Kunena Site Syndication https://guardyoureyes.com Fri, 18 Oct 2019 19:24:46 +0000 Kunena 1.6 https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/icons/rss.png https://guardyoureyes.com/ en-gb https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344233-working-the-steps-to-a-brighter-tomorrow#344233 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344233-working-the-steps-to-a-brighter-tomorrow#344233
This is my 3rd username on the forum, frankly i shut-down my old emails and have no way to access them. I'm here open, honest, and wanting to make a senscere and long-lasting change in my life.

Not all of the program 'works for me', and frankly, most of the guys in 12 step groups just creep me out and make me wana run-away. I used to ascribe to the Duvid-Chaim path that drew on the *approved* literature more than on what's popular in the groups (e.g. the role of a "sponsor", and definition of "powerless"). And i must comment that the philosphy of the 12 steps is a GREAT THING to argue about... in the event that i would be working them. 

day -  0          finds me yet-again wasting my life and semen on whatsapp groups. it makes me wonder how many people are constantly leaving because people don't share shmuts fast enough, as opposed to me who leaves and deletes and trace of it, because i want nothing to do with porn!      i wonder if by being truthful on those groups, the admins would kick me out of the group out-of-pity. 

please G-d, don't send anyone to this thread who treats me like a newbie.    Please G-d don't send anyone to remind me about woodford or KOT.     Please G-d help me accept the fact that i will undoubtly have the lowest karma rating on this forum, and not take it to heart this time.]]> On the Way to 90-Days Thu, 17 Oct 2019 17:43:52 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344233-working-the-steps-to-a-brighter-tomorrow#344233 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344225-It-physicaly-hurts-to-hold-backwhat-can-I-do#344225 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344225-It-physicaly-hurts-to-hold-backwhat-can-I-do#344225 On the Way to 90-Days Thu, 17 Oct 2019 13:44:35 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344225-It-physicaly-hurts-to-hold-backwhat-can-I-do#344225 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344194-Making-it-happen#344194 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344194-Making-it-happen#344194 I hope all chime in, and would like to keep this thread for inspiration, for people to post their milestones, and most importantly each other to look out that no one “falls off the band wagon”. ]]> On the Way to 90-Days Tue, 15 Oct 2019 17:38:59 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344194-Making-it-happen#344194 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344128-31-days-for-the-first-time---in-a-long-time#344128 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344128-31-days-for-the-first-time---in-a-long-time#344128 Bh my limud has been going very well and I've just realized that, since I've started preparing for Yom Kippur, I've let the taavos aside and focused on my growth. 
For the first time in a very , very long time, I have reached 31 clean days. My streak was somewhere about 8-9 months (that was 4 years ago) and since that slipped, I was only able to do a couple weeks or so. (I did 3.5 months after I got married, but then I realized that wasn't the solution. 

I'm feeling confident and happy after Yom Kippur. I'm devoted to make this work this time. I'll make another post soon describing everything that I'm doing to make this work, but I want to say: this is the best time, in my opinion, to do it. We are clean of our sins and that is a major motivation. 

Stay strong my friends. Gmar Chatima tova! ]]> On the Way to 90-Days Wed, 09 Oct 2019 21:27:27 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344128-31-days-for-the-first-time---in-a-long-time#344128 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344058-Really-Need-Help--and-pretty-soon#344058 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344058-Really-Need-Help--and-pretty-soon#344058 I have b''h reached 104 days, something that I am extremely proud of. For some reason however my tayva to fall again has increased so much in the past two weeks. I do not know what to do. I have filter on my phone, but on my laptop I have KBA- a knas system, where if it catches me fall- then will charge like $200- but now even that charge is not such a deterrent,  and in addition I am on Taphsic, but I just still have this yetzer hara to fall- that is how strong the tayva has been getting. Hirhurim are too much. The only thing that is stopping me is remembering how painful it was last time I had such a long streak and how long it took to get back, and that I want to start dating soon and want to be clean when going through that process. As I type these reasons and think about them, my temptations lessen, but then after a little they come right back up. I honesty  am not enjoying this crazy amount of temptation that I am forcing down. I often say that if I just get over this little rough patch then all will be good but I keep getting back into this bad zone. I am in this horrible pattern of  major hirhurim and tayva, satisfying it a little- whether by letting the thought continue or looking at some immodest pictures (not R-Rated, just not tznius at all- b''h haven't really fallen with any x rated stuff) and then forcing myself to stop a little bit before I am led to fall because I know how much pain it will cause. I feel like this is a dangerous path. If anyone has any helpful suggestions that would be much appreciated. ]]> On the Way to 90-Days Sun, 06 Oct 2019 22:49:42 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/344058-Really-Need-Help--and-pretty-soon#344058 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343977-My-accountability#343977 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343977-My-accountability#343977 On the Way to 90-Days Thu, 03 Oct 2019 22:40:49 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343977-My-accountability#343977 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343950-Very-Hard-After-Rosh-Hashana#343950 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343950-Very-Hard-After-Rosh-Hashana#343950 For the past three years, I have continuously failed at the 90 days challenge, never getting past two weeks. Recently I have been going on two one-week streaks when  Rosh Hashana ended and now I have faced serious addiction to p***, mzl, and internet distractions in general. Until Chanukah, I will try to abstain from Goyish entertainment. For some reason filters don't work well on my computer (I've tried three or four).  Music and football take up so much of my time and sleep and I just want to spend my time wisely. I need my computer for homework, but I can do more of my homework in libraries with other students.
      This is day zero to my journey and I will try to climb out of the hole I've dug for the last three or more years. I also have trouble with motivation. I don't really care about anything except when showing off to other people and it is a really bad way to live. I really put in a lot of Cavanah in shul, and I feel sad on how I've quickly I've fallen. Whenever I have the slightest difficulty with my homework, I get distracted which sometimes leads to Shmutz. Does anyone have Torah suggestions to help me get out of this mess? I guess I should try to be a proud Jew and serve G-d as much as possible. Since tests are so sporadic, I have no real motivation to go to sleep early and avoid Shmutz. I am harming myself from lack of sleep and I don't care. How could I be a healthy, happy person without Shmutz?]]> On the Way to 90-Days Thu, 03 Oct 2019 07:34:30 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343950-Very-Hard-After-Rosh-Hashana#343950 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343911-Ups-and-downs#343911 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343911-Ups-and-downs#343911 On the Way to 90-Days Sun, 29 Sep 2019 21:07:41 +0000 https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/343911-Ups-and-downs#343911