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TOPIC: bardichev's battle 100051 Views

Re: bardichev's battle 10 Mar 2019 18:24 #339517

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 27 days
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Trouble wrote on 25 Apr 2017 13:15:
My second attempt.

Thanks for all the rifraf and bantering back and forth. Interesting that this thread is void of the "hey trouble, good going, your streak is inspiring to all, brush yourself off, you can do it," but whatever, it's fine by me.

.....

.....

Here are some of the mantras and one-liners that we are accustomed to here on this anonymous-name-quasi-rules-mostly orthodox (any religion)-12 steps flag waving/card carrying website: one day at a time; pick yourself up; Torah will save you; remove your glasses; thinking about your wife is lusting, no it's not, yes it is - it's the yetzer hara in all his glory; it's all barsherte/there was nothing you could have done; it's all one big test; it's not my fault (one of my favorites); this happening was a direct sign from Above; dreams are narishkeit, no, they're not, fantasies are, etc.

So, let's get back to our story and address some of the choshuve esteemed comments: doing the deed with a business associate is a terrible and grave sin and should not be joked about. Ok, we got that out of the way. Yes, we care if it happened and we must repent to the fullest (and you even merit to say the parenthesis in tefillas zakah - I always thought like rabbi Akiva, מתי יבוא לידי ואקיימנה?). But, regarding sobriety: ultimately, what difference does it make if you spent two hours on your computer in your office closet watching p*** and m********** (did I do that right?) and spilled seed (can't believe I wrote that), or it was spilled right before dessert? The count (הלכה למשה מסיני) must be reset. The bottom line is that for today, my job and focus is set. Will I need to read more pages from the giant book because the sin was more severe? (And I forgot to mention רחמנא ליצלן חס ושלום.) Do I now need to work 18 steps? I still need to do the same thing. I must guard my eyes. I must work a recovery program. I must open to another sober, more experienced person. And I must ask and answer the questions in the daily renewal. 

......

Please forgive my attitude and tone. I am infatuated with lust. It engulfs me. No matter what I do, I'm no good without lust, And I can't get enough, Must be lust on my brain.


"hey trouble, good going, your streak is inspiring to all, ....,"
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