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Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members
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TOPIC: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 579 Views

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 10 Feb 2020 19:19 #347272

  • DavidT
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User Shmuu  is joining the SMART recovery program. Here are his responses:
  • The changes I want to make are: Stop searching and looking at inappropriate things on my phone especially in my current state where my BODY has no desire or need to do so (unlike when I was younger).
  • The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are: I want Hashem to bless me with siyata dishmaya in all that I do.
  • The steps I plan to take in changing are: Say Tehilim
  • The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help  Don't have any
  • I will know if my plan is working if: If I stop acting out.
  • How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)  6-10
  • How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)  10 (Hashem has helped me before so Hashem can help me again)
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 10 Feb 2020 19:20 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 11 Feb 2020 16:24 #347291

  • DavidT
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Here are replies from a new member that is joining the SMART group: SBJ 
The replies are quiet elaborated which show that he is very serious in his recovery efforts and we hope that others will read it and learn from it.
--------------------------------------------------
The changes I want to make are:
  1. Having clarity that my pains that can drive me to lust are over exaggerated by my mind; and that so are the 'solutions': for me lust or food. In other words, to be clear that it's all created in the mind. The problem isn't really THAT MUCH of a problem, and the 'solution' is NOT A SOLUTION AT ALL.
  2. Accepting my troubles, past and present. Not see myself as bad or punished. Believe that it's from Hashem and for the good. Very, very hard... But this was THE cause of turning towards lust (for me).
  3. Finding fulfillment in marriage so I'm not in pain about it. This is currently my main trigger.
  4. Not fool around at the borderline between a slip and a fall... (I sometimes tend to go right up till the border... Want to stay away of lust completely, to 'see' the importance and effect of small actions) Similarly:
  5. Have clear boundaries between searching for info on improving marriage, to searching stuff for satisfaction. Not an easy one...

The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:
  1. The pattern of the pain AND the supposed solution is keeping me from moving on with life. Want to free myself the negative effects of my past. Experience life freer and fuller.
  2. If I happen to slip I lose my confidence and vitality. Can get me real shaky sometimes.
  3. I want to be fully true to myself. Have full integrity & keep my self esteem up and running.
  4. I want to be in a space where I'm distracted from low feelings and lust; where I'm active & productive; vigorous & upbeat
  5.  Ideally don't even desire or go after what's not meant for me. Have a solid wall between me and lust outside of marriage. Just get rid of the chains of this monster that had me captive for decades.

The steps I plan to take in changing are:
  1. Having accountability and support thru interacting with others.
  2. Clarifying my goals in getting away from lust even more, and have clear actionable steps towards them

The ways other people can help me are:
  1. Just by being in touch about progress in this program = accountability
  2. Being available for support.

I will know if my plan is working if:
  1. I see myself moving away from my current state of carelessness and neglect about slipping
  2. I get a renewed sense of purpose and connection  

Some things that could interfere with my plan:
  1. Relationship or social stress, especially marital stress.
  2. Feeling disconnected spiritually.
  3. Procrastination; comfort zone

How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)Hmmm5-6, I'm in control of lust if I want to, I have something in place to keep me from falling. I'm not desperate and need more motivation to give up the last bits. On the other hand its not that hard for me at this time so the group setting and connection to others should do it. I may still be in Contemplation stage...How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)8-9
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 11 Feb 2020 19:07 #347293

Im not sure which category this falls into but(kind of a combination of a few) but before I fall I need to run a 20 min jog
also is there anyway to make a chat with everyone in this program?

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 11 Feb 2020 20:13 #347297

  • DavidT
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battle-of-the-gen wrote on 11 Feb 2020 19:07:
Im not sure which category this falls into but(kind of a combination of a few) but before I fall I need to run a 20 min jog
also is there anyway to make a chat with everyone in this program?

There are a few benefits of going for a jog:
1- Distract yourself - by doing something else
2- Deny & Delay


Some people find that quiet prayer or meditation helps create feelings of calm and relaxation, while still others prefer burning off excess agitated energy through vigorous exercise, such as jogging, lifting weights, or riding a bike.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 11 Feb 2020 21:34 #347300

  • DavidT
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User x102353 is joining the SMART recovery program. Here are his responses:

I am at level 4 (Action)

Baruch Hashem since I joined GYE I have been completely clean, except for a little almost slip with some social media.

I am working towards the 90 days, and then 6 months sounds like a good plan to me.

I continue to find ways to balance myself, and ways to avoid triggers, like seeing things on the street or the internet. I want to continue with these changes, and stay free of P&M.

The most important reasons for this is I want to have a good marriage, I believe I'll have a better life with this new way, and I want a better after-life.
Additionally, I want to reach my potential, and I think that this is a major step in that.

My wife is helping me with watching what I do on the internet, and everyone on GYE  are helping me by sharing and being available for talking when I need some chizzuk.

Lastly, DavidT is heping me by constantly reaching out so I don't feel alone or forgotten, or unimportant.

I know my plan is working by my internal "clock", sensitive to my addiction and my feelings, telling me when I'm feeling strong and when I need some help.

I believe every day that passes is one step closer to living a better life. If chas ve'shalom some non-filtered device comes my way I fear I could fall.

I am about 8 on the confidence scale, and it's a 10 important to me that I make these changes and live a different life.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 11 Feb 2020 21:48 #347301

  • x102353
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Thanks DavidT for posting that, breaking the ice for me (:
I want to share with everyone something amazing. I hope this will continue, but the past 33 days, since I joined GYE I have had an amazingly easy time (comparatively) with my addictions. 
Daven your heart out. It might take years- for me it has been a long 14 years... but I've now been cleaner than I've ever been before. I've experienced tremendous Siyatta Dishmaya- you can too. Don't give up. Ever. 
Hashem loves your tefilos, and He is storing them up for when the time is right. He will help you, lifting you up on your own personal miracle. It might take every possible step in the GYE handbook, but you will get there. 

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 13 Feb 2020 17:34 #347322

  • DavidT
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User wayup is joining the SMART recovery program. Here are his responses:

The changes i want to make is stop p..n and m"z completely

The reasons are first'able the issurim and cause it can ruin my whole life wife and children i don;t have yet a plan how to change,

The ways other people can help me is by giving chizuk and experience including "david T"

I will know that my plan works is by seeing progress of course, that i can stand by a few days in a row,

Things that could interfere is movies and open internet  and all kinds of non proper seeings, and stress,

its very important to me to make these changes no. "10"

I'm confident that i can make these changes but i don't see it very close like no. "6" ! 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 16 Feb 2020 16:15 #347360

  • DavidT
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"wayup" has reviewed the methods for urge management and decided that these 3 methods will work best for him:

E = Escape & Avoid
If you know what is causing the urge, remove yourself from the source quickly — run if you have to — and wait for the urge to pass. 
You can keep track of your urges with an Urge Log. Urges can occur as part of a daily routine or weekly pattern, and are usually associated with something — a person, place, thing, etc. If you know in advance you’ll be in an urge-producing situation later in the week or month, PLAN to avoid it by using a Weekly Planner.  
S = Substitute
Substitute the harmful behavior with a healthy activity. Exercise, go shopping, prepare a meal, have a cup of coffee or a refreshing drink. You can substitute an irrational belief (“this urge will kill me”) with a rational one (“this urge is bad but it won’t kill me and it will pass”).
HERE are more ideas for substitutes  
A = Accept
Tell yourself the urge will pass soon and if you don’t give in to it, the next urges will be less intense and come on less often. Sit down quietly and allow yourself to feel the urge build and then fade away
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 16 Feb 2020 16:15 by DavidT.

Re: Online SMART Recovery session with GYE members 23 Feb 2020 17:58 #347503

  • DavidT
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DavidT wrote on 10 Feb 2020 19:19:
User Shmuu  is joining the SMART recovery program. Here are his responses:
  • The changes I want to make are: Stop searching and looking at inappropriate things on my phone especially in my current state where my BODY has no desire or need to do so (unlike when I was younger).
  • The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are: I want Hashem to bless me with siyata dishmaya in all that I do.
  • The steps I plan to take in changing are: Say Tehilim
  • The ways other people can help me are: (include the names of some people and the possible ways each one can help  Don't have any
  • I will know if my plan is working if: If I stop acting out.
  • How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale)  6-10
  • How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale)  10 (Hashem has helped me before so Hashem can help me again)


User Shmuu has indicated that "Distract Method" would work best for him. A funny video. Laughing releases endorphins and can be really pleasurable if I'm in the mood. The video would be seen on my smart phone. The time i get urges is when I'm all alone with my unfiltered smartphone. Also when there was a filter it was just as bad. But I think a funny video would delay it.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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