Shem, 
Thats a shame. 
I used to get very depressed about the generation and how there is no hope, etc. 
I couldnt accept that. Hashem doesnt make mistakes! He didnt put us in a place of no hope to torture us! That would be cruel. 
Saying that everything is going down the toilet and everyone will go OTD and we are terrible for lusting and disappointing Hashem helps nobody. 

You really should star learning some Chasidus and you will see the light thats hidden in plain sight. 
I can explain it more if you are interested, But I am refusing to accept fatalism or defeatism.

chancy wrote on 30 Jul 2024 20:07:

Something some people have trouble doing is differentiating between realism and fatalism. 

Hashem of course doesn't make mistakes, and wherever he put us (even if it's a hopeless situation al pi derech hateva) is for the best. And no one said everyone is going off the derech and straight to hell. 

But denying the realities of the world isn't helpful either. Denying the current rates of teens going off the derech (or calling it "going on their own derech") is foolish and pointless. Denying that the vast majority of Jews literally cannot read the shema and overwhelmingly will not have Jewish grandkids is stupid. Thinking that Hashem loves me so I'm gonna keep on masturbating myself and will get out of jail free through gods grace is pretty dumb, and also christian.

Being pessimistic is a foolish way of not being realistic too. And even when true, focusing on the negatives is often unhelpful. We're weak, and easily thrown into a funk by scary thoughts.

A man with no eyes can refuse to accept reality. He can delude himself that he can really see, he can get depressed, or he can try to escape mentally whenever possible. Or, he can accept he's blind and live the best life a blind man can. Either way he's never gonna see anything again, but why be sad about it. He can be realistic without being fatalistic. 

Hashem is closer to us than we can possibly imagine. But someone denying the messed up state of the world means that they either have a level of prophetic vision that is beyond everyone else, or, they're delusional.

With love and unending
Shem

As a recovering pessimist, the last few posts in this thread have been refreshing to read, though I haven't read them with the appropriate שימת לב.

My two cents:

We live in a dark and broken world, where the future looks bleak and not at all promising. Both on an individual and global level, our lives are falling apart in every imaginable way.

And yet, G-d doesn't make mistakes. Hashem knows who we are and what we are capable of. He put us in this generation because he is absolutely confident in our ability to overcome this unprecedented darkness. The darkest period of the night is right before dawn. We stand at the cusp of the revelation of Hashem's full glory in this world, and kelipah is in it's death throes, putting up a valiant fight. But we are way stronger...

Chassidus explains that when Torah says that Moshe Rabbeinu was the most humble of men, it is specifically referring to his humility before the last generation of golus, who will face off the greatest challenges any generation has ever faced, and will overcome it with mesiras nefesh. We are small people, with inferior intellectual and emotional capacities in relation to those who came before us. And yet, we fight to the death. We fight our desires, our temptations, our inner darkness. We're not inspired, but we glorify Hashem in our thoughts, speech and actions. We might slip here and there, and sometimes even fall. But our commitment to Hashem is rock solid.

Yes, it's easy to get discouraged. But every morning that we wake up is an opportunity to solve the final pieces of this great cosmic puzzle, bringing about the realization of Hashem's vision for his creation:

ונגלה כבוד ה וראו כל בשר יחדיו כי פי ה דיבר

ודבר אחד מדברך אחור לא ישוב ריקם

Reb Shem, 
I see that we are diametrically opposed, so I will not try to change your mind. 
I am not blind BH and not Dumb.
I never said that you can continue masturbating and think Hashem is ok with it. 
Its just a matter of looking from a different perspective. When you learn what Golus and Geula mean and what Hashem plan was with this specific Golus was, you will understand. 

Chancy Out

chancy wrote on 31 Jul 2024 15:25:

Aderabah the difference is very, very small. I'm just focusing on recognizing what things look and feel like before recognizing what is happening behind the scenes.

(Unfortunately, it's impossible for us to know Hashem's plan before he reveals it. This might be a bigger point of contention than the realism debate.)

I'll end with this. Someone who makes a bracha of hatov v'hameitiv when something bad happens just made a bracha l'vatala. Ay, everything Hashem does is for the best? And won't we make a hatov v'hameitiv on bad news in the future? 
Yes, that's true. But it feels bad now. And to deny that is living a (holy, pure, spiritual) fantasy. So you are required to make a dayin ha'emes because it hurts and the Torah deals with reality as we experience it.

When it comes to Tisha b'av specifically (which is where this got started) we're dealing with the worst and most painful tragedy the world has every known. So someone who doesn't mourn because it hurts is demonstrating only that the tragedy is not real to them. If they mourn because of the "pain of the shechina in galus" that's beautiful, but unless they also mourn because it hurts than they are cut off from the tragedy (which in itself is a tragedy that one could and should mourn over).

Yes our generation is beautiful, inspirational, heroic, and has a special place in gan eden. But facts on the ground are that we are spiritual dwarves. And if not for the churban we could've been giants. And if that doesn't make you sad, then you don't understand what a giant you could've been.

Very insightful discussion, thank you!

Can you explain the last part about spiritual dwarves and giants?

BenHashemBH wrote on 31 Jul 2024 16:31:

Ran out of energy. See Rav Pincus's english book on Tisha B'av. Or call me later.

Oish! Ouch! Just saw this....that hurts!

I know of another idiot who did the same thing 16 days ago, but hey hook onto my monste' truck and we'll continue goin'

Nothing! No Nothing! Can stand in our way!

Keep trucking!
Keep plowing!
Keep cargo shipping!
Whatever it is, just don't get stuck in traffic or bridges.

Checking in.

What a week. Sunday was a disaster. Tried to salvage the rest of the day after the morning shipwreck and that was pretty successful. Tried to stay strong over the afterquakes, and Monday was pretty good but the doom and gloom set in late in the day and kept on going through Tuesday when I acted out again. Wednesday was better and today's been pretty good.

Trying to cut out GYE at work bc it's a gateway drug to further internet use and I just gotta learn to cope with work without turning to the internet for an escape. As you can tell from the timing of this post, that's an uphill fight. But I'm working on it.

Still feeling rocky. Work pressure. Urges. Life. But in a better place (at least right now).

Brother, I just read your last few posts. I can't find words, the truth you expose, kills.

Feeling for you! Praying for you! Pleading for you! The שוכני עפר will BeH be מליץ יושר. Having you in mind! 

Yiftach'l 

yiftach wrote on 01 Aug 2024 22:08:

Thank you. Couldn't have asked for a better shliach tzibur. 

Checking in.

Friday was rough. Had another long fall, and for various reasons, it was at a very bad time. Felt very low.

So Friday afternoon I was feeling pretty low and like I had to do something. Ended up doing something I had wanted to do for a very long time, but had always chickened out from. I emailed my Rav.
[I knew if I waited till after shabbos I'd chicken out again, so I sent it Friday - after mincha already started I frantically typed it out in my closet.]

Was very hard to do. Felt very relieved, but physically nauseous about it. I generally have been very bad about opening up about this and it took me a very long time to call anyone on GYE. This was the first non-gye person I opened up to, and I definitely couldn'tve done it without speaking to people here first.

He emailed me back and was very nice about it. (Really. Very nice. If anyone wants to borrow a Rav to come clean to they can borrow mine.) I thought I wouldn't be able to look him in the face after, but it was shockingly not embarrassing. I wonder why that is.

Concrete steps that came out: He set me up with someone in the shul who was in SA to schmooze, and encouraged me to install accountability software (such as webchaver) and is following up with me on both of those for accountability.

Other than that (or because of that) I've been clean since Friday. Still struggling with putting in work at work and not escaping to the internet (did you know Shari Redstone, the somewhat heir to the CBS Viacom fortune, is orthodox and was married to a Hasidic Rebbe? I didn't either till this morning.) Brought a mishnayos to work, but haven't opened it yet. Oh well.

Affectionately feeling

Shem

Your indefatigable drive moves me and is humbling. 

ראיתי בני עלייה …. 

chaimoigen wrote on 06 Aug 2024 20:50:

This is one of the problems of an anonymous forum I guess. Anyone who knows me knows that "indefatigable" and "drive" are not words that apply to me. I'm basically a slug with legs.

I actually have trouble understanding why I keep on getting back up after a fall. It's not so much my personality.

I think there's two reasons.
1) Staying the way I am is so painful that it's even able to motivate me (life has become unmanageable etc.)

2) I just really hate losing.

Shem
I admire your courage to open up to your Rav!
I am quite open with my Rav about many of the issues in my life (that is a lot) but with this, I have not yet getten there. I know that he will not judge me as he is one of the most caring, kind, and practical people on the planet.

However, I agree with ChaimOigen. I admire your כח to keep trying. You are an inspiration to us all. Each day is a new challenge and each day is a new triumph. Keep counting the triumphs and keep inspiring us all.