Shivisi, stay dtrong forever!!
i'm onGYE for a month and you're one of my strongest supporters. I read your daily post with my mouth.. i'm waiting for it the whole day. Listen if you have the power, please start posting more messages a day as you're a strong supporter to others. I really admire your great work!!! 

KEEP ON TRUCKING!! 

you're doing great......

Did you accept that you were an addict as soon as you joined GYE, or did it take time for you to figure it out? took me a week to figure that out, I was all over the place, so it took me time to understand what is called an addict.
If it took time, how did you come to that conclusion? A+B=Apples, after understanding the term of Addict then its very simple

no i did not accept it right away, though i knew deep down something was wrong.

it took me 2 years from when i joined GYE  and acted out many times till i decided to join SA, 

stardust, it depends who you ask and there is no clear for anyone,

the fact that you stopped now cause of fear means nothing, i have been scared silly many times but it did not last to long.

my last encounter got me in to SA. I SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, thats usually what gets people in to SA.

you have to ask yourself, am i able to say no and control this? am i getting worse? its very hard to be convinced to go to SA.

and yes, if you are an addict then sharing your journey with others is key, i dont know this from my own experience yet but many have only been helped this way.

​hope hashem gives you the strength to make the right choice.

Bump

When I became religious several years ago, I was definitely at my lowest point with shmiras enayim and shmiras habris. Coming from being a not religious high schooler with no sensitivity to this stuff, I would masturbate and watch porn several times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. But the idea of no longer being a slave to myself completely motivated me to get out of it. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be doing it. So after I met with my rabbi about it my senior year, I never looked at porn or masturbated again. That was until this past summer. After being in yeshiva for the past 5 years, I had a really stressful summer job. I would come home from work, emotionally and physically drained at the time, I had an instagram account, and I started to let my guard down by looking at non-modestly dressed woman on instagram. Not porn, and nothing completely naked, but definitely immodest pictures. It was then when I started to masturbate again, to release the stress I felt. From that summer I guess I got used to feeling of it, I liked the way it felt, the dopamine levels produced from looking at those images and doing “the action”.  Without any filter on my phone I started looking at actually nude images, and a few videos on my phone, even after the summer ended as a way to relive stress. It would be once a week, or once every two weeks. I davened really hard to stop, but I never really did anything about it.

Finally, in January, I knew I needed to stop for good. I got engaged and really felt like I was lying to myself, my kallah, and everyone around me. I knew it was Assur, and I knew it was preventing me from really experiencing spirituality, but that didn’t stop me from doing it. It was really preventing me from being who I wanted to be, and feeling free, feeling honest.

I asked around for the best filter and someone told me about gen tech. I had already been getting the GYE emails fro months. I downloaded a filter for my phone, and blocked instagram. I didn’t download a filter for my computer because I hardly use my computer. Ultimately that was a bad move, because it still worked enough to look at porn. So nothing really changed, except for that I wouldn’t use my phone. So then I started leaving my computer with no battery, and left it high up in my closet, so if I had an urge to take it down and charge it, then I would have a moment to stop and think about whether I really wanted to do, instead of as easily giving into my impulses.

However, the phone filter didn’t block inappropriate images on Facebook, on swimsuit or lingerie Facebook pages. So I would look at those things. Then I blocked Facebook from my phone. But twitter was the same problem, lingerie companies, or just random accounts had immodest, and even really pornographic images and some videos (on twitter!). So I blocked twitter too. I havnt touched my computer in months. This coming year, I’m going to get a new computer and make sure to have a filter on it.

Since I started having issues a year ago, my longest streak that I can remember is 3.5 weeks, around Pesach time, when I tried to internalize personal geulah from these detrimental actions. I don’t think I have an addition. I know I have a problem, and I know I have little self-control. I don’t think im addicted, because I can stop and have been able to for 2-3 weeks at a time.  Also, I haven’t watched/looked at anything even close to what I used to watch in high school, and if anything my issue isn’t getting worse, it’s getting better. I also think it’s a matter of not having the access. I have davened a lot about this and I really think I have the ability to stop. I was at the beach last shabbos, and I literally screamed to hashem to help. I have tried so hard these past couple months, with filters, with davening, with learning about it, listening to shiurim, chizuk, blocking websites. I davened to hashem harder than I ever have before. He knows how much I want to be free from this.  I asked hashem to have rachmanus on me, and help me out for everything I’ve done to no longer do this. More than anything else right now, I need to get over this. After those 45 minutes on the beach, I felt different. I have a feeling that this time it’s for real. I‘m about to graduate college, which was a huge source of stress. Im about to get married, and a lot of great things about to happen for me. And I am feeling optimistic about my future of kedusha and shmiras habris.

I’m not sure why I haven’t signed up for GYE until now; I guess I didn’t realize there was a whole app and all these resources. I really want to be done this time, and I decided to start exercising regularly to give me healthy inputs of dopamine so that I don’t need to look at inappropriate images or masturbate to make myself feel good.

I don’t want to go into my marriage with this issue; I also know marriage won’t solve it. I want to be able to experience really love, real kedusha with my marriage and be able to experience the true spirituality of Shabbos and limud torah. I want to get out of this filth and lowly level of tumah.

Hi guys,

I've been perusing some other introductions, and feel like im maybe on the wrong site, most have some sort of mild lusting & addiction to porn, masturbation etc, unfortunately my issues are that plus more...

I'm from a Yeshivish background, but unfortunately have had some decidedly unyeshivish experiences....!

Married to a wonderful woman and b'H have amazing kids, successful business and many great Chavrusas, on the surface have it all, underneath struggling mightily with crazy sexual stuff, like i'm a completely different person when it comes to the whole sex scene whether online or otherwise.

Endangering my marriage by bringing my craziness home, endangering my business by wasting hours on sexual garbage and ignoring pressing matters, endangering my kids by giving them a dysfunctional sex maniac of a father, endangering my general lifestyle by risking my anonymity on & offline, to satisfy urges, and more than all of that, endangering my Oilom Haboh by throwing away everything for a few minutes of dubious physical pleasure.

Not quite sure where i'm going with this or even where this site will get me, but iv'e tried everything including learning, therapy etc, but feel i can't join a face to face group because of my various positions in the community, so hopefully this site can help somehow...

Any advice always welcome, even where to start on this site...

Thanks!

Day #2

B"H I passed Day #1, and Today is Day #2.

I’m very happy, that today is number #2, hashem is fully on my side, I had a clean yesterday! No Porn, No bad thinking, no bad looking, and of course no bad doing, I feel B”H great, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.

We see a good lessen this week, the Medrash says, Ahron Hakohen is lighting the Menorah אור מתוך חושך to show us, that “light is coming “”only”” from the darkness”, we see it again this Parshe from Miriam, She became a מצורע because she and Ahron were talking about Moshe, we know that Ahron is a אוהב שלום  so how come he was talking about moshe? To show us the same thing, that he became the known  אוהב שלום right out from the his problem, he spoke negative about moshe, he took a lesson, and became the אוהב שלום, then we see that the צרעת turned into שלג, so what we see is, that our “fall” is just to opposite, it’s the uplift, our fall is our Tiken…

Thank you Hashem for directing me to this great GYE community, Thank all of you, for the support and chizzuk I receive daily from all of you,מי כעמך ישראל, and most of all, thanks for my great partner, all my clean days and being abstinent of any sexual stuff goes to him…

Im marching like a pro, like a major general, not looking from behind, only forward, please join me all!!!

Today is #2, and Today only, היום אם בקולו תשמעו, I will be on top of my soul, I'm not interested what happened in the past, and what it will happen in tomorrow or in 2 weeks, or 2 months... and the today is not that long, just a few hours, and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.

mikestruggling wrote on 06 Jun 2017 10:10:

Ask your rebbe and tell us what he says.

serenity wrote on 02 Apr 2017 02:24:

Why do you/we/this guy think it's okay to give people a shiur and put ourselves out to be something we are not.

i copied that because i really don't know how to do this quote thingy. now i respectfully disagree and i know everyone will disagree with me but too bad. i believe myself to be a true yarei shamayim i believe in Hashem and i definitely have yiras haoinesh (which is part of my problem and accoding to my therapist its why i suffer from anxiety). all this had me very confused until recently i joined SA and learned that there is a degree of no control (SEE MY THREAD BELOW) (i also heard that we have no control besheim r' tzadok). it happens to be that once we do act out we lose our yias shamayim that's a fact its because of klippos and stuff like that. but i can honestly preach about the importance of yrias shamayim etc. because i  understand and believe in it. even if sometimes my emotions (read: klippos) are telling me otherwise

SA isnt as scary as it seems. If you need it (your a sex addict), maybe it would be a good idea to pop in for a meeting. Hatzlacha!

Im in SA and it has helped me. 

Day #1

B"H I passed 45 clean days, what a journey, and (not “but”) Today is #1.

I’m very happy, that today is number #1, I have a choice to look at it as a sad thing, I’m back at the beginning at Day #1, but I won’t do that, I’m looking at it as, YAH I’m on Day #1, I’m not going to let myself to fall on that, I fell enough, ( let’s not call it fall, it’s a uplift) now I’m accepting only the bright part of it, and I’m very happy I’m back on track, and I promise to prevail, yes, it’s my DAY #1. As someone wrote to me yesterday, that Hashem wants we should fall and get broke afterwards, but in his way, in his terms, not in the way the YH wants, the YH wants we should get broken forever, and to get lost with it, to get completely Meyiash, and play around in the mud of sadness, he loves that, but hashem want we should get broke in his way and his terms, which is, to be broken for just a few minutes only, to get the message not to do it again, just learn from the outcome, and take the lesson for the rest of the journey, and not to stay there, just in and out, take the lesson and run, I was wondering all day, why this fall happened to me, I didn’t do anything wrong the last 7 weeks, but now I know what happened, it was just part of the healing process, hashem is fully on my side, and he sent me this fall with a purpose, TO GROW, TO LEARN, and I will take this lesson along with me forever…

I had a clean yesterday! I feel now B”H great, I recovered from my fall, and now and forever, I won’t fool myself, I’m still an addict, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms, even after 7 clean weeks, and as someone told me he had a fall after 690 clean days, please I beg everyone, don’t fool yourself, this monster is behind you..

I would like to thank all of you, for the support and chizzuk I received in the last 24 hours was tremendous, its unbelievable how people came forward, I got so much emails, so many offers to talk to me, to guide me, I don’t know anyone of this people, ,מי כעמך ישראל I was amazed, Thank You Hashem for sending me this great message, ill learn from it, and ill take it along wherever I go, ant most of all, thanks for my great partner, my 7 clean weeks goes to him…

Im marching forward like a pro, lige a major general, not looking from behind, only forward,

today is #1, and today only, היום אם בקולו תשמעו, I will be on top of my soul, I'm not interested what happened in the past, and what it will happen in tomorrow or in 2 weeks, or 2 months... and the today is not that long, just a few hours, and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.

butterfly wrote on 05 Jun 2017 14:14:

Wow. You had a lot of pain in your life and it seems like it's still haunting you. I am in SA and I know other members who go to ACA. I would think that you should see if it works for your sex addiction, and if it doesn't then maybe seek out the S-fellowship. 

Hi, thanks for your question.

The most important thing is sharing honestly with another who has had a similar experience and has made through it clean. This is the process of recovery, you are doing it!

First thing I want to say is that I have been clean from all mind and mood altering substances (drugs..) B"H, but I have only a few days off of porn from my phone, bli ayin hara.

I do believe that the recovery process can be applied to anything I want to change that is self destructive in my life.

​I can say is that my perspective on things have changed a lot through the recovery process that I'm actively involved in on a daily basis. Instead of direct answer I will look at what you wrote responsively.

"How do you deal.."

I don't do it alone. I deal by continually staying connected to the recovery process each day. For me that means daily prayer and meditation with HaShem. Meetings, sponsor, service and step work.

The support of the fellowship is my foundation from which all things are possible.

"after being clean for a while?"

There is no graduation from recovery, it is a life-long process of change  and growth. Complacency is a danger. If I ever become indifferent to recovery and say I don't need those meetings anymore I am headed for a relapse.

What the recovery process and the steps do is create a personal relationship and connection to HaShem. This helps me sometimes more than others in difficult situations especially when I am feel connected. So I try to do things daily that help me stay connected. I do what works for me. What makes me feel connected to HaShem.

"being triggered"

There is nothing more normal that for someone new to recovery to feel triggered and have urges. As an Addict that can and will happen especially when I'm new. The closer I am to my last using the stronger the pull will be.

Remember one thing when the thought to use comes: "It is just a thought I don't have to follow it." The thought and the feeling will pass as it always does.

"afraid that the urge will increase"

What happens with more time is the desire to use gets weaker and weaker with total abstinence. The fear though only changes through evidence of not using even when I  feel I must. In other words walking through that feeling with faith that I'll be okay even when I don't a ct out on it.

Realize  גם זה יעבור‎‎, gam zeh yaavor, "this too shall pass."

Remember HaShem is loving, kind and more powerful than us. And He wants the best for us.
His will is for us is not to use, our yetzer harah wants us to use. The choice is ultimately ours. We are not responsible for our disease but we responsible for our recovery and the consequences of our actions.

Today I choose not to pickup that first one because I know "one is too many and a thousand is never enough"

I hope we can continue to share with each other our struggles and triumphs to inspire each other and lift each other up.

I can't do it alone but we can do it together!

Hi Everyone,
I hit rock bottom yesterday. I really believe this time that it's the bottom. My last few bottoms weren't as bad but this one was a really hard bottom and landed with a real crash. I'm so nervous that it will happen again but I think and hope that this time I'm really ready to tackle this nasty insanity. 
My problem is that I'm going through tremendous emotional pain from loads of emotional and sexual abuse as a child and am going to therapy for the last seven years but am now really working out the heavy heavy trauma and it is massively painful and it completely wipes me out. In the past the only thing that soothed my pain was porn but that must stop now and even though I don't feel like I have an ounce of strength left to fight this battle I'm going to do it anyway but will need lots of support.
On a side note, I'm doing a 12 step program designed for emotional and sexual abuse, its called ACA program, it's a very successful and national program. Does anyone know if that would work for sex addiction or should I somehow find the time and the strength to go to a SA program as well. 
Please the more that respond the better I'll feel as I feel so alone between my emotional issues and the porn issues.
Thanks so much I love you all!!