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There must be a way
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: There must be a way 5136 Views

Re: There must be a way 22 Feb 2021 20:28 #363974

  • DavidT
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I'll share something that helps me a lot...

Usually, if a person is faced with a challenge, the strategy to overcome it is by working hard to get it under control. However, in this area, such a strategy will not work. In fact, the opposite is true: When a person tries to control a thought, he is essentially bringing to mind the very topic that he was trying to rid himself of, which causes his mind to explore it further. For example, if someone tells himself not to think about an elephant, then just mentioning those words will bring the image of an elephant to mind. This idea holds true both with regards to inappropriate thoughts, as well as improper sights. A person should always remember the Golden Rule: Any time you think about not thinking or seeing it, then “it” is already in your mind.

How, then, should one deal with inappropriate thoughts and sights? They should be treated as if they are a bag of garbage, waiting for the garbage collector to come. Just as you wouldn’t open the garbage bag to investigate if there’s something good there, so, too, a person should work on himself to consider these thoughts and sights as if they are nothing and just continue on his way. The focus should be to continue on with ‘business as usual’ without even analyzing what just happened.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: There must be a way 23 Feb 2021 20:15 #364081

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Clean 
Peirush above 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 24 Feb 2021 20:39 #364177

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Pretty good day today b"h 
One urge and not in a situation that I could dwell on it anyway so all in all, great, clean day

Hatzlocho 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 25 Feb 2021 16:46 #364229

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Clean
Busy
B"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 26 Feb 2021 16:48 #364287

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Clean 
פורים כשר ושמח 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 27 Feb 2021 21:23 #364295

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Slipped
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 28 Feb 2021 20:26 #364354

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Clean b"h 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 01 Mar 2021 20:50 #364465

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Last round I found days 25-40ish real hard

Now in the mid 30s and it is hard

Phone call last night helped b"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 01 Mar 2021 22:33 #364475

  • Grant400
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"starting" post=356996 date=1604329843 catid=4

Had a bit of a rough time last night, y"h found a reason for me to fall. 
There was a problem though, which he didn't reckon with; I don't do that stuff. It's not me. Finished. No. What the heck? What for? 
So I u have a list of things that people like me do aka distractions list and kept busy. 

Simple theory: I don't do x, I do do a, b & c. 

Hatzlocho


Remember this golden post? Remember the flash of crystal clear clarity you had at that moment? Remember what an impression it made on all of us?

Re: There must be a way 02 Mar 2021 07:05 #364526

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Grant400 wrote on 01 Mar 2021 22:33:


"starting" post=356996 date=1604329843 catid=4

Had a bit of a rough time last night, y"h found a reason for me to fall. 
There was a problem though, which he didn't reckon with; I don't do that stuff. It's not me. Finished. No. What the heck? What for? 
So I u have a list of things that people like me do aka distractions list and kept busy. 

Simple theory: I don't do x, I do do a, b & c. 

Hatzlocho


Remember this golden post? Remember the flash of crystal clear clarity you had at that moment? Remember what an impression it made on all of us?

Yes, I live with this all the time 

I clearly remember coming to that definitive decision during an extremely powerful phone call 
At the time I was doing what it takes to break a masturbation habit. Now I still definitely do not masturbate but am working on cutting down on lusting, which has become extremely hard recently, very possibly with thanks to serious financial issues. 
I am also extremely busy now and have not been looking for distractions, just when I do get to close my eyes I want to avoid having girls coming into my head 

So if I were to rewrite that post in my current state it would finish something like
'I don't do that stuff... 
So I sent my reminded myself that I have to post accountability and started thinking about something more productive/relaxing/kosher

Simple theory: I don't masturbate, so I will try to avoid getting to the point of being on the verge of it.'

Really don't have time to actively work on cleaning my head and I also see people scantily dressed too often but accountability helps. I also promised my mentor that I'll write/leave him a voicemail describing my feelings if it does get bad 


I don't do x and avoid being in the situation where I feel that x would be the way out 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 03 Mar 2021 00:58 #364596

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Clean b"h 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 04 Mar 2021 07:07 #364697

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Slipped...

Having big problems in general and stress level is way beyond anything legal


Trying to to avoid looking where I shouldn't just for today. 
ODAAT 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 04 Mar 2021 15:02 #364711

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starting wrote on 04 Mar 2021 07:07:
Slipped...

Having big problems in general and stress level is way beyond anything legal


Trying to to avoid looking where I shouldn't just for today. 
ODAAT 

You're amazing. I would ask you for a bracha as you definitely have now the power of Yosef Hatzadik... Such stress and nisyonos and still keeping strong! Keep it up - as you say, "one day at a time"  
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: There must be a way 04 Mar 2021 17:24 #364725

  • DeterminedtoWin
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starting wrote on 04 Mar 2021 07:07:
Slipped...

Having big problems in general and stress level is way beyond anything legal


Trying to to avoid looking where I shouldn't just for today. 
ODAAT 

That's great that you were able to check in with us in such a state. I have a hard time checking in when I'm down. Hang in there buddy! Tons of kudos and schar for you my friend for every little bit of fight you're putting up!

Would it help to do anything, even a tiny thing, to address any of the following in any way?

HALT which means "Don't become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired." or BADS (Boredom, Anxiety, Depression, Stress).    

Hatzlacha!
Last Edit: 04 Mar 2021 17:25 by DeterminedtoWin.

Re: There must be a way 04 Mar 2021 17:26 #364727

  • Grant400
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DeterminedtoWin wrote on 04 Mar 2021 17:24:

starting wrote on 04 Mar 2021 07:07:
Slipped...

Having big problems in general and stress level is way beyond anything legal


Trying to to avoid looking where I shouldn't just for today. 
ODAAT 

That's great that you were able to check in with us in such a state. I have a hard time checking in when I'm down. Hang in there buddy! Tons of kudos and schar for you my friend for every little bit of fight you're putting up!

Would it help to do anything, even a tiny thing, to address any of the following in any way?

HALT which means "Don't become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired." or BADS (Boredom, Anxiety, Depression, Stress).    

Hatzlacha!

How about HALT! Do not do it, it is BADS!
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