BHYY wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:33:

This is a question for our beloved birthday boy, Harav Hagaon R' YeshivaGuy. He has this issue all the time, and has remained victorious of late.

Heeeelllllooooooo?!?!?!? YeshivaGuy?!?!? We need your assistance! 

BHYY wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:33:

Same situation when I’m home too.
It’s rough, that’s all I can say. Here’s what I do, I pasken in my mind that the computer doesn’t exist/it’sהקדש or whatever u wanna say.
And when I walk past it I don’t even look at it, it’s not shayach to me.
Also, using the forum during such a time helps immensely, as well as being in contact with a GYE friend on the phone.

Also a big Yesod is believing shtark that this is not inevitable.
I would always feel that since I’m forced to be in such a matzav that I therefore have no Bechira and will fall.
What Ive learnt here thus far, BH, which has caused me much Hatzlocha, is believing that I am the author of my own destiny. That I control my Self and nothing is inevitable.
This has worked for me bh, it’s hard and painful, but once you get there it’s liberating...

Now, if there comes a time that u need to use the computer for something kosher, that’s where this mindset (that it doesn’t exist) becomes harder.............
We’ll need eitza from the chevra here on what to do at such a time...

But anyway, Keep shteiging and thriving, and Keep in Touch!


YeshivaGuy

BHYY wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:33:

p.s.
dont forget that big wad of dollars that you have set aside reminding you that youre a good bochur who just had a hiccup as you yourself had said!

BHYY. You are definitely not alone on this one. I never masturbated or looked at pornography during yeshiva. It was only during bein hazmanim when I went home to my parents house.

Can you speak to your parents about your struggle? I never did. Too ashamed. Looking back, I wish I had. Someone posted a few months back about speaking to his mother and how it was really helpful.

Thank you all for that much needed chizuk. I'm going to keep steaming ahead

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 08 Jan 2021 15:10:

After consulting with my Rebbe and therapist we concluded that they wouldn't understand.

Shabbos was nice and uneventful. Unfortunately Motzei Shabbos was not so.
I was sitting and studying for a final and a little voice in my head said "Hey, would doing such-and-such on your computer bypass the filter?" Yes it did... So that lead to falling twice tonight.
I get it, it was boring and monotonous and my brain wandered for excitement. I still feel gross.
Well, I'm heading back to Yeshiva so that's a nechama. I already messaged the filter company so hopefully they'll patch this problem.

I unfortunately also fell tonight. We will get back up together iyh!

BHYY wrote on 10 Jan 2021 05:35:

chazak chazak, sometimes i dont know if i should be jealous that you guys are so smart that you know how to bypass filters or be happy that im so dumb that i cant bypass the filter .hmmm

sleepy wrote on 10 Jan 2021 06:42:

If you can install a filter and be bound by it then consider it a bracha and a tremendous one at that. My “skills” are a bracha too...I just need to only use them for good things. Seems like a good place for a plug so anyone that needs any filter advice please don’t hesitate to drop me a PM; I’ve, ahem, stress tested most of them and can advise which have my stamp of approval.

On Friday I joined the YESOD project for the weeks of שובבי"ם‎. I am hoping this with reduce if not eliminate unwanted triggers from secular websites.
When I'm not in Seder I'm either working or studying and in today's day and age that almost guarantees I am sitting in front of a computer. I'm used to browsing various "regular" secular news sites (none of that fake news mind you ) but have discovered that if it isn't ran by frum yidden chances are there will be triggers. Unfortunately there are also many "Frum" news sources that are also triggering if they post pictures of ladies. Maybe it's time for the Algemeiner...

Halachakly you can do shnaim mikra + any translation that you understand (AKA read the English of the parsha) Mishnah Berurah 285:5

Today I had someone act really nasty to me at work. Frum guy at work, mamish no kavod habrios. Hit all the nerves. I was pretty wound up but instead of going to masturbate I got in my car and went for a long drive (had to be long...gotta warm up the engine to get some heat, taking "cooling off" to new levels ) I called a Rebbe of mine and shared my frustrations and he helped me be dan l'kaf zchus the guy and afterward I felt a lot better. Score for today.

Courtesy of cordnoy, I have a new slogan:
cordnoy wrote on 02 Mar 2015 18:20:


I just have to keep shouting it in my head and not in the Yeshiva hallways...

Chevra, I have been in the parsha of shidduchim for over a year. I’ve been on many dates, some shidduchim seemed promising until the girl said no and left me heartbroken and some I had to drag myself through the first date. I keep going hoping that the Ribono Shel Olam sends me my Bashert b’karov mamash. 
I have friends in the parsha too. Generally this is very nice because there is nothing better than commiserating with a friend in the parsha about dating woes. But then they get engaged. When I get an email with a mazel tov announcement my heart sinks. I want my heart to soar. I want to be happy for them. I am happy for them, I’m just frustrated that it’s them and not me. When I go to a friend’s chasuna I usually just feel really awkward in the beginning. It usually takes till around the second dance for me to really get b’simcha and grab the chosson for a dance (btw, I don’t drink at chasunas, my simcha is genuine from the heart). 
I want to feel happy for my friends. When a friend tells me that he is going serious I want to feel hopeful for him, not edgy and depressed. 
I daven for my friends, I daven that they should find their zivugim, and if they’re married that they should be bentched with children. Kol hamispallel b’ad chaveiro vhu tzarich l’oso davar... But it doesn’t help me feel any happier when they get married. 
Is there something I can work on to help me feel happier for others instead of despairing about where I am?

BHYY wrote on 12 Jan 2021 18:09:

Hey BHYY

Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one feeling this way. 
I'm also a bochur and most of my class is already married. Every time I heard that someone got engaged, I had mixed feelings. On the one hand I "should" be happy. I mean, he's my friend and that's what I should be feeling. And in a way I actually was happy for him.

But on the other hand, I also felt like "why can't it be me already?".
And underneath it all perhaps the fear that I will be one of those left behind, never to get married. One of those sob stories where people said years of tehilim for my name etc etc

How do I cope with it:
1. I know that everything that happens to me comes from Hashem and therefore IY"H I'll get married in the right time. 
(If chas veshalom I don't get married, well, that's also from Hashem. And that means that that is the best for me. Now, I truly hope it doesn't come to that. And I can't imagine the pain of someone who hasn't ever been married.)
2. Another point is that I sometimes feel that I lose focus from the big picture. I'm 24. I'm still in my early 20's. So what if I get married 5 years after my friends? Marriage is for life. And for most of us here, we haven't even experienced half of our lives yet. We've literally still got a lifetime ahead.
3. The only thing that remains might be the loneliness. Feeling like there is no one there to hang around with. Yes, that can be painful. [Although I do try to keep in touch with both my single (sometimes younger) and my married friends (even though it truly is never the same after they're married.)]

So, all in all, you're not alone. There are many others feeling what you feel, including myself.
Hashem knows what's best for you and therefore at the end of the day the few months or years that we'll be married after our friends truly won't make a big difference in the long run. You can rest assured, everything is going according to plan. And therefore, there's nothing really to worry about. With that in mind I hope that you can feel you're friend's simcha a bit more.