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For the bochrim by the bochrim
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TOPIC: For the bochrim by the bochrim 11950 Views

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 06 Jul 2022 13:02 #382929

  • dave m
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Mazol tov on hitting 90 days!  Your 90 day post is the type that should be published on the GYE home page

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 06 Jul 2022 14:51 #382941

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Face the challenge wrote on 06 Jul 2022 01:06:
Thanks to everyone for responding:-)

Random question for the oilam: I used to feel that I had a lot of kavanah during davening before I got on this journey but for the past three months my kavanah has been in the dumps. I still feel great overall because Im in a much better place in life than i used to be, but wondering if anyone else had a similar experience and if yes, how long did it take before your kavanah came back…
Thanks

Great question.
Not so much because of the question itself. But it shows that you are working on yourself in more ways than one. And something like this which does not bother many people is bothering you.

I personally have not experienced it, but my Rebbi warned me that often when people are worrying about working on this one thing, it distracts from focusing on other challenges. And his examples were that it becomes harder to focus on learning and on davening. So he was saying such a thing could be expected.
He told me not to focus on the details of the struggle, but rather on the push to get closer to Hashem. This was all the separate nisyonos are part of the same struggle and easier to deal with everything at the same time.

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 07 Jul 2022 01:43 #382991

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I personally have not experienced it, but my Rebbi warned me that often when people are worrying about working on this one thing, it distracts from focusing on other challenges. And his examples were that it becomes harder to focus on learning and on davening. So he was saying such a thing could be expected.
He told me not to focus on the details of the struggle, but rather on the push to get closer to Hashem. This was all the separate nisyonos are part of the same struggle and easier to deal with everything at the same time.

Well it gives me some comfort knowing that this can be expected… i just hope that ill be able to regain my kavana sooner rather than later. 

On a side note, today was a great day for me. Did very well in the streets when there were non-tzniyus women. I took off my glasses and focused on the ground. It’s getting easier and easier to do it and not to pay attention to every little thing that happens around me. In the book v’haer eineinu they suggest to practice not looking up at every thing you notice in your peripheral vision in situations besides for the street, to train yourself to get used to not looking up when you are in compromised situations. One suggestion that they have is that while you are in the beis medrash learning and you notice that someone walked in, you should try not to look and see who it is. If you have a set time during Seder (could even be for 10 min) to not look up, this will help you train yourself for the streets. I find this to be a very helpful tactic because even if you fail and do look up while in the beis medrash, you still don’t see anything bad. Lmk if this helps anyone.

Anyway on to day 94, hope to be reaching triple digits next week!
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 08 Jul 2022 04:04 #383073

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Just wanted to share my thoughts for any newcomer who sees this. I’ve noticed that there have been many many people who are constantly joining gye but I’ve never heard from them on the forum since they registered. All i can say to them is the following: it was really hard for me to open up on the forum for the first time. I wrote about three lines and didn’t really describe anything about myself. I remained a bystander on gye for more or less 40 days with the occasional short post here or there. While shopping around the site was good for me to gain more and more motivation to stop watching porn and to stop masturbating, what really did it for me was opening up on the forum without any restraint. There are so many people here who have been through all the pain that you are going through and they can truly help you. If i hadn’t opened up the way i did, i doubt that i would have made it this far. Im almost 100 days clean and that’s after 15 years. If i can do it, so can you! And if there are people here who got clean after 30 years then certainly you can. Don’t just join the site and then forget about us and revert back to your old habits. This is your chance to reach out to real people, to connect with real people who know exactly what it’s like. So please, please muster up the courage and join the forum. I promise we won’t bite. We just want to be there for you to hold your hand and help you along the way to freedom. It can only get better after getting support from the gye team. So make the decision and help us help you regain back your freedom and regain back your life.
-someone who cares
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 10 Jul 2022 02:23 #383112

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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Beautiful post, Face the challenge!
If you are wondering why you can't stop masturbating even though you're guarding your eyes, it's because you're fantasizing.

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 10 Jul 2022 21:22 #383147

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Wow brother u a real inspiration 

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 10 Jul 2022 22:00 #383150

  • grant400
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Just skimmed through this thread after having been away for a while. Amazing FTC! Please keep it up for all of us, and please keep posting!
Last Edit: 10 Jul 2022 22:01 by grant400.

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 11 Jul 2022 18:19 #383194

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Just wanted to share my thoughts from the last week or so… I’ve been looking into finding a new yeshiva and it’s been pretty stressful as i don’t have much time before the next zman starts. The way i would have processed this stress in the past would have been to hole myself up in my room and watch porn as an escape. And that probably would have gone on for a while and I probably would have not been able to make any good decisions. That’s not what happened though. What happened was that I started being able to think through things in a real way. I’ve been pondering this decision and really delving into what’s going to be the best for me. I’ve talked to a rebbi of mine for about two hours already discussing where the best place is going to be for me. (This rebbe doesn’t know my story, but he’s still very helpful in helping me make a decision…) I’m not running away from this stressful time, im learning how to think through it like a mature person. I don’t feel the need to run away and hide. This is one of the best feelings i have ever had in my life. I feel like im starting to be able to open up more to people and know how to process my emotions in a healthy way. So, whatever happens will happen and there may be stress along on the way, but im not afraid anymore… This is what real life is like. It’s not always going to be easy, but i don’t have to run back to porn just because it’s hard. There is always a healthy way to deal with everything.
I wish everyone continued hatzlacha in being able to get to this point where they won’t have to use porn as an escape and they will be able to start seeing this world in a whole different light!
-FTC
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 12 Jul 2022 18:48 #383249

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Tonight be’ezras hashem is going to be day 100 clean! Who thought i would ever be able to say that!?  It’s a great feeling!! I got another wedding coming up tomorrow night and  those of you who have been reading this thread know that i struggled with this at the last wedding that i went to. I hope and prey that i will have the strength to keep on being diligent in my shmiras einayim while im there. Ill be checking back in on Thursday hopefully with the good news that i made it through ok.
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 12 Jul 2022 19:10 #383251

  • lchaim tovim
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Face the challenge wrote on 12 Jul 2022 18:48:
Tonight be’ezras hashem is going to be day 100 clean! Who thought i would ever be able to say that!?  It’s a great feeling!! I got another wedding coming up tomorrow night and  those of you who have been reading this thread know that i struggled with this at the last wedding that i went to. I hope and prey that i will have the strength to keep on being diligent in my shmiras einayim while im there. Ill be checking back in on Thursday hopefully with the good news that i made it through ok.

Wow! You made it to 100 with the stress you've been going through...Your gonna rock that wedding...

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 12 Jul 2022 22:03 #383263

  • lodaas
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amazing thread!!! 
just read through and can relate so much! thank you so much, you are a major inspiration!!
about your question when concentrating, I think when you are in despair it is much easier to feel you need hashem, but when you are in control you feel you can do it yourself and you dont really need him. That is what they say that the nisayon of a rich man is much bigger than the poor mans nisayon. He has all the money what can happen already. 

(When you reach new heights in yiddishkeit you should always thrive to improve more and not just safeguard what you got. You can use a rich man as mashal again he might be a billionaire but he still wants to beat elon musk. Everyone is born with the same drive as the rich man  we just use it to advance in yiddishkeit and become closer to hashem)

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 17 Jul 2022 04:40 #383447

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Just an update for the oilam. The wedding was overall pretty good. There was definitely some siyata dishmaya going on there. One of my friends had asked me to video the singer at the chuppah, which then made me focus on that the whole time instead of staring at the kallah and the girls side. So that went pretty smoothly. and then overall it was pretty good. Im not going to say that I didn’t take a second glance at all, but i did feel accomplished after the fact.

I’ve been at home for a few days by myself and there are many unfiltered devices in my house… no matter how strong the taiva was, this time i was able to hold myself back from even going on to those devices because i didn’t want to lose my streak and have to admit to anyone that I fell(-: So, my 100+ days continues unscathed and tomorrow I will be out of the house anyway. Be’Ezrat hashem i will continue to have the strength to keep fighting day after day and stay clean.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support.
-ftc
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 17 Jul 2022 15:44 #383460

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Happy to hear that it's going well. What you wrote helps a lot. Instead of focusing on what we shouldn't be doing which causes a lot of white knuckling, stress and obsessing. We have to turn our focus elsewhere...

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 28 Jul 2022 04:58 #384046

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I never thought i would experience what it felt like to fall after 110 days clean…I somehow made the mental block on all the progress that i had made and went online to search for porn. I went and searched for my ‘favorite’ shiksas that i used to go searching for. I knew in the back of my mind that i should care. Why would i willingly give up all the effort that i made over the past few months. But it didn’t matter. I just didn’t care. I felt so guilty. It was heart-wrenching. I finally masturbated and felt that horribly guilty feeling that we all do when we reach that moment of clarity…and then i woke up. I woke up and realized that it was all a dream. A dream of someone who i used to be but is no longer. I do care about not going back to porn. I do care about masturbating. I will continue to care and be ready to face whatever challenges hashem has in store for me. This dream that i had was a pure gift to me!! I feel that i was starting to get to comfortable with where I was holding and i wasn’t maintaining the standard of shmira that i should have been. I wasn’t doing bad, but i knew that there were things I could be doing better. This dream was a wake-up call from hashem for me to boost myself back up. I got to have the guilty feeling of falling and realizing how horrible it was, but i didn’t actually fall. I will be’ezras hashem fix up those areas that i wasn’t being extra careful with and keep persevering through this challenge. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I never ever want to go back to my old life!! I must remind myself that because i need to remain on top of my game in the little struggles of life so that they don’t snowball into something bigger. That’s what we all need to do. The desire to act out almost never starts out with an immediate need to seek out porn. There are always many triggers that get you to that mindset. We must work on eliminating those triggers and fighting the battle while it’s still easy. Just remember, it’s far easier to resist the temptation of looking at a slightly immodestly dressed girl on the street then tearing your eyes away from looking at porn. Fight the battle while it’s small and you will be sure to see success!!

On a different note, bein hazmanim is here and I’m getting ready for it. I got to have my plan of action ready. It’s the summer which means that there will be a nisayon basically everywhere. That is coupled with the fact that I will be home in a house full of unfiltered devices. Im working on my game plan now before i go home so that im well equipped to deal with this. Im not going to wait until I’m home to figure it out because that has never worked in the past! It’s a trick of the yetzer hara to get me not to think about it until i go home. I will make concrete plans. I will make a schedule to keep myself busy. And ill be in touch with you guys to share my continued successes with the help of the one and only
-ftc
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: For the bochrim by the bochrim 28 Jul 2022 13:44 #384051

  • dave m
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Face the challenge wrote on 28 Jul 2022 04:58:
I never thought i would experience what it felt like to fall after 110 days clean…I somehow made the mental block on all the progress that i had made and went online to search for porn. I went and searched for my ‘favorite’ shiksas that i used to go searching for. I knew in the back of my mind that i should care. Why would i willingly give up all the effort that i made over the past few months. But it didn’t matter. I just didn’t care. I felt so guilty. It was heart-wrenching. I finally masturbated and felt that horribly guilty feeling that we all do when we reach that moment of clarity…and then i woke up. I woke up and realized that it was all a dream. A dream of someone who i used to be but is no longer. I do care about not going back to porn. I do care about masturbating. I will continue to care and be ready to face whatever challenges hashem has in store for me. This dream that i had was a pure gift to me!! I feel that i was starting to get to comfortable with where I was holding and i wasn’t maintaining the standard of shmira that i should have been. I wasn’t doing bad, but i knew that there were things I could be doing better. This dream was a wake-up call from hashem for me to boost myself back up. I got to have the guilty feeling of falling and realizing how horrible it was, but i didn’t actually fall. I will be’ezras hashem fix up those areas that i wasn’t being extra careful with and keep persevering through this challenge. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I never ever want to go back to my old life!! I must remind myself that because i need to remain on top of my game in the little struggles of life so that they don’t snowball into something bigger. That’s what we all need to do. The desire to act out almost never starts out with an immediate need to seek out porn. There are always many triggers that get you to that mindset. We must work on eliminating those triggers and fighting the battle while it’s still easy. Just remember, it’s far easier to resist the temptation of looking at a slightly immodestly dressed girl on the street then tearing your eyes away from looking at porn. Fight the battle while it’s small and you will be sure to see success!!

On a different note, bein hazmanim is here and I’m getting ready for it. I got to have my plan of action ready. It’s the summer which means that there will be a nisayon basically everywhere. That is coupled with the fact that I will be home in a house full of unfiltered devices. Im working on my game plan now before i go home so that im well equipped to deal with this. Im not going to wait until I’m home to figure it out because that has never worked in the past! It’s a trick of the yetzer hara to get me not to think about it until i go home. I will make concrete plans. I will make a schedule to keep myself busy. And ill be in touch with you guys to share my continued successes with the help of the one and only
-ftc

What a great post.  I dont post as often as I used to but I am following your thread and gaining much chizuk.  Keep it up! 
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