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from zero to 90
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: from zero to 90 5770 Views

Re: from zero to 90 16 Feb 2020 22:22 #347371

  • Hakolhevel
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Mark18. What you said is true, and may help somce people, and probably its good to remind ourselves of that. 

However as markz said, for many people here it may not do the trick.

Think hotdogs: the dregs of the meat, full of nitrates and sodium, can only taste good when covered in a paste that has loads of sugar and salt (aka ketchup) yet I still love and eat it (albiet not to often)
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: from zero to 90 17 Feb 2020 21:17 #347388

  • doingtshuva
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Markz wrote on 16 Feb 2020 21:56:
Karl doesn’t believe that’s gonna help someone hooked on porn, phoney or not

Your right, but for me it did make a small change after reading and listening to ex porn starts. Most of them start at a very young age, just reached 18, and almost all of them regret after getting sick. 
Once read on a women that was forced to perform without protection. They get sucked into it and a few month later a new star comes up and your finished, what's makes them to do crazy things to stay in the line. Watching porn is = to watching rape.
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: from zero to 90 20 Feb 2020 16:05 #347455

  • drust
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Every time I read the posts that have been written related to this topic I tell myself: "look boy! they are talking to you.... these people want to save you from the hell.. these people want to release your soul from sin... and you.... you are wasting your whole time in a day..."
But after a while I forget these thoughts.... I imagine some prnstars in my head and my hand goes to twitter involuntarily and search some prnstars names and search and search and start my fall...
one week ago I deleted twitter app from my phone. but today I checked my twitter in my laptop and my bad thoughts attacked me again. I couldn't fight them and I lost again.
​I can't delete my twitter account because I want to practice writing, want to finding good friends, want to communicate with the people around the world ....
so....
can someone tell me how can I run away from the thoughts which are ruining my whole life?
Thank you All....

Re: from zero to 90 20 Feb 2020 21:44 #347466

  • Hashem Help Me
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If for a while you have to give up Twitter to save your life, do it buddy.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: from zero to 90 21 Feb 2020 00:29 #347470

Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 Feb 2020 21:44:
If for a while you have to give up Twitter to save your life, do it buddy.

Amen.

I would say if you have to give up Twitter indefintely to save your life, do it buddy. Get filters for your devices. Denying myself access to masturbatory materials was a game-changer for me.
Last Edit: 21 Feb 2020 00:29 by שבע יפול צדיק וקם.

Re: from zero to 90 21 Feb 2020 01:49 #347473

  • Hakolhevel
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Recently I was listening to a podcast on recovery. The presenter asked pointed out, he asks people, on a scale of one to ten, how desperate are you to come clean, he says, he only takes clients who say 11 or higher. His point was, if you really want to be clean, you will do whatever it takes, the question is how much do you want it.

P.s webcvaver recently came out with screen accountability, that means, no matter what app you are in, of you view something inappropriate, your chaver will know.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: from zero to 90 24 Feb 2020 10:55 #347519

  • shmuel83
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If you must go on Twitter, I suggest aggressively curating your feed to remove accounts you shouldn’t be following, and only follow accounts that are related to why you joined. For example if you want to practice writing, follow accounts related to writing. If you can’t think of a good reason why you should follow someone, don’t.

Re: from zero to 90 28 Feb 2020 13:06 #347624

  • drust
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C'mon Drust....
that's it.
go ahead.
You should maintain your pureness until tour birthday. (short-term goal)

Re: from zero to 90 02 Mar 2020 18:27 #347671

  • Snowflake
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Hey drust,

Great work on the 8 days! Keep going
Have you ever heard of the dry drunk? The guy who's an alcoholic tries desperately to stop drinking, but without 12 steps or the tried tools. He tries as he can to avoid alcohol, but he hasn't given it up internally. He's always anxious about finding alcohol on the street and when he does, he slips and falls. He is never happy and his life is about avoiding alcohol. He could, in fact, not drink for the rest of his whole life. But he'll be anxious as hell and practically speaking he will go back to drinking.
I'm sorry to say but from reading your posts, you don't seem to have given up lust, at least internally. I don't mean to sound harsh or patronizing at all, only to help you Bez"H.
Stopping M can and should be an easy flight, if the right precautions are taken. It shouldn't be something so frightening.
-Do you have good filters? Not having them is a deal-breaker. You can't stay clean without good filters. The filter also simbolizes the giving up. It means you admit you can't handle it on your own, and that you're ready to give up lust. It's a statement. I don't need nor want that in my life. All devices should be filtered.
-Take notes on how you fall. Is it in the office? Is it at home? We lust addicts can't expect to repeat old behaviours and circumstances and think this time will be different. If you notice how you fall, it's probably a pattern. If you identify it, you can break it up. Again, it's about giving up. I Snowflake, for instance, admit I can't go to the bathroom far from my bedroom at midnight with an unfiltered phone. To be sure, I don't even go there. If I do, I check my phone out (even though my phone is filtered). I use the bathroom nearby my bedroom, where my wife can at least hear me.
-Give up lust. Not talking about videos or whatever (these should be the first to go out). I'm talking about that look on an innapropriately dressed woman. That extra 5 second staring at an ad. The forbidden thoughts. Realize lust is the villain. It kills you from the very inside. Giving it up will be the best thing you can ever do. Just say to yourself, I need to cut this off from me. You can't control the thoughts or even the looks. Sometimes something forbidden just comes right in front of you. But you can divert them in a short span and minimize damages. That's in your power.
-Read the 12 steps and Dov's shiurim/quotes. They go deep into what is recovery and why we need it.
-Do you have a plan for the urges? When an urge comes, our instinct is to isolate ourselves. We must do the opposite and come here, and express our feelings.
Again, sorry if I seem harsh, just wanna help you out.
This is a long term thing and it needs a long term plan.
Anyway I'm here to help as I'm sure everyone else here.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 02 Mar 2020 18:29 by Snowflake.

Re: from zero to 90 02 Mar 2020 23:09 #347674

  • Hakolhevel
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Snowflake wrote on 02 Mar 2020 18:27:
Hey drust,

Great work on the 8 days! Keep going
Have you ever heard of the dry drunk? The guy who's an alcoholic tries desperately to stop drinking, but without 12 steps or the tried tools. He tries as he can to avoid alcohol, but he hasn't given it up internally. He's always anxious about finding alcohol on the street and when he does, he slips and falls. He is never happy and his life is about avoiding alcohol. He could, in fact, not drink for the rest of his whole life. But he'll be anxious as hell and practically speaking he will go back to drinking.
I'm sorry to say but from reading your posts, you don't seem to have given up lust, at least internally. I don't mean to sound harsh or patronizing at all, only to help you Bez"H.
Stopping M can and should be an easy flight, if the right precautions are taken. It shouldn't be something so frightening.
-Do you have good filters? Not having them is a deal-breaker. You can't stay clean without good filters. The filter also simbolizes the giving up. It means you admit you can't handle it on your own, and that you're ready to give up lust. It's a statement. I don't need nor want that in my life. All devices should be filtered.
-Take notes on how you fall. Is it in the office? Is it at home? We lust addicts can't expect to repeat old behaviours and circumstances and think this time will be different. If you notice how you fall, it's probably a pattern. If you identify it, you can break it up. Again, it's about giving up. I Snowflake, for instance, admit I can't go to the bathroom far from my bedroom at midnight with an unfiltered phone. To be sure, I don't even go there. If I do, I check my phone out (even though my phone is filtered). I use the bathroom nearby my bedroom, where my wife can at least hear me.
-Give up lust. Not talking about videos or whatever (these should be the first to go out). I'm talking about that look on an innapropriately dressed woman. That extra 5 second staring at an ad. The forbidden thoughts. Realize lust is the villain. It kills you from the very inside. Giving it up will be the best thing you can ever do. Just say to yourself, I need to cut this off from me. You can't control the thoughts or even the looks. Sometimes something forbidden just comes right in front of you. But you can divert them in a short span and minimize damages. That's in your power.
-Read the 12 steps and Dov's shiurim/quotes. They go deep into what is recovery and why we need it.
-Do you have a plan for the urges? When an urge comes, our instinct is to isolate ourselves. We must do the opposite and come here, and express our feelings.
Again, sorry if I seem harsh, just wanna help you out.
This is a long term thing and it needs a long term plan.
Anyway I'm here to help as I'm sure everyone else here.

Amazing post!
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: from zero to 90 04 Mar 2020 16:01 #347695

  • drust
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Thanks a lot.
I think you know me better than myself.
You are right. I'm very weak  against my thoughts, P*rnstars' bodies, staying alone and many other reasons in this battlefield.
I can't fight anymore I think.
Thank you about your useful comment my friend

Re: from zero to 90 04 Mar 2020 16:18 #347696

  • drust
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DeadEnd



I think I can't fight with this monster.

but I wanna thank to all people who commented to this topic.

Sometimes I think about that if I will get married it would be the alone way to give mas*turbating up. Sometimes I think about crush my phone. Sometimes I envy anyone who doesn't have a phone. Sometimes I think to many ways. But in the end I always fail.

anyway, 

I'm going to start 12 steps. there should be a way, just one way, to stop watching inappropriate pics and and  stop mastu*rbating. and I'll find it. I swear it.


 

Re: from zero to 90 04 Mar 2020 17:03 #347697

  • Snowflake
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drust,

Thanks for sharing your struggle.
We all are powerless to all that stuff.You are not alone. You said you had a crush on a p-star. Haven't we all had that?
The thing is to admit that's the way Hashem made us. We are powerless to this kind of stuff. And the next very best thing is to truly decide we can't go on like this anymore. To truly give up lust. If you sincerely want to quit, then like everyone else said you need to take every precaution, filters, change circumstances. Admit that, by yourself, without any precautions, you will fall prey to the same triggers, then self-loathe, all in a vicious cycle. Make a real plan. And you may yet still fall, and then you keep working on your plan and reaching out, until things settle (and you don't settle lol, keep upping the defenses because even senior members here are prone to falls). I know that because I used to be in your shoes just a while ago. I still had my unfiltered phone. I made all kinds of excuses. It slows the internet. Sometimes the apps just don't work. But in reality, I wasn't ready to give up lust. I thought I needed it.  I thought I couldn't live without it. It was like the "bottle in the fridge". I could reach out whenever I thought "I really need it". Once you decide not only you don't need it, but you need to get rid of it for good, then you're ready to actually do everything that's in your reach. But it takes real honesty with yourself. Do I really want to stop? Am I willing to make some small sacrifices to keep clean? Self-beating is also a tool of the YH. It leads us to nowhere. The YH wants us to feel down, helpless and even more than that. The YH wants us to quit the game. So first of all, don't beat yourself up, even if you C"V fall! We are all in day 1 here, we are all addicts, we all have our "things". For ideas for a plan, check out the GYE handbook. Keep coming here on a daily basis if you can, because the chizuk is very good. If you can join an SA meeting that's ideal. If you can reach out to someone here (anonymously) by the phone, it's very good too.
Keep us posted and yasher koach! You seem very determined.
I'm davening for you!

BTW: I'm married, as well as many members here are. For my case, it actually entails even more triggers, which sometimes make my battle even harder. But it's completely possible to stay clean while single, for any amount of time. Wet dreams may occur more often than for married guys, but that's it. 
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 04 Mar 2020 17:06 by Snowflake.

Re: from zero to 90 04 Mar 2020 19:59 #347700

  • Hakolhevel
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Drust. I hear a lot of despondency in your writing. Don't give up so fast. I know it's hard, when we fail we feel like it will never get better and we feel like C**p. Just remember, most problems in life take time to fix, why would this be any different? I know it's difficult, and I was very discouraged many times, the number 1 tool you need is the desire not to give up. If you have that, eventually you will find a way. Good luck and listen to snowflake,  he's writing amazing stuff.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash
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