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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Square one 4186 Views

Re: Square one 30 Mar 2021 02:23 #366138

  • OivedElokim
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Sorry to hear about your feelings of being stuck in the cycle. I can definitely relate.
I’m curious about why you feel alone in this struggle although you speak to people. Do you have any idea why that is?
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Last Edit: 30 Mar 2021 02:26 by OivedElokim.

Re: Square one 30 Mar 2021 07:06 #366157

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OivedElokim wrote on 30 Mar 2021 02:23:
Sorry to hear about your feelings of being stuck in the cycle. I can definitely relate.
I’m curious about why you feel alone in this struggle although you speak to people. Do you have any idea why that is?

I'm not sure. I was gonna write something but it wasn't making sense, I think it's just that I'm not putting much effort into the conversations perhaps

Re: Square one 30 Mar 2021 21:53 #366188

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Fell again today. I think I'm gonna call gye tomorrow. 
I'm not holding in a good place at the moment

Re: Square one 30 Mar 2021 23:40 #366197

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Looking_to_improve wrote on 30 Mar 2021 07:06:

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Mar 2021 02:23:
Sorry to hear about your feelings of being stuck in the cycle. I can definitely relate.
I’m curious about why you feel alone in this struggle although you speak to people. Do you have any idea why that is?

I'm not sure. I was gonna write something but it wasn't making sense, I think it's just that I'm not putting much effort into the conversations perhaps

I think I can relate to this. I recently switched therapists and realized that although I was speaking with my previous one for several years I never really fully opened up to him, and therefore I never really gained as much from therapy.
It may pay to examine yourself and see what is wrong with how you speak to your accountability partners from GYE. A small Change may yield much greater results 
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Square one 31 Mar 2021 00:09 #366203

  • Striving Avreich
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Similar story here! I went back to the same therapist 4.5 years later and I am actually honest with him! It is making a world of difference!

Re: Square one 31 Mar 2021 22:13 #366223

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Day 1
BH I'm clean today

Re: Square one 01 Apr 2021 13:14 #366243

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In a bad mood now.
Shlept a long way and back for basically nothing. (Except for mincha and it wasn't a good mincha at that)
Going for a run now
Feeling pretty alone today
Last Edit: 01 Apr 2021 21:20 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Square one 01 Apr 2021 21:19 #366258

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Day 2
BH today I'm clean, good for a run, and speaking to my Mum helped get my mood back to normal
Started speaking to someone else through gye, looking forward to where it may lead
Last Edit: 01 Apr 2021 21:21 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Square one 01 Apr 2021 21:39 #366261

  • Ish MiGrodno
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Nothing like Mum.

Mine has been gone for many years now.
But I still speak to her all the time.

Keep on making Mum (and HKBH!) proud.

IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Square one 05 Apr 2021 20:06 #366377

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Day 6
BH I'm still clean, today was a busy day so didn't have any issues.
Last night of Yom Tov was pretty tough. I had some fantasies in my head and was thinking of other negative things, and I was struggling to sleep. Even when I started thinking of something else, I would end up going back to the same back thoughts. I didn't masturbate bH, but was aroused for a bit.

Re: Square one 06 Apr 2021 19:39 #366429

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Day 7 
1 week
similar day to yesterday

Re: Square one 06 Apr 2021 20:16 #366432

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Keep it up!

HaShem wouldn't give you a test He didn't know you could pass!

Re: Square one 07 Apr 2021 20:07 #366482

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Day 8
BH clean today
Its looking like I'll be changing to gentech soon. I just wanted to check before I do, if there are any other good filter options for Android. (The tag I messaged said they do netspark and gentech, I'm just want to see if there are other good options)

Re: Square one 08 Apr 2021 17:18 #366549

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Changed over filters to gentech today. BH didn't do anything while switching over. 
Feeling a taaiva now to masturbate. Still don't know how this filter works exactly, so still a bit nervous that I need to have it set up correctly
I need to take this opportunity of a new filter to not search for loopholes

Re: Square one 08 Apr 2021 18:04 #366550

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Looking_to_improve wrote on 08 Apr 2021 17:18:
Changed over filters to gentech today. BH didn't do anything while switching over. 

Good job!
I remember a couple of times that I had to ask my filter company to unlock the filter for 'only' ten minutes because I needed to do something for real...but during those ten minutes, 7 of them were used for watching porn...
Now BH I got smarter and my wife has the code so I can't ask them to open it at all...
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
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