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The struggles of a human
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: The struggles of a human 2351 Views

Re: The struggles of a human 02 Dec 2020 15:47 #358099

  • Grant400
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Oh! Where is the AM. Where has he gone?
I can be reached at: Grant.400@yahoo.com

Re: The struggles of a human 02 Dec 2020 18:23 #358123

  • ColinColin
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Tactic - take things day by day and hour by hour, even minute by minute.

When you get the urge, use mindfulness. 
It is an urge...so let it pass...let it float away like a cloud in the wind.

What is great it that you can recognise when you have the urge...so you know that it can be recognised and responded to....by not acting on it.

Do an activity - reading, walking, exercise, study etc.

Re: The struggles of a human 02 Dec 2020 21:35 #358138

Grant400 wrote on 02 Dec 2020 15:47:
Oh! Where is the AM. Where has he gone?


Baruch Hashem, since Shabbos, I'm still clean.
I felt I needed a bit of a break from posting about myself. 
As much toeles as there was, I felt that part of it was more about the post and about my ego than about the struggle for kedusha.
So for now I'm taking a bit of a break from my thread.
Last Edit: 02 Dec 2020 21:36 by anonymousmillenial.

Re: The struggles of a human 04 Dec 2020 13:30 #358206

Wishing everyone a great and clean Shabbos!!!

AM
Last Edit: 04 Dec 2020 13:33 by anonymousmillenial.

Re: The struggles of a human 07 Dec 2020 21:43 #358369

Hey guys

Baruch Hashem I'm on day 10 of my current streak. 
One thing I noticed is that even after a fall, if we keep on fighting it gets easier to stand back up. The fight in this streak, Baruch Hashem (kenayne hora), took up less power than the first one. That is not to say that there are no hard days. But overall I'm more used to not giving in than I was before. I hope it stays this way.

Re: The struggles of a human 15 Dec 2020 15:15 #358766

  • YeshivaGuy
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Nu? @AM ur keepin us hangin
How u been buddy??
Last Edit: 15 Dec 2020 15:15 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: The struggles of a human 20 Dec 2020 11:15 #359150

Hey guys

I know I haven’t been active for quiet some time. The reason was I needed a bit of space. Being on the forum I felt that I wasn’t being in touch with myself completely as I was filtering my experience through my social filter, not having time to process things on a deeper, personal level. So I needed to unplug a bit.

So how have I been doing? I reached out and got tremendous chizuk (thanks to HHM). For two weeks straight I was clean and I almost didn’t’ touch any movie, which for me is a great achievement.

But, this past week has been a disaster. I acted out almost every night. It’s a horrible feeling. The disgusting feeling of giving in and the feeling that I don’t have control over my taivos.

I can handle the day. But once nighttime hits and I’m in bed I feel lost. Some nights I can work through the feelings. But some nights, no matter my resolve, I end up failing. Take for example last night. I told myself that I won’t give in and really meant it. I went to sleep at 11 45. At 2 30 I was still up and the feelings weren’t getting any better. I ended up falling. Again.

I also have to date this week. I am scared that my failed attempts will affect my dating negatively.  On two fronts. Firstly I am scared that I won’t be able to see the girl as a person, but rather as an object. Second, I feel that my self-image will be affected. I will feel like I am selling her damaged goods (a.k.a. imposter syndrome).

I kind of feel a bit helpless. I am not sure how to handle all of this. It has never been so bad before. Day after day after day. One fall and then another and then another. Where has all the hard work gone? All the fighting of the previous weeks. A bit discouraging.

The only thing I can do is learn from my successes and failures. My success peak happened during my time posting on the forum. Which is why I think that I need to start posting again.

Either way, if anyone has any suggestions, it would be most welcome.

Re: The struggles of a human 20 Dec 2020 17:55 #359196

  • YeshivaGuy
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anonymousmillenial wrote on 20 Dec 2020 11:15:

Hey guys

I know I haven’t been active for quiet some time. The reason was I needed a bit of space. Being on the forum I felt that I wasn’t being in touch with myself completely as I was filtering my experience through my social filter, not having time to process things on a deeper, personal level. So I needed to unplug a bit.

So how have I been doing? I reached out and got tremendous chizuk (thanks to HHM). For two weeks straight I was clean and I almost didn’t’ touch any movie, which for me is a great achievement.

But, this past week has been a disaster. I acted out almost every night. It’s a horrible feeling. The disgusting feeling of giving in and the feeling that I don’t have control over my taivos.

I can handle the day. But once nighttime hits and I’m in bed I feel lost. Some nights I can work through the feelings. But some nights, no matter my resolve, I end up failing. Take for example last night. I told myself that I won’t give in and really meant it. I went to sleep at 11 45. At 2 30 I was still up and the feelings weren’t getting any better. I ended up falling. Again.

I also have to date this week. I am scared that my failed attempts will affect my dating negatively.  On two fronts. Firstly I am scared that I won’t be able to see the girl as a person, but rather as an object. Second, I feel that my self-image will be affected. I will feel like I am selling her damaged goods (a.k.a. imposter syndrome).

I kind of feel a bit helpless. I am not sure how to handle all of this. It has never been so bad before. Day after day after day. One fall and then another and then another. Where has all the hard work gone? All the fighting of the previous weeks. A bit discouraging.

The only thing I can do is learn from my successes and failures. My success peak happened during my time posting on the forum. Which is why I think that I need to start posting again.

Either way, if anyone has any suggestions, it would be most welcome.


I can’t imagine the situation you are in.
I can only say something which I myself, though I know it, struggle to internalize.

Your thread is called “the struggles of a Human.”
Why? 
So, whether or not this was your kavana, allow me to offer pshat, if I may.

A human, an אדם is defined by the constant struggle which takes place within.
Ups and downs are what makes us- us.
Does it mean You (whatever ur name is) are bad? Tarnished? Evil? Hopeless?
No.
It means that You are Human.

So when you go on that date, you go not as an imposter. Rather you go as a Human Being.
Something to think about...

Hatzlocha!

Re: The struggles of a human 20 Dec 2020 18:14 #359199

  • Zedj
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Hi A.M

I have to admit that I'm trying to stay away from this sort of situation.

A beautiful point @yeshivaguy made:
So when you go on that date, you go not as an imposter. Rather you go as a Human Being.
Something to think about...

It's a tough, it must be really stressful.
You should really seek out some outside help on how to go about dates and if/when you tell her about your current situation..maybe try to call @HHM see what he suggests.

Maybe it's time to cut off access to movies/tv shows? Whether it's apps or on a computer?
Movies is a big trigger for me( not every movie but for the most part, most movies are not clean)
What about other devices you have access to?
Are they filtered or at least have accountability on it?

Re: The struggles of a human 20 Dec 2020 18:20 #359200

  • Zedj
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Also your hard work you put into be clean was not for nothing.
You saw that you CAN hold back.
From the way you are writing, it seems you are under alot of stress.. completely understandable.
Keep strong!
Last Edit: 23 Dec 2020 23:11 by Zedj.

Re: The struggles of a human 21 Dec 2020 05:29 #359248

  • Hashem Help Me
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Anonymousmillenial, welcome back. What worked for me in the beginning was being in daily (and sometimes two or three times daily with the tzaddik who saved me - one_day_at_a_time. It is important to have a real connection with successful guys who can validate your challenges and help you navigate out of this swamp. There ae many wonderful fellows here that you can choose from. But even on a good day, check in for a vort of chizuk etc. May Hashem hold your hand - Ha'ba l'taher, mesa'ayin oso.

P.S. To all my dear friends. Thank you for your thank you's and special mentions. However i think the forums are more beneficial when names are left off. There should never be a focus or agenda of naming heroes. Of course you can forward chevra to me or to anyone else, but do that via PM or email, not in the public eye.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: The struggles of a human 23 Dec 2020 21:35 #359522

3 days clean. currently on day 4

Finally picking up a bit more steam. 

Feeling a bit on edge though. Probably withdrawal.

Re: The struggles of a human 23 Dec 2020 21:49 #359525

  • lodaas
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anonymousmillenial wrote on 20 Dec 2020 11:15:

Hey guys

I know I haven’t been active for quiet some time. The reason was I needed a bit of space. Being on the forum I felt that I wasn’t being in touch with myself completely as I was filtering my experience through my social filter, not having time to process things on a deeper, personal level. So I needed to unplug a bit.

So how have I been doing? I reached out and got tremendous chizuk (thanks to HHM). For two weeks straight I was clean and I almost didn’t’ touch any movie, which for me is a great achievement.

But, this past week has been a disaster. I acted out almost every night. It’s a horrible feeling. The disgusting feeling of giving in and the feeling that I don’t have control over my taivos.

I can handle the day. But once nighttime hits and I’m in bed I feel lost. Some nights I can work through the feelings. But some nights, no matter my resolve, I end up failing. Take for example last night. I told myself that I won’t give in and really meant it. I went to sleep at 11 45. At 2 30 I was still up and the feelings weren’t getting any better. I ended up falling. Again.

I also have to date this week. I am scared that my failed attempts will affect my dating negatively.  On two fronts. Firstly I am scared that I won’t be able to see the girl as a person, but rather as an object. Second, I feel that my self-image will be affected. I will feel like I am selling her damaged goods (a.k.a. imposter syndrome).

I kind of feel a bit helpless. I am not sure how to handle all of this. It has never been so bad before. Day after day after day. One fall and then another and then another. Where has all the hard work gone? All the fighting of the previous weeks. A bit discouraging.

The only thing I can do is learn from my successes and failures. My success peak happened during my time posting on the forum. Which is why I think that I need to start posting again.

Either way, if anyone has any suggestions, it would be most welcome.


wow 1145 until 0230 thats a very very long time to hold out. "Kol hagodol mechaveiroh yitzro gadol heymenu" he chose you bc you are on the right path. Dont consider it a failure look at it more of an hurdle! 

Re: The struggles of a human 24 Dec 2020 17:24 #359645

On the way to 5 days. 
Hope tonight will go well.

Re: The struggles of a human 24 Dec 2020 17:46 #359647

  • Zedj
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You got this!
Keep it up!
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