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OivedElokim-I’ll never give up
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 2546 Views

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Apr 2021 00:06 #366690

  • OivedElokim
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I’m so unhappy.
Not enjoying davening or learning.
Not really related to my kedusha issues, just venting here. I’m hoping that a few more sessions of therapy will help me out. If not I’m done as far as having a handle on life...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Apr 2021 04:01 #366700

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OivedElokim wrote on 12 Apr 2021 00:06:
I’m so unhappy.
Not enjoying davening or learning.
Not really related to my kedusha issues, just venting here. I’m hoping that a few more sessions of therapy will help me out. If not I’m done as far as having a handle on life...

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I've also suffered from severe chronic depression and it does really suck. Sorry I only have a few generic chizukim regarding this but they did help me so I pray that they work for you as well.
  1. Basically we know learning Torah is supposed to be the most enjoyable, funnest thing in life. Hashem says so Himself. Funner than playing sports, watching TV, or even having sex. So then why is it that it can seem so miserable at times to some people? It's because the mindset is wrong. If your mindset is to gain an emesdik connection w Hashem, then learning is a grand slam. But if your mindset is just going after worldly desires and instant gratification, learning will seem miserable because it will inhibit you from doing those things. So how can you change the mindset? You've prob heard these eitzos before but just to reiterate, try learning something at first that you're passionate about (e.g. I'm passionate ab dogs so I learn the halachos of pets). Maybe to get you in the mood of learning, do some light reading from an interesting english sefer like Headlines or listen/watch Torah podcasts/vids. There was a rlly funny daf yomi vid account on Insta but i forget the name (sry i blocked IG, i cant find it for you).
  2. Why would you give up on trying to get a handle on life? Obviously Hashem knows whatever lemons He is throwing at you, you will be able to turn into lemonade. So then do you not trust Hashem that He knows what He is doing?

B'emes praying for you over here. Hatzlocha!
My thread: Let's get this party started

Who the heck is Benoni?


Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. -Gerald Vaughan
Last Edit: 12 Apr 2021 05:09 by בינוני.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Apr 2021 05:12 #366702

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Regarding davening, i posted this on my thread the other day and maybe it'll help you

Rabbosai, you wanna have true kavana every time you daven from now on? So think that every single tefilah you say could be your last. And don't just have it in the back of your mind- have in mind that you could literally get into a car crash c"v and be in shomayim in half an hour, or you could have a heart attack c"v, or if you live in NY with Cuomo (aka the malach hamavis) you're probably already dead... you get the picture. Think when you go into shacharis, "What if this is the last shemoneh esrei I ever say in this world? If I am niftar today, do I wanna greet G-d in shomayim and regret I didnt daven to Him b'kavana this morning?" Just something I've been trying out and thought I could share this nice mussar with the chevra here. Lmk if anyone tries it out and how it works for you pls.

My thread: Let's get this party started

Who the heck is Benoni?


Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. -Gerald Vaughan

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Apr 2021 15:27 #366718

  • DavidT
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OivedElokim wrote on 12 Apr 2021 00:06:
I’m so unhappy.
Not enjoying davening or learning.
Not really related to my kedusha issues, just venting here. I’m hoping that a few more sessions of therapy will help me out. If not I’m done as far as having a handle on life...

Rabbi Avigdor Miller Z"L said that whatever is good for your health you should use and enjoy in this world. If you like to eat bread and butter and it’s also good for you, or if you like to eat chicken and it's good for you, why not?! Eat! But eat it b'simcha. Don't say “I don't like to eat.” No, don’t say that. You have to have appetite; eat with appetite and the saliva will flow – it helps you to digest. The stomach juices flow and it helps you digest the food properly. Appetite helps you digest. Enjoy the food and at the same time ואכלת ושבעת וברכת את השם אלוקיך – thank Him. Any enjoyment you get from food or anything else in this world, thank Hashem, thank Hashem, thank Hashem! That’s the purpose of all enjoyment in this world.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Apr 2021 20:35 #366731

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Day twenty two 

The depression stubbornly persists, although the intensity has lowered due to the fact that I woke up earlier and made it to minyan for the first time in awhile. Success breeds success. 

Spoke to my psychiatrist today. He recently upped my dosage of antidepressants, and he told me it’ll take a few weeks for it to kick in. Waiting for that to happen. Also looking forward to meeting my new therapist again this Thursday. Hope I can hang in there till then...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 15 Apr 2021 17:25 #366891

  • OivedElokim
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Fell twice last night.
Not feeling a lot of guilt, but I took the necessary steps to avoid further falls. Maybe that’s the right way to do it...
More on that later.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 15 Apr 2021 18:50 #366894

  • Shower640am
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Last night was good. Today is day number 3. Will get through it, be"h.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 15 Apr 2021 19:02 #366895

  • HappyYid
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Shower640am wrote on 15 Apr 2021 18:50:
Last night was good. Today is day number 3. Will get through it, be"h.

Good to hear!!
I think you posted this on the wrong thread by mistake...
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Apr 2021 04:24 #366918

  • OivedElokim
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After a period of about 24 hours of repeated falls I put my foot down and renewed  my knas contract till after Lag Baomer. I need to be mindful of the fact that it seems as though my yetzer hara is afraid of the knas and therefore gets me to procrastinate about renewing it, creating “gaps” such as these with “no consequences “ to acting out. Gotta be more vigilant next time.
Also I have to get myself to a place where I decide that I don’t want it any more. Otherwise I’ll feel deprived of it.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Apr 2021 23:00 #366959

  • OivedElokim
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Day 0
I hit 24 hours tonight.
Feeling more optimistic about life generally.
​Spoke to my therapist about reasons to feel hopeful about my life and its possibilities.

Need to take some time to think about why i want to kick this "habit".  I've made a pro/con list before, but i think i should make another one to reinforce myself and my commitment to staying clean. I'll probably post it here after Shabbos.

"Remember that failure is an event , not a person"

Wishing you all a good and joyous Shabbos.

OivedElokim
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Apr 2021 01:32 #366975

  • OivedElokim
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Fell today.
Not motivated to stop...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Apr 2021 01:53 #366976

  • thetimeisnow!
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You got this man, think about life without this! It is worth it!

What has helped motivate you in the past?

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Apr 2021 02:09 #366980

  • EvedHashem1836
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OivedElokim wrote on 18 Apr 2021 01:32:
Fell today.
Not motivated to stop...

You can do it! People who had it worse than you have done it - it's possible. Maybe speak to someone over the phone or on private message just to get yourself motivated. Something I personally like to think about sometimes is אם אין עכשיו אימתי (if not now, when?) which is soooo relevant regarding these issues. If we don't work now and push ourselves to really overcome these struggles and push through then we never will. And we will be old men with our lives behind us and we will look back and wonder how our lives broke apart first by having issues with our wives and our children then everything falling apart and always having this "secret" that plagued us and our conscience and that made us depressed and upset that we kept giving in to it. We will wonder why the heck why why why did we not stop earlier before we shot ourselves in the foot and ruined our lives?

So in other words you fell. It sucks. We've all been there. It feels terrible and disgusting. You fall multiple times (the "what the heck syndrome"). It sucks. But you just gotta get back on the horse and go again. Keep going and PUSH THROUGH AND WIN!

We're all rooting for you!
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Apr 2021 03:28 #366985

  • Hakolhevel
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OivedElokim wrote on 18 Apr 2021 01:32:
Fell today.
Not motivated to stop...

If you don't stop, will your life be manageable?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Apr 2021 20:39 #367029

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Not in the long run.
Just feeling like my life is unmanageable regardless...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

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