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Learning what to answer
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Learning what to answer 1000 Views

Re: Learning what to answer 18 Nov 2019 08:37 #345203

  • David26fr
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 189
  • Karma: 8
Sorry for the fall

You can try the book "Living emunah", it helped me a lot.
And a daily work on all the little events of our life, too.

Also, install quickly a stronger filter on your phone, before your phone replace your computer as a new flaw....

Re: Learning what to answer 24 Nov 2019 10:27 #345335

  • greenland55
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 20
  • Karma: 2
Hello everybody, haven't posted here in some time.

Unfortunately just now I had possibly my worst relapse in a long time after 6 days clean (spoilered).
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Anyway, it was terrible and I feel nauseous thinking about it

Do you speak to anyone about all this? Do you have a rebbi/mentor? Or at least a good chaver to speak with?

Honestly this is one of my biggest lacks. So many of my relationships especially with other Jews and rabbi are way too superficial and I feel completely alone. I don't know how to change this situation even though so many people these days are literally dying for a good conversation. Maybe I should expand my horizons or what not and I can't say I have really put much exertion into that beyond what is comfortable.

Keep in mind, that we are not in this world to coast.  Life is a journey.  There will be times, when things are running smoothly and our avodas Hashem is going well and we feel "good" about ourselves.

Yes thank you you're right about that. I made some excellent progress in all sorts of things during my first streak and haven't been really getting out of my comfort zone in any ways besides working harder academically. There are so many people with these issues all sort of avoiding one another and all seeking help and I'd prefer to be part of the solution rather than being one of the depressed masses.

You can try the book "Living emunah", it helped me a lot.And a daily work on all the little events of our life, too.Also, install quickly a stronger filter on your phone, before your phone replace your computer as a new flaw....

Well, I did install a filter on my phone that is pretty good and haven't had any issue since. Used the "Manage SPIN" which does the job and isn't too pricey. I'll check out that book, thanks for the recommendation.

Honestly the good news is that I am sort of much more able to describe my issues now, why I act out etc. It's basically stress*access*habit = acting out. Earlier I didn't have much stress or a habit so I could afford access. But right now I have high stress and unfortunately a bit of a habit, so I need no access whatsoever. Besides that, I need to work on appreciating strenuous and uncomfortable stuff and being more of a man. This seems like an awful lot on the plate but I'll putz my way through it without pornography.

Also, I am going to really read the handbook and post here more often since neglecting this didn't work out too well for me.

Re: Learning what to answer 24 Nov 2019 19:31 #345346

  • Captain
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 48
  • Karma: 2
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Best way to break free: Try it and see!

Re: Learning what to answer 01 Dec 2019 01:51 #345626

  • greenland55
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 20
  • Karma: 2
Thanks for the recommendation I'll look, also have been through the GYE handbook.
Been clean for the past couple days BH. I had the same decision that I had last week (schlepping after Shabbos to put away my computer) but I did it this time (well, I'm about to put it away). Coming home from a trip seems to either be a plus or a minus for this sort of thing. Unfortunately my roommate is gone now but I'll have no access.

Re: Learning what to answer 05 Dec 2019 01:36 #345752

  • greenland55
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 20
  • Karma: 2
I fell today, I had my computer in my house and was going to put it away in just an hour, was stopping by. But my roommate was out for a few. And this is what my Yeyzer Hara has been telling me for some time:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

But I don't know what to answer and the only times I am successful are when I don't think too much and just do my work and keep my head down. I spent a goodly amount of today learning Torah, and that just made this worse. Which is probably why I usually fall after Shabbos.

On a practical level, there will henceforth be no more taking my computer into my house for any period of time whatsoever. I will count putting myself into a situation in which I'll easily relapse as a fall, even if I do not actually do it.
(On a side note, the auto save feature seems to work imperfectly at the moment)
Last Edit: 05 Dec 2019 04:25 by greenland55. Reason: even less verbose

Re: Learning what to answer 05 Dec 2019 06:24 #345755

  • Realestatemogul
  • Current streak: 4 days
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 150
  • Karma: 18
Hey Greenland55! (Are you secretly also trying to buy Greenland?)

You are one courageous fellow!!! You clearly care a lot about doing the right thing and getting back up and it is very commendable! 

I am currently on Day 2 clean, but only last year I had a 250+ day streak!! See I found that I was so motivated to stay clean forever, but once I fell and I saw that I wasn't "cured" it became harder to keep up longer streaks then I became less motivated. It's hard to stay clean when it may only last a week or month..."Will I ever be clean?," "What is the point anyway?," and "Who am I fooling?" have become the types of thoughts that run through my brain. 

...BUT obviously I have a deep burning desire to do better than that. I desire to have a life that is productive and bears fruits, which means no wasting precious time on this earth with escaping to watch porn or sinning by wasting seed. HOWEVER, Hashem created us with certain desires (everyone in different ways) and I know he wants me to work on overcoming this. I know that this is my challenge in life and how I will get my share in the next world (among other areas I need improvement on...). 

WITH that being said, I applaud you for you incredible streak prior to this. It was an incredible achievement and as you mentioned it has given you certain tools and brought you to a higher level that will NEVER be lost. (#MuscleMemory)

I personally have tried to focus (thanks to the help from GYE members) on stopping watching inappropriate things, which I have been much more successful at in the past few months (my streak is mzl, but I havn't watched porn in longer than that). I HIGHLY recommend spending the few $'s to get a solid filter. If I offered you a couple more hours of your life a week for a few $'s, it would be a no brainer. Yes, your computer/phone may be a drop slower, but you will be happier and more productive person and it would be worth it.  

So I wish you much hatzlacha in your journey to continue climbing this mountain! After a relapse is a time to refocus on why you are doing this and decide what you are willing to sacrifice for it. GYE is a great resource and having a strong support system of friends and mentors are really helpful, but focus on short term successes and pulling out of the mud. Then it get's easier to climb. 

Sorry for the ramble, but I wanted to share my experience.

Keep inspiring us!

Re: Learning what to answer 05 Dec 2019 17:41 #345765

  • DavidT
  • Current streak: 22 days
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 22
  • Karma: 4
It's so painful to read about your falls and we all at GYE feel the pain together as a family.

I wanted to share what's working for me at this time which I'm 19 days clean.
​1- I got incredible chizuk and understanding from this , do yourself a favor and listen to it...
2- TALKING to someone (not just online chatting and posting) , even on the phone (without disclosing your ID)  is an amazing cure for bringing lust of of the shadows. There are many people that are willing and able to have you as an accountability partner, go for it! 
3- Pray for others that are in the same situation like you. כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו והוא צריך לאותו דבר הוא נענה תחילה‎
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