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Keeping Accountability
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TOPIC: Keeping Accountability 7171 Views

Re: Keeping Accountability 03 Mar 2021 19:08 #364649

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Now this is the kind of news I like to hear. Forget CNN and NYT, Im just gonna come to GYE for my news from now on!

MAZETOV!
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Who the heck is Benoni?

Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. -Gerald Vaughan

Re: Keeping Accountability 04 Mar 2021 01:07 #364667

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Was very busy today...BH clean 
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Re: Keeping Accountability 08 Mar 2021 03:37 #364947

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Great day! Clean
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Re: Keeping Accountability 10 Mar 2021 01:26 #365145

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Bh all is good here... 
​The past 2 days I woke up with a very strong taiva... didn't give in!
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Re: Keeping Accountability 11 Mar 2021 02:21 #365215

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Clean! bh.
Question:
Why is it that many mornings I wake up with an erection (excuse my bluntness)? And like at the same time I have a huge urge to 'letting it stay that way'... I actually don't think I ever had a wet dream, but this happens many times. I don't usually go to sleep fantasizing.
Any suggestions? If there's no real answer as to why it happens and there's nothing really to do about it, any eitzos how to keep myself from touching?

Thanks!
HappyYid
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Re: Keeping Accountability 11 Mar 2021 02:27 #365216

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It is normal. It has nothing t no do with fantasizing etc.

Re: Keeping Accountability 11 Mar 2021 02:37 #365218

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Hi good question! 

Why is it that many mornings I wake up with an erection (excuse my bluntness)?


I know the scientific reason for this, but if there's a Torah explanation which there probably is, I'm not too sure. If you want the scientific explanation, it might be better that we pm unless the beis din here allows it on public forum. 



And like at the same time I have a huge urge to 'letting it stay that way'


You mean once you're aroused in the morning you wanna stay aroused; or do you mean you wanna wake up everyday aroused?



Any suggestions? If there's no real answer as to why it happens and there's nothing really to do about it, any eitzos how to keep myself from touching?


I can't speak for anyone else but practically speaking, it helps to not sleep undressed if I'm trying to avoid arousal. Also, sometimes, going to the bathroom right after I wake up will take care of the problem, but if not, I will distract myself with something like davening, working out, perusing GYE, etc. 

Hope this helps! 
Benoni


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Who the heck is Benoni?

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Re: Keeping Accountability 11 Mar 2021 03:46 #365222

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Benoni wrote on 11 Mar 2021 02:37:

You mean once you're aroused in the morning you wanna stay aroused; or do you mean you wanna wake up everyday aroused?


No just once aroused... I don't want to wake up like that every morning!
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Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 02:04 #365453

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I have really big urges these days... still hanging in there.
43 days clean BH!
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Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 03:19 #365462

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Ok guys, I have to admit that I just broke a geder.
I watched porn for a minute (too long) on my wifes work tablet. I didn't ms and that's my bigger goal but I feel very vulnerable now that I did that.
I have Techloq on my laptop which is very good, and iPhone restrictions for my phone which is also very good. But my wifes work tablet is fully open, its not ours so cant just put on a filter, besides my wife needs it to be open somewhat to do things she needs for work. I never used it bec after all its not mine, but I gave some heteirim...I used my wifi... they probably don't mind and whatever. And now that I used it once its going to be very hard to not give into the urges. 
What should I do? My wife needs it at night to finish up work and she really doesn't want a filter. Although she is usually around and I cant use it, but when there's a will there's a way and I could find times to.
I think I just need something that blocks porn and I could put it on myself because that obviously my wife doesnt need and she wont even realize, which would be best bec although she knows about my ms struggle we never spoke about porn to each other and I cant see it helping my marriage if she knows that I've watched that stuff 

Thank you
HappyYid
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Last Edit: 16 Mar 2021 03:25 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 03:46 #365464

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Without getting into hashkafa and halacha etc isn't it scary to use your wife's tablet for that? Aren't you afraid you may not cover your tracks well that one time and you will be caught? This is obviously not the real solution to the problem,but perhaps that can serve as a deterrent until you figure out an eitza..

Hatzlocha!

Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 10:33 #365475

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Can you put a password on the tablet that only your wife knows?

Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 12:25 #365478

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This might come as a surprise for some people, but contrary to popular belief, it is impossible to be fully filtered in this generation. If it's not your wife's tablet, it might be your next model car, or microwave for that matter.

We got to do what we can do, but on the other hand we cannot rely on filters to save us.

Here are some tips to help you in addition to the excellent advice offered already.
  1. Don't be Moreh Heter. Consider using her work device as gezeilah.
  2. Assume the possibility that being that it is a work device, it can be monitored. (Note for employers, MDM's are very cheap nowadays and you can even get free options. Really worthwhile for a company to use them to manage their devices.)
  3. Setup filtering at the ISP level like JNet, or at least on the Router. Basic simple option would be to use Cleanbrowsing Family Filter and have someone else lock the router settings to prevent changes.

Hatzlacha Rabba
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Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 13:01 #365482

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Lou wrote on 16 Mar 2021 03:46:
Without getting into hashkafa and halacha etc isn't it scary to use your wife's tablet for that? Aren't you afraid you may not cover your tracks well that one time and you will be caught? This is obviously not the real solution to the problem,but perhaps that can serve as a deterrent until you figure out an eitza..

Hatzlocha!

You're right I should be scared. But really I'm not because I used secret mode on a different  browser wife uses...and she is really not tech savvy and very easy to cover my tracks. But maybe I should convince myself that she actually might see...
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Re: Keeping Accountability 16 Mar 2021 13:05 #365483

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Striving Avreich wrote on 16 Mar 2021 10:33:
Can you put a password on the tablet that only your wife knows?

Thanks for the idea.
I just need to figure out how to ask her to make a password...I can't just say 'I might watch porn please block it' lol
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