Sorry to hear about your feelings of being stuck in the cycle. I can definitely relate.
I’m curious about why you feel alone in this struggle although you speak to people. Do you have any idea why that is?

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Mar 2021 02:23:

I'm not sure. I was gonna write something but it wasn't making sense, I think it's just that I'm not putting much effort into the conversations perhaps

Fell again today. I think I'm gonna call gye tomorrow. 
I'm not holding in a good place at the moment

Looking_to_improve wrote on 30 Mar 2021 07:06:

I think I can relate to this. I recently switched therapists and realized that although I was speaking with my previous one for several years I never really fully opened up to him, and therefore I never really gained as much from therapy.
It may pay to examine yourself and see what is wrong with how you speak to your accountability partners from GYE. A small Change may yield much greater results 

Similar story here! I went back to the same therapist 4.5 years later and I am actually honest with him! It is making a world of difference!

Day 1
BH I'm clean today

In a bad mood now.
Shlept a long way and back for basically nothing. (Except for mincha and it wasn't a good mincha at that)
Going for a run now
Feeling pretty alone today

Day 2
BH today I'm clean, good for a run, and speaking to my Mum helped get my mood back to normal
Started speaking to someone else through gye, looking forward to where it may lead

Nothing like Mum.

Mine has been gone for many years now.
But I still speak to her all the time.

Keep on making Mum (and HKBH!) proud.

IMG

Day 6
BH I'm still clean, today was a busy day so didn't have any issues.
Last night of Yom Tov was pretty tough. I had some fantasies in my head and was thinking of other negative things, and I was struggling to sleep. Even when I started thinking of something else, I would end up going back to the same back thoughts. I didn't masturbate bH, but was aroused for a bit.

Day 7 
1 week
similar day to yesterday

Keep it up!

HaShem wouldn't give you a test He didn't know you could pass!

Day 8
BH clean today
Its looking like I'll be changing to gentech soon. I just wanted to check before I do, if there are any other good filter options for Android. (The tag I messaged said they do netspark and gentech, I'm just want to see if there are other good options)

Changed over filters to gentech today. BH didn't do anything while switching over. 
Feeling a taaiva now to masturbate. Still don't know how this filter works exactly, so still a bit nervous that I need to have it set up correctly
I need to take this opportunity of a new filter to not search for loopholes

Looking_to_improve wrote on 08 Apr 2021 17:18:

Good job!
I remember a couple of times that I had to ask my filter company to unlock the filter for 'only' ten minutes because I needed to do something for real...but during those ten minutes, 7 of them were used for watching porn...
Now BH I got smarter and my wife has the code so I can't ask them to open it at all...