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Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members
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TOPIC: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 815 Views

Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 03 Feb 2020 18:21 #347110

  • DavidT
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This is a beta test of doing SMART recovery online with members of GYE. Anyone can join and hopefully this will help many get to a smooth recovery.  (see more about the program details below*) 

STEP 1: "Stages of Change"
Understanding the Stages of Change, can help you understand yourself much better, and also help clarify what you should be focusing on.
We can be in one of 5 stages:
  1. Precontemplation - You're not interested in changing. Your goal is to start considering change.
  2. Contemplation - You're considering the change, but have mixed feelings. Your goal is to make a decision.
  3. Preparation - You're making a personal realistic and acceptable plan. Your goal is to make a commitment to implement the plan.
  4. Action - You're taking action to implement the plan, improving the plan with trial and error, dealing with slips and falls. Your goal is to apply the plan for 6 months and gain confidence that you can really do it.
  5. Maintenance - You're sustaining your new behavior and working to prevent relapse. Your goal is to improve your lifestyle in a way that supports the change for the long term.

Now, the question of what to do next depends heavily on what stage you're currently at.
See HERE for details on identifying in which stage you are currently at. 
-------------------------------------------------
We will start with a special member ybsys.
This member has recently had a clean streak of 18 days, then he fell again. Now he is up to  streak of 7 days.
So being that he does not yet have a personal plan of action for Urge Management, environment control, rewards etc,  he is in the Preparation stage. 
So now I will work with him to create a plan of action. I will post the plan after he agrees to it.
The next stage will be Action, where he will actually start implementing the plan, and try it out in the real life.
-------------------------------------------------

If anyone wants to join, please post based on the above info, where do you stand in the "Stages of Change" ...

-------------------------------------------------
*more about the SMART Recovery 4-Point Program

SMART Recovery (Self Management And Recovery Training) helps individuals gain independence from addiction (substances or activities).Our efforts are based on scientific knowledge and evolve as scientific knowledge evolves.

The 4-Point Program offers specific tools and techniques for each of the program points:

Point 1: Building and Maintaining Motivation

Point 2: Coping with Urges

Point 3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors

Point 4: Living a Balanced Life

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 04 Feb 2020 15:11 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 03 Feb 2020 18:37 #347111

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-------------------------------------------------
Here is another special member RecoveratGYE.
This member has recently had a few clean streaks, the last one was of 17 days, then he had a very tough week with many falls. He is extremely serious now to set a plan for recovery.
So being that he does not yet have a personal plan of action for Urge Management, environment control, rewards etc,  he is in the Preparation stage. 
So now we will work to create a plan of action. I will post the plan after he agrees to it.
The next stage will be Action, where he will actually start implementing the plan, and try it out in the real life.
-------------------------------------------------
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 03 Feb 2020 18:52 #347113

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The next step will be to start a "plan of action" which will start with each member replying to these questions:
  • The changes I want to make are:
  • The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:
  • The steps I plan to take in changing are:
  • The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help)
  • I will know if my plan is working if:
  • Some things that could interfere with my plan
  • How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)
  • How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)

Then we'll start creating a plan for Urge Management, environment control, rewards etc
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 03 Feb 2020 19:06 #347115

I would like to stop watching porn and masturbating. 
The reasons are A)it involves multiple issurim it can be very harmful for a marriage C) I can have free time accomplish things (probably many more)
The steps i wanna take are setting up and implementing a plan that will work and stick. i have been working on this myself until now without any specific plan with varying levels of success(sometimes months, sometimes weeks) but inevitably if i have unfiltered access for a extended period of time then i have fallen
these changes are extremely important level 10

many people can help me including DavidT and 360gye for now 
i bzh am confident that with the help of hashem and the GYE community I will overcome this nisayon

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 03 Feb 2020 19:27 #347116

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IMPORTANT note about Relapse

Along the way to permanent cessation or stable reduction of a bad habit, most people experience relapse.

In fact, it is much more common to have at least one relapse than not. Relapse is often accompanied by feelings of discouragement and seeing oneself as a failure. While relapse can be discouraging, the majority of people who successfully quit do not follow a straight path to a lifetime free of self-destructive bad habits. Rather, they cycle through the five stages several times before achieving a stable life style change.

Consequently, the Stages of Change Model considers relapse normal.
There is a real risk that people who relapse will experience an immediate sense of failure that can seriously undermine their self-confidence. The important thing is that if they do slip and see themselves as having failed. Rather, they should analyze how the slip happened and use it as an opportunity to learn how to cope differently.
In fact, relapses can be important opportunities for learning and becoming stronger.
Relapsing is like falling off a horse- the best thing someone can do is get right back on again. However, if they do “fall off the horse” and relapse, it is important to not fall back to the pre-contemplation or contemplation stages. Rather, restart the process again at preparation, action or even the maintenance stages. People who have relapsed may need to learn to anticipate high-risk situations (such as being with their family) more effectively, control environmental cues that tempt them to engage in their bad habits (such as being around drinking buddies), and learn how to handle unexpected episodes of stress without returning to the bad habit. This gives them a stronger sense of self-control and the ability to get back on track.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 03 Feb 2020 19:37 #347117

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battle-of-the-gen wrote on 03 Feb 2020 19:06:
I would like to stop watching porn and masturbating. 
The reasons are A)it involves multiple issurim it can be very harmful for a marriage C) I can have free time accomplish things (probably many more)
The steps i wanna take are setting up and implementing a plan that will work and stick. i have been working on this myself until now without any specific plan with varying levels of success(sometimes months, sometimes weeks) but inevitably if i have unfiltered access for a extended period of time then i have fallen
these changes are extremely important level 10

many people can help me including DavidT and 360gye for now 
i bzh am confident that with the help of hashem and the GYE community I will overcome this nisayon

Thank you.
The next step is to create a personal plan of action then you'll create a post "The steps I plan to take in changing are..." This usually will focus on 2 areas: Dealing with urges, and Stimulus Control (avoiding triggers and blocking access) 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 03 Feb 2020 21:39 #347120

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DavidT wrote on 03 Feb 2020 18:37:
-------------------------------------------------
Here is another special member RecoveratGYE.
This member has recently had a few clean streaks, the last one was of 17 days, then he had a very tough week with many falls. He is extremely serious now to set a plan for recovery.
So being that he does not yet have a personal plan of action for Urge Management, environment control, rewards etc,  he is in the Preparation stage. 
So now we will work to create a plan of action. I will post the plan after he agrees to it.
The next stage will be Action, where he will actually start implementing the plan, and try it out in the real life.
-------------------------------------------------

Here are the replies from RecoveratGYE

The changes I want to make are:
I want to have self control especially to control my eyes from watching porn and my mind from fantasizing"

The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:
To save my life and the life of my wife and my children  and to have a happy fulfilling life

The steps I plan to take in changing are:
Puttingfilters on ALL my devices and never fall before talking to somebody (Talking to someone i will have to reason with him and will all know that the reasonable thing to do is not to fall even if you thing there's no way to get through this)

The ways other people can help me are:
(include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help)
Any body from GYE who will be willing to talk to me

 I will know if my plan is working if:
When i'll be able to win my battles. and/or i'll be able to stop myself from falling more even after a fall

Some things that could interfere with my plan
Unfiltered devices. loneliness. empty time.


How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)
10

How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)
6
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 04 Feb 2020 15:40 #347135

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Today we will work on Point 2:
Dealing & Coping with Urges: Preparation and action

The first step is to "Shoot Urges Down DEADS"

Each participant will review and select the methods that seems realistic for them​ that he's ready to try. 
D = Deny/Delay
E = Escape & 
Avoid
A = Accept
D = Distract
S = Substitute


Explanation of methods:
D = Deny/Delay
Make a commitment that no matter what, you won’t act on an urge right away. Instead you’ll wait at least 20 minutes (or some other amount of time). Hopefully, by then the urge will have passed. If you want to use this technique, decide how many minutes you are ready to wait, and add it to your plan.

E = Escape & Avoid

If you know what is causing the urge, remove yourself from the source quickly — run if you have to — and wait for the urge to pass. 
You can keep track of your urges with an Urge Log. Urges can occur as part of a daily routine or weekly pattern, and are usually associated with something — a person, place, thing, etc. If you know in advance you’ll be in an urge-producing situation later in the week or month, PLAN to avoid it by using a Weekly Planner.

A = Accept
Tell yourself the urge will pass soon and if you don’t give in to it, the next urges will be less intense and come on less often. Sit down quietly and allow yourself to feel the urge build and then fade away

D = Distract
Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room won’t do the trick...
Since your mind can’t think about 2 things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else. Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book (you might want to reserve a book just for this purpose), exercise, or taking a walk outside.
Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick. By the time you have an urge, it will be hard to come up with ideas of how to distract yourself. But if you plan in advance exactly what you will do and include them in your plan, you can start a distracting activity the moment you get an urge.

S = Substitute
Substitute the harmful behavior with a healthy activity. Exercise, go shopping, prepare a meal, have a cup of coffee or a refreshing drink. You can substitute an irrational belief (“this urge will kill me”) with a rational one (“this urge is bad but it won’t kill me and it will pass”).
HERE are more ideas for substitutes 

Once the 3 participants "RecoveratGYE, battle-of-the-gen & ybsys" review and select the action steps, we will move to the next points...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 04 Feb 2020 17:11 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 04 Feb 2020 19:23 #347137

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I would like to welcome a new participant: "maxberger"
Here are his replies to the "plan of action" questions:

- The changes I want to make are:
I want to control my urges to watch inappropriate things and masturbate
I want to be in control of myself not my urges should control.

- The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:
For my wife and son   I shouldn’t feel like a fake

- The steps I plan to take in changing are:
Keep my self away from inappropriate sites( make sure have good filter)  and try to keep myself busy 

- The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help)
Other ppl I have a Rebby who I talk to when ever I’m going through a hard time 

- I will know if my plan is working if:
If I can control/stop my urges to go on inappropriate sites and hold myself back from masturbating

- Some things that could interfere with my plan
To much free time boredom seeing inappropriate things that can trigger me to want to see more inappropriate things

- How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)
 Extremely one of my main priorities

- How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)
To eventually control myself 9-10  Still not sure if it’s possible to get rid of the urges


Now "maxberger" will review the Dealing & Coping with Urges methods and create a plan of action...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 04 Feb 2020 19:52 #347138

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After a participant completes his selection of dealing & Coping with Urges methods, the next tool will be: "HALT the BADS"
Write down HALT and BADS:
HALT: Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tiredness
BADS: Boredom, Anxiety, Depression, Stress

Ask yourself: "Have I noticed the feelings of HALT or BADS result in an urge? Do I have an example to share and how it affected me? What were my thoughts? What did it make me want to do? How did I deal with it?"

Recognizing and dealing with hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness can help you identify and change some less obvious conditions that can cause urges. Other conditions or emotions like boredom, anxiety, depression and stress can also be a source of cravings and urges. If you learn to recognize these states when they’re happening, it can give you the power to address them before they lead to urges.

Then Ask yourself: "How have I successfully dealt with these?"
Suggestions:
Eating, calming down, calling a friend and getting rest can help with HALT.
Doing something fun, something that occupies your mind, doing something simple for others and doing something relaxing can help with BADS.
When an urge surfaces and you’re not sure why, try to figure out if you’re feeling HALT OR BADS. If you are, you might go for a walk, drink a cup of tea, read a book, eat a healthy snack, take a nap, call a friend, paint the kitchen, etc. If you experience any of these, do what you can to deal with them. 

If you have trouble identifying your triggers, keeping an urge log can help a lot. An urge log is a table with the following columns:
  • Date / time
  • Strength of urge (1-10)
  • Length of urge
  • What triggered my urge
  • Where/who was I with
  • How I copied and my feelings about coping
  • Alternative activities/substitute behaviors.


By keeping such a log for a few days, you can start identifying your triggers, and update your plan as needed.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 04 Feb 2020 19:54 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 04 Feb 2020 20:57 #347139

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DavidT wrote on 04 Feb 2020 19:23:
I would like to welcome a new participant: "maxberger"
Here are his replies to the "plan of action" questions:


Now "maxberger" will review the Dealing & Coping with Urges methods and create a plan of action...

"maxberger"   Has selected Distract and accept as the tools that he will work with to deal with urges. 
He is working now on "Writing down HALT and BADS:"
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session - you can join too 05 Feb 2020 01:20 #347143

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DavidT wrote on 03 Feb 2020 18:52:
The next step will be to start a "plan of action" which will start with each member replying to these questions:
  • The changes I want to make are:
  • The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:
  • The steps I plan to take in changing are:
  • The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help)
  • I will know if my plan is working if:
  • Some things that could interfere with my plan
  • How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)
  • How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)

Then we'll start creating a plan for Urge Management, environment control, rewards etc

Member "ybsys" replied the following:

(1) to stop loking  porn and stop to msb
(2)  because i want to be a erlich yid also i wanna be a normal person to be able to control my self
(3)  - not to go into places thats open the internet so i should not have a nisayon               -  be in touch with other people i should have chizuk
(4) give me chisuk the other person is making that i should not be in denial i should  know exactly were i am up to
(5) When i will feel and see that i accomplished 
(6) -to stop talking to other people about this  -go into places that the imternet is open
(7) 10
(8) 6-7

Now "ybsys" will review the Dealing & Coping with Urges methods and create a plan of action...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 05 Feb 2020 01:24 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 05 Feb 2020 03:25 #347146

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We are welcoming a new member "stronglife"

His plan of action which will start with replying to these questions are:

"The changes I want to make are to have a better connection to hashem by stopping my addictive habits of acting out.

The most important reason why I want to make these changes is that I won't feel like I am lying to my family and not going anywhere in my avodas hashem.

I plan to take steps in changing by reading the GYE handbook, keeping in touch with my mentor and replacing that time with learning, tehillim and excersize to destract myself.

The ways others can help me is by giving me encouragement. DavidT and my Rebbeim.

I will know my plan is working if I can go  more consecutive days with less falls.
Stress and lonesomeness can interfere with my plan.
I am not considering seeing something accidentally as against my plan.

my priority for this: 7. i've become accustomed to it.

my confidence: 4, because I've tried a lot before


Now "stronglife" will review the Dealing & Coping with Urges methods and create a plan of action...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 05 Feb 2020 03:28 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 05 Feb 2020 16:26 #347168

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Update on this recovery session:

The are currently 5 participants:
RecoveratGYE, battle-of-the-gen, maxberger, stronglife & ybsys

They are all still in the Preparation Stage - (making a personal realistic and acceptable plan. The goal is to make a commitment to implement the plan).

Once the plans are defined, we will post it here and they go into the Action Stage. (taking action to implement the plan, improving the plan with trial and error, dealing with slips and falls. Your goal is to apply the plan for 6 months and gain confidence that you can really do it)
---------------------------------------------
"maxberger" replied about "HALT the BADS"  
Hungry no, angry no. Loneliness yes, tiredness most likely, boardroom yes, anxiety maybe, depression most likely, stress maybe.
hen I was bored I tried to figure a way around my filter and find a new app that I can use to see inappropriate things. And I did find a new app so I immediately went to play one of my games to keep myself preoccupied and then I blocked that app.
-----------------------

If YOU want to join, just add a reply topic and we'll get you on board the fight to recovery...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 05 Feb 2020 16:48 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 07 Feb 2020 16:52 #347233

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User arlichayid is joining the SMART recovery program. Here are his responses:
  • The changes I want to make are: "i want to be lust free "
  • The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are: "because its driving me crazy and i am hating my self "
  • The steps I plan to take in changing are:
  • The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help)
  • I will know if my plan is working if: "if i will be lust free for a month"
  • Some things that could interfere with my plan being lonely and not have what to do
  • How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale) 10
  • How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale) 3

​We will work now on defining the steps he can take for changing and the people that can help him...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 07 Feb 2020 16:54 by DavidT.
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