Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

Men and Women's forums are now seperate
(0 viewing) 
This board is for the webmaster of GYE to make important announcements.

Feel free to comment UNDER the announcements, but new threads are not allowed in this board.

TOPIC: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 30007 Views

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 14:56 #45279

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1058
  • Karma: 2
ya if you wouldnt mind taht'd be great!!

Thanks

-Yiddle
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 16:43 #45314

  • 7yipol
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • YES HE CAN!
  • Posts: 4686
  • Karma: 9

« Reply #977 on: January 13, 2010, 01:40:40 AM »
7up has a great deal to say and women are usually very insightful but I am much more comfortable when we stay separate. Please.


I see that a final apology is in order here.
While I posted a lot on the mens side, I honestly tried to restrict myself to threads where I thought my presence would add and not disturb.
If at any point I overstepped the bounderies of tznius, or made anyone uncomfortable by being on this side at all, I request mechila.

The girls and I will be watching your side closely.
Please keep it going for our sakes!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 16:45 #45316

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 266 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3726
  • Karma: 10
7up, I know you're busy...but anytime you have a chance, your presence on my thread would be welcome and appreciated...

And your help in the past (and from all the girls, too)...my appreciation is beyond words.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 17:07 #45329

  • Kedusha
  • Current streak: 35 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Administrator
  • Posts: 3166
  • Karma: 41
7Up wrote on 13 Jan 2010 16:43:



« Reply #977 on: January 13, 2010, 01:40:40 AM »
7up has a great deal to say and women are usually very insightful but I am much more comfortable when we stay separate. Please.


I see that a final apology is in order here.
While I posted a lot on the mens side, I honestly tried to restrict myself to threads where I thought my presence would add and not disturb.
If at any point I overstepped the bounderies of tznius, or made anyone uncomfortable by being on this side at all, I request mechila.


7Up,

You never overstepped any boundaries.  As for making anyone uncomfortable, there's nothing to apologize for - you were interacting well within the rules of the forum, like most other forum members.

I think the next generation of GYE users will wonder how the forum was ever "mixed" - much as we wonder about how many people in the previous generation or two seem to have violated certain open Halachos.  We forget that the earlier generations had their own set of Nisyonos (e.g. 2 generations ago, the Nisayon was Shemiras Shabbos), and that, having passed them, we are able to build on what they accomplished.

Difficult as it may be, this transition would have happened eventually, in any event, and is a genuine milestone in GYE's history.  Indeed, it's difficult to imagine GYE expanding to all different segments of Klal Yisrael if it continued to be mixed.  See my second and third letters on this page.
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: 13 Jan 2010 20:48 by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 18:09 #45358

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 266 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3726
  • Karma: 10
Kedusha...an interesting point. Makes us look at things in a different way...
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:02 #45389

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1058
  • Karma: 2
Rage ATM wrote on 13 Jan 2010 18:44:

i guess i should do this before we close this thread out:

yearning, i apologize for offending you in my posts yesterday...i honestly did not intent to offend you...i hve a problem communicating sometimes....youve done some pretty amazing things towards your recovery, and as kanesher pointed out, youve done more torwards your recovery than i can find the guts to do...i wish you the best of luck in all that you do...i hope you do find that bat yisrael you couldnt see before...keep up the amazing work...keep my friends habib, trying, letakain and 7up entertained and inspired there on your side of the iron curtain...peace out...


Thats a step in the right direction if I have ever seen one. Youre a Tzadik RATM! Keep it up.

-Yiddle
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:15 #45396

  • Steve
  • Current streak: 2123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • I
  • Posts: 903
  • Karma: 1
Kedusha wrote on 13 Jan 2010 17:07:


I think the next generation of GYE users will wonder how the forum was ever "mixed" - much as we wonder about how many people in the previous generation or two seem to have violated certain open Halachos.  We forget that the earlier generations had their own set of Nisyonos (e.g. 2 generations ago, the Nisayon was Shemiras Shabbos), and that, having passed them, we are able to build on what they accomplished.

Difficult as it may be, this transition would have happened eventually, in any event, and is a genuine milestone in GYE's history.  Indeed, it's difficult to imagine GYE expanding to all different segments of Klal Yisrael if it continued to be mixed.  See my second letter on this page.




Kedusha, while you are right, this would have happened eventually, it is still a bitter pill to swallow for another reason:

Years ago, I was involved in an outreach org that was trying to interest assimilated college kids to come to an exciting Torah lecturer. They wanted to make a humorous flyer advertising the topic, like any good advert for a lecture posted on that campus. The head rabbi of the org said NO. you don't water-down torah. The truth of torah will sell itself. advertise in a way that will peak their interest but not make fun of the Torah or frumkeit. Example are those famous illustrations of an assimilated family around the seder table, or men in shul. They may be funny, even true to life, but they are NOT l'kovod Torah and Yiddishkeit, and that takes away from the chashivus in the eyes of everyone.

So, yeah, halachic guidelines need to be followed, and Tnius has to be adhered to, and the more that is accomplished, the more this heilige site and forum will attract the yeshivishe and chassisihe crowd who need it to join.

But what about the "fruma" of the Conservative, the USY'ers and the Modern Orthodox NCSY'ers out there. Will they get turned on or off by the separation? before, i thought this was a nice happy medium - and could help give access to our less affiliated brothers and sisters, who might be mekarev by these hip yet frum conversations between both genders. And more close to home, what brought all us yeshiva and sem and bais yaakov grads here in the first place, was our internet addiction and worse that made us feel "less" than frum. Are there any of us, men or women, who would NOT have joined if the forum was as separated as it is becoming? were we not slightly intrigued by the other side's problem?

just a few thoughts.

I think moving forward, just like we were thinking about ways to have something fitting younger, teenage addicts, we also should think of methods to make this accessible to all Jews, while not weakening the kedusha of this site for B'nei Torah. The biggest difficulty is getting people who are not used to tzniyus in speech and thought to obey the rules and avoid triggering comments. but then again, it's good to expect more of people, because they for the most part valiantly rise to the occasion. As long as they feel respected, feel they have a voice.

Viva La Revolution!!

No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:28 #45403

  • habib613
steve, while i respect you tremendously (thanks for the mom-mail ), i disagree (yeah.... I am defending the separation... who woulda thunk?)

if this forum was seperate, i think i would have joined MUCH quicker. i don't think i would have gained near as much, but that's a seperate topic.

thing is, acting out in the more modern world is very accepted. chances are there are a lot of not so frum people who are addicted and don't realize, or do realize and don't particularly want to stop.
some may, that is true. but those that are less religious and really want to stop are much more likely to go to therapy themselves, or 12 step groups themselves. it's easier for a guy with a baseball cap to walk into an SA meeting. it's harder for a guy with a beard and payes. or a girl who's dressed tzanua.
for people who are already so active in the secular world, these things, while not "normal," would be considered ok behavior.
in the more yeshivish/chassidish world, these things are often very looked down upon, and word travels VERY fast. All one needs is for someone to see him walk into the therapist, and that's it. no more shidduchim for me...
i think GYE fills a nitch for a more religious crowd that they wouldn't be able to get anywhere else.
Last Edit: 13 Jan 2010 19:34 by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:34 #45406

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1058
  • Karma: 2
Habib,

I do respect your reasoning but you are already in the GYE loop. You know that there IS a woman's forum. How does a female have ANY chance of joining GYE when she thinks she is goin to be the only female?

-Yiddle
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:37 #45407

  • habib613
Yiddle2 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:34:

Habib,
I do respect your reasoning but you are already in the GYE loop. You know that there IS a woman's forum. How does a female have ANY chance of joining GYE when she thinks she is goin to be the only female?
this was brought up on our side of the forum.
R' Guard said he would do something about that. maybe put an announcement somewhere.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:39 #45408

  • Steve
  • Current streak: 2123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • I
  • Posts: 903
  • Karma: 1
habib613 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:28:

steve, while i respect you tremendously (thanks for the mom-mail ), i disagree (yeah.... I am defending the separation... who woulda thunk?)

if this forum was seperate, i think i would have joined MUCH quicker. i don't think i would have gained near as much, but that's a seperate topic.

thing is, acting out in the more modern world is very accepted. chances are there are a lot of not so frum people who are addicted and don't realize, or do realize and don't particularly want to stop.
some may, that is true. but those that are less religious and really want to stop are much more likely to go to therapy themselves, or 12 step groups themselves. it's easier for a guy with a baseball cap to walk into an SA meeting. it's harder for a guy with a beard and payes. or a girl who's dressed tzanua.
for people who are already so active in the secular world, these things, while not "normal," would be considered ok behavior.
in the more yeshivish/chassidish world, these things are often very looked down upon, and word travels VERY fast. All one needs is for someone to see him walk into the therapist, and that's it. no more shidduchim for me...
i think GYE fills a nitch for a more religious crowd that they wouldn't be able to get anywhere else.





Habib, VERY WELL SAID.

I am gonna miss seeing your perspective. you have one amazing neshomah.

Thank you for ALL that you have taught me, and the other shnooks on this site.

I hope that Guard will continue to post your perpsective for us all to see, in the Chizuk emails and on the Main .ORG pages. You know what, HE'D BETTER!!! Besides the chizuk for US, it'll help all your ol' friends to at least get a glimpse of your progress. And that goes for all your co-horts over there.

And if I never get to see another Letakein poem, I'D THINK I'D CROAK!!

No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:41 #45410

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1058
  • Karma: 2
Is an announcement really going to do it....?? Come on lets be realistic here. No female is going to join without actually seeing what goes on in the woman's forum. Right now there arent that many woman on the forum to begin with so as it is females obviously don't feel its appropriate to join. Again I dont think an announcement is going to do it.

-Yiddle
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:45 #45412

  • Steve
  • Current streak: 2123 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • I
  • Posts: 903
  • Karma: 1
habib613 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:37:

Yiddle2 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:34:

Habib,
I do respect your reasoning but you are already in the GYE loop. You know that there IS a woman's forum. How does a female have ANY chance of joining GYE when she thinks she is goin to be the only female?
this was brought up on our side of the forum.
R' Guard said he would do something about that. maybe put an announcement somewhere.


One day there is gonna hafta be availability on search engines, ads, etc., and the boys are gonna hafta behave themselves and not try to visit by pretending to be girls. (A-HEM... wonder where THAT idea came from.... who's Bruce?...) And that day hasta come soon, so you ladies can have more company. i'm just glad YOUZ GUYS are the founding fathers mothers of the forum. I just know you're gonna be EXCELLENT with the new recruits. It'll do you a world of good to be sponsor-like-thingies over there...
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:47 #45414

  • habib613
Steve wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:39:

Habib, VERY WELL SAID.
I am gonna miss seeing your perspective. you have one amazing neshomah.
Thank you for ALL that you have taught me, and the other shnooks on this site.
I hope that Guard will continue to post your perpsective for us all to see, in the Chizuk emails and on the Main .ORG pages. You know what, HE'D BETTER!!! Besides the chizuk for US, it'll help all your ol' friends to at least get a glimpse of your progress. And that goes for all your co-horts over there.
And if I never get to see another Letakein poem, I'D THINK I'D CROAK!!
aww... thanks. We're lucky... at least we get to see how you guys are doing
Yiddle2 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:41:

Is an announcement really going to do it....?? Come on lets be realistic here. No female is going to join without actually seeing what goes on in the woman's forum. Right now there arent that many woman on the forum to begin with so as it is females obviously don't feel its appropriate to join. Again I dont think an announcement is going to do it.

haven't you ever signed up for something, realized you didn't want it, and then canceled? if the girl sees an announcement, and realizes she is addicted, she can sign up, take a look around, and then decide if she wants to stay or not.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Men and Women's forums are now seperate 13 Jan 2010 19:51 #45419

  • habib613
Steve wrote on 13 Jan 2010 19:45:

One day there is gonna hafta be availability on search engines, ads, etc., and the boys are gonna hafta behave themselves and not try to visit by pretending to be girls. (A-HEM... wonder where THAT idea came from.... who's Bruce?...) And that day hasta come soon, so you ladies can have more company. i'm just glad YOUZ GUYS are the founding fathers mothers of the forum. I just know you're gonna be EXCELLENT with the new recruits. It'll do you a world of good to be sponsor-like-thingies over there...

yeah... we also thought of that idea way back when we couldn't read your forum at all.
but just so you know, whenever i see a newbie specialgroup, i'm planning on making her a welcome thread... so if bruce decides to do that, he's gonna find a "welcome brucetta" thread... replete with confetti and all that stuff... jk.
don't break R' Guard's trust. or else he might start screening the women to be sure they're really women. and THAT would really destroy any chance of new members.
Last Edit: by .
Time to create page: 1.63 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes