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Restarting the journey, after a plateau
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TOPIC: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 11873 Views

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 17 Aug 2020 20:05 #353891

Looking back at the entire thread i see a bigger picture. One concept that comes out is how disheartening it is that all it takes is one weak moment and all that effort goes out the window. But on the other hand in the past several days which contain 24 hours each, how much time and success was put into all the times that you didn't fall. Plus knowing that magnitude of great this struggle with the knowledge that it is almost inevitable that this slip will happen again and yet you didn't give in nor did you get up. Plus you came back here, took accountability of you actions and are pushing forward to fix it. This is an accomplishment as well. We all want perfection and that is a worthwhile goal to desire, however it is a very difficult task and will take time to master. How many times does a baby fall before he can walk? Its all about trying and keep trying. Keep up the fight and know while maybe you had a relapse you are giving chizuck to others and as a result might be able to hold off for another day or long.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 17 Aug 2020 20:34 #353894

Thank you Nathan
I want to try hold my self accountable to this thread, I'm checking this site anyway, and I was becoming a bit numb to filling out the 90 day form and holding myself accountable to it

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 18 Aug 2020 20:37 #353954

Clean day today bH.
Didn't have any urges, nor were there any fireworks, just grateful to have a clean day.


My current goal is a week clean, it's not a lot, but it's realistic for now.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 19 Aug 2020 16:06 #353998

Uneventful day so far Baruch Hashem. Feeling anxious about something else, just trying to make sure my feelings don't overflow in a fall

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 19 Aug 2020 19:44 #354000

Been listening to the fight by Rabbi Shafier and also another set of shiurim on this topic by a Rabbi in my yeshiva.
Please let me know if you have another set of shiurim on the topic you found helpful

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 19 Aug 2020 21:40 #354011

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Check out the Forum about shiurim that's pinned to the top of the Important Threads category. There are a lot of good shiurim posted there.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 21 Aug 2020 06:28 #354064

Another clean day, no urges. Not sure if it's because if I've just had none, or because I'm trying not to give an opening to the y"h. Will have to be careful this afternoon and motsei, often those are time when I fall.
Good Shabbos everyone!

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 22 Aug 2020 20:46 #354092

Clean over shabbos and motsei!  
Went for a run tonight, I guess that night have helped. Don't think I have had any urges since I last fell, bli ayin hora, I just hope I'm in the right mindset for when I do.
Elul zman starts tomorrow, looking forward, hopefully being busy learning should take some of the edge away from my desires

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 23 Aug 2020 05:52 #354100

1 day away from my goal, gonna set my next goal at 2 weeks, don't want to make too big of a jump for now, I think my longest streaks are 2-3 weeks so this is crunch time. Also got to make sure that I don't just fall after meeting this goal, sometimes in the past I'll update the 90 day chart and within an hour or two I'll fall. 
Been having some unusual dreams, but not any wet ones, maybe its a withdrawal symptom, although it hasn't been that long...

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 23 Aug 2020 15:53 #354109

Have an urge at the moment, and an opportunity to fall, but I'm going to let it pass, almost at my 1 goal, and about to begin towards my 2nd. Might listen to another shiur on the topic soon to clear my mind

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 24 Aug 2020 05:47 #354133

Just reached my goal of a week. Mostly smooth going for the majority of the week, but had a bit of a desire yesterday. Can't get complacent, that's often when I fall. 
1 week down, 1 week to go until goal no. 2

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 24 Aug 2020 21:03 #354151

Clean again today, bH. 
I need to watch myself a bit more, sometimes I get in the habit of looking around too much, looking for an opening. Not quite a slip, but I'm subconsciously looking for an opening to a slip or fall. Also this evening my mind was more on this topic, less of an base urge and more of a want.
I kept the yh at bay so far and beH I hope to be able to continue. Each day is a reset, even if yesterday had some flaws, I can still wake up and approach the day anew, I don't have to hold myself to any struggles I had yesterday, but meanwhile I can continue to build on the strength I'm gaining by staying clean.

Would appreciate any help about trying to stop this habitual looking around (both in real life and on my phone) or just if anyone wants to reach out and say hi, it's been a few days since someone else has messaged.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 24 Aug 2020 21:31 #354153

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Looking_to_improve wrote on 24 Aug 2020 21:03:
Clean again today, bH. 
I need to watch myself a bit more, sometimes I get in the habit of looking around too much, looking for an opening. Not quite a slip, but I'm subconsciously looking for an opening to a slip or fall. Also this evening my mind was more on this topic, less of an base urge and more of a want.
I kept the yh at bay so far and beH I hope to be able to continue. Each day is a reset, even if yesterday had some flaws, I can still wake up and approach the day anew, I don't have to hold myself to any struggles I had yesterday, but meanwhile I can continue to build on the strength I'm gaining by staying clean.

Would appreciate any help about trying to stop this habitual looking around (both in real life and on my phone) or just if anyone wants to reach out and say hi, it's been a few days since someone else has messaged.

Hey there! We are all still here with you.

We all know that even with all the tricks and methods, at the end it all boils down to the person exercising self control. In the beginning after a fall we have a fresh new commitment that bubbles with confidence and excitement. That leads us only so far. After some time the initial excitement wears off. So what do we do now? We start to get careless, we "just want to check if..." we are not sure if it's even worth it and so on.

So what to do? We must refresh our earlier commitment by revisiting the feelings and emotions that led to the initial decision to fight back. Try to remember the feelings after acting out, how you felt that the few short minutes of pleasure was worthless in the face of the aftermath. How horrible you felt when you melted like hot wax in the face of something that provides more heartache and suffering then the few fleeting moments of imagined enjoyment. Think about the feelings of overcoming the weakness, how amazing and in control you felt and how it positively effected so many other aspects in your life.

It's almost like renewing your vows to the reality you know vs. the fantasy you feel. You can even keep a list with all the pros and cons sitting in your wallet for easy access. By constantly recharging the intellectual and emotional aspects of your decision you will find it easier to continue fighting. 

                                   Grant

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 25 Aug 2020 00:01 #354156

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Sorry for the late reply.

Basically with Mindfulness, if you get the urge to fall, acknowledge the urge.

Be aware of it.

Know that it will encourage you to fall.

But realise that it is not part of you, rather it is a temporary feeling, and it will pass.

It is a feeling, a thought, a notion, but it is not YOU.
It is actually external, but it acts on your inside.
But it is external.

So you can imagine it as a cloud, that is above you for short time, but then it floats away.

---------------------------------------------------------

In addition to Mindfulness, work out why you get the urge to fall.
It can be sheer lust, or depression, loneliness etc making you crave a "false high."
So be aware of what triggers your urges to fall, sometimes there can be a few different triggers which all act on you at once.

Then structure your life so that these triggers are less likely to occur in the first place.
Last Edit: 25 Aug 2020 00:08 by ColinColin.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 25 Aug 2020 03:43 #354165

Looking_to_improve wrote on 24 Aug 2020 21:03:
Clean again today, bH. 
I need to watch myself a bit more, sometimes I get in the habit of looking around too much, looking for an opening. Not quite a slip, but I'm subconsciously looking for an opening to a slip or fall. Also this evening my mind was more on this topic, less of an base urge and more of a want.
I kept the yh at bay so far and beH I hope to be able to continue. Each day is a reset, even if yesterday had some flaws, I can still wake up and approach the day anew, I don't have to hold myself to any struggles I had yesterday, but meanwhile I can continue to build on the strength I'm gaining by staying clean.

Would appreciate any help about trying to stop this habitual looking around (both in real life and on my phone) or just if anyone wants to reach out and say hi, it's been a few days since someone else has messaged.

I've found that a helpful mindset to overcome the temptation to "just have a quick look" is to remind myself that looking will increase my desire, not satisfy it. Is looking at ice cream when I am dying for an ice cream going to satisfy my desire, or make it stronger? Hope that helps and keep up the good work!
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"
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