend on the standards of society?
1b) What is objectively categorized as erva?
2) Is it muttar to shop at walmart or to work in the city? (I am not asking facetiously)

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  • DavidT
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TheSicarioWarrior wrote on 02 Apr 2020 21:10:
What I am saying is this: People have different standards. There is nothing beyond casual goyish dress (which unfortunately is short sleeves and shorts being worn by women) in the video. While I am not condoning such dress C"V, I know very few people who would not watch something simply because it has women wearing short sleeves and shorts. Everybody should take on as high of a standard as they can, but for people who do not have such a standard-and many don't-I would recommend this series enormously. I found it truly unbelievable. Everyone is entitled to make their own decision and have their own standards, but should not enforce those standards on others and say that they should not watch one of the most astounding, inspiring and hopeful things I have ever seen because of the casual goyish dress.

We know that you have good intentions.  Maybe edit the title of this thread to 
Everyone who is struggling MUST watch this ASAP
Some who are struggling might find this beneficial 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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  • sbj
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Is refraining from purposely looking at immodestly clad females anyone's own standard? It's a very clear torah standard. If you'd say that people actively engaged with porn can only gain from it, ok I can hear that. But throw out a recommendation to all?? Whatever is 'normal' to people today can still be outright forbidden according to halocha.
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  • sbj
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Great idea! I encourage you to start such a thread. I suspect many others will appreciate it.

Re: Need help 02 Apr 2020 21:43 #348263

  • sbj
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Trying, If a username is any indication, yours says you are trying hard despite the challenges. That alone is priceless and will eventually get you thru!

Maybe your real issue is an overly negative outlook on: life; yourself; this subject; maybe it is general disproportionate fear, or very low feelings about yourself - rather than the lust itself. I struggled greatly with what you describe and I changed b"H tremendously. In any case, there always are ways to overcome that or any issue with thoughts or feelings. Life is all about change and improvement. Sometimes we hunker down for a while looking for a break-thru, sometimes we just need support and guidance, and many times professional help is needed, but eventually all who seek and persist find the way! Never despair!
Last Edit: 02 Apr 2020 21:53 by sbj.
What I am saying is this: People have different standards. There is nothing beyond casual goyish dress (which unfortunately is short sleeves and shorts being worn by women) in the video. While I am not condoning such dress C"V, I know very few people who would not watch something simply because it has women wearing short sleeves and shorts. Everybody should take on as high of a standard as they can, but for people who do not have such a standard-and many don't-I would recommend this series enormously. I found it truly unbelievable. Everyone is entitled to make their own decision and have their own standards, but should not enforce those standards on others and say that they should not watch one of the most astounding, inspiring and hopeful things I have ever seen because of the casual goyish dress.
  • Shlemiel
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Thank you for your response.
I see every effort as having great potential.
I know from my past experience that
each hurdle can bring me to the next level.
The kedushah will accrue over time,
- H'Shem willing. Yehi ratzon.
Shalom.
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Shlemiel wrote on 02 Apr 2020 06:00:
This will not be easy; at least, I can acknowledge that. Otherwise, if I were too optimistic about this, without recognising the challenge ahead of me for what it is, I would be fooling myself. My first concern, regards what may have led to my demise in the past, when I let a false rationalization lead me into an aveirah. Rather, I should not give any credence to Freud 's instinct theory, that is based on the model of a steam engine. As if there is any truth to the claim, on his part, that there is a necessary release of libido energy that is natural (through an act that is actually forbidden according to Torah). H'Shem, may I not fall prey to this, or any other rationalization to do what is impermissible. 


It takes great effort to decide to change, and even more effort to stick to that resolution for even a short time.

As we know, effort is all that matters, and every instant of effort is priceless. The battle against desire is a challenging, lifelong battle, and it was not created to be easy. It is supposed to be a struggle, and the odds are strong that some battles will be lost.

But by keeping his determination to fight despite the difficulty, a person can achieve the ultimate success: emerging victorious from the most intense battle ever.

You should feel proud and encouraged about every ounce of effort. As a result, you will emerge stronger from your errors!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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THIS WEEKS EDITION... 
Download and enjoy!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 02 Apr 2020 15:36 by DavidT.
  • DavidT
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Here are some good things to download and read...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 02 Apr 2020 18:32 by DavidT.
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When Hashem sends us challenges, there is only one question that must be asked: “What does He want from me right now?”

We are living through a unique time. We don’t know Hashem’s reasons, but we do know everything He does is for the good.  The מאירי says (in his הקדמה to מסכת ברכות) that if a person lives through a יום טוב, and it did not affect him, and he didn’t grow from the experience, then he is comparable to a donkey that transports grain all day long. He hauls the wheat during one season, and the barley during another season, yet he never benefits from all that food. If someone eats מצה on Pesach, for example, and does not strengthen his אמונה, he is merely “carrying” the מצות around, like the donkey.

This is the choice that we are facing. בעזרת ה', we hope the pandemic will end soon. What will be then? Will we be like the donkey, having gone through such an experience, but have gained nothing from it? Or will we have used this opportunity to uplift our עבודת ה' and to become close to Him?

It’s up to us. 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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I second the words of  Gevura Shebyesod... We MUST NOT watch this ASAP

TheSicarioWarrior , please rethink this and Hashem should guide us all to do what's right.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 02 Apr 2020 14:41 by DavidT.
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TheSicarioWarrior wrote on 02 Apr 2020 03:21:
Clarification: Having watched the series, there was nothing in it (in my opinion) that the average person would find triggering or inappropriate. It is true that there are women wearing sleeveless shirts, shorts, and a couple of blink-and-you'll-miss-it time-lapses which show people passing through places like Times Square (in the summer), but I don't believe most viewers will find this triggering.
Everyone is different, and one should know what affects him. However, it is unfair to attribute one's own standards and problems to everybody else. I would be very surprised if the average viewer found the series to be problematic. On the contrary, I think they will find it incredible, heartbreaking, and inspiring.
Everyone has different standards, but it's important to remember that there is a status quo.
Hatzlacha to all.

WADR, this site is geared mainly towards Frum Yidden, and "women wearing sleeveless shirts, shorts" etc. is not something we should be seeing, regardless of whether it is specifically a trigger or not.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...





My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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  • Shlemiel
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This will not be easy; at least, I can acknowledge that. Otherwise, if I were too optimistic about this, without recognising the challenge ahead of me for what it is, I would be fooling myself. My first concern, regards what may have led to my demise in the past, when I let a false rationalization lead me into an aveirah. Rather, I should not give any credence to Freud 's instinct theory, that is based on the model of a steam engine. As if there is any truth to the claim, on his part, that there is a necessary release of libido energy that is natural (through an act that is actually forbidden according to Torah). H'Shem, may I not fall prey to this, or any other rationalization to do what is impermissible. 
Clarification: Having watched the series, there was nothing in it (in my opinion) that the average person would find triggering or inappropriate. It is true that there are women wearing sleeveless shirts, shorts, and a couple of blink-and-you'll-miss-it time-lapses which show people passing through places like Times Square (in the summer), but I don't believe most viewers will find this triggering.
Everyone is different, and one should know what affects him. However, it is unfair to attribute one's own standards and problems to everybody else. I would be very surprised if the average viewer found the series to be problematic. On the contrary, I think they will find it incredible, heartbreaking, and inspiring.
Everyone has different standards, but it's important to remember that there is a status quo.
Hatzlacha to all.
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