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I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 17583 Views

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 04 Oct 2019 17:18 #344006

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higher wrote on 04 Oct 2019 15:35:
just wanted to say that recently i got a dirty text with a pic inviting me to date someone. bh i wasnt able to open the pic cuz i dont have internet on my phone (blocked). cud be it was a fake but for me it was a nisayon not to cave in. i deleted the text right away, bh.

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Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 28 Nov 2019 22:45 #345593

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higher ,where are you? just want to let you know that you are missed by the chevra here
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 28 Nov 2019 22:52 #345596

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cordnoy wrote on 01 May 2019 19:23:

higher wrote on 01 May 2019 16:59:
i have a question all that have an answer are invited to come forth. (cud be this shud be in a seperate thread i wud appreciate advice on that as well)

question: what is a person that is not an addict and starved of sex with his wife supposed to do? he has natrual urges and if hes locked up and being starved, how can he just restrain himself? he needs to let it out somewhere no? regardless of the fact that he wont be fulfilled be engaging in all this filthy garbage, but how can he just starve his need? he has to be fed SOMEWHAT...


DISCLAIMER!!! obviously the fact that something is a davar assur and we can get hell for it etc is not the discussion here. im looking for both chizzuk as well as a practical eitzah for fulfilling a pretty basic need when one seems pretty trapped. obviously the goal is to only do ratzon hashem and not any aveiros...the question is whats a good chizzuk for someone going through such a mess, and whats a practical tip/solution for fulfillment your starved. and with all due respect, to anyone on the site, if you have a great sex life, please dont bother answering (unless you have previous experience of your wife being disgusted by it) u probably have no clue of both the difficulty of the nisayon nor the solution. 

to quote one of the resident experts on the site:
  1. The "need" is imagined, not real....
  2. If you come to terms with that and are at peace with the fact that there will be urges, but those urges do not define who you are, you will iyh be able to pull through.
  3. As far as learning about this subject i think a first education is to once and for all destroy the mantra/belief that one NEEDS to ejaculate. Although pleasurable it is but an urge. Unlike eating and sleeping it is not a need.
  4. Distract yourself for a few minutes and you will see the urge disappear into thin air. It is a desire, not a need.
  5. They do not panic when faced with an urge, rather they use the methods they learned here among the chevra. For some, it is to call a friend, another makes a Taphsic, another goes for a walk or turns on a shiur/music, another reads a previously written list of things Hashem does for him on a daily basis.
  6. The first step in stopping mzl is to recognize that although it is pleasurable (for a very short time), it is not a need. A person can live a happy and fulfilled life without ejaculation or other sexual stimulation. Food, drink, and sleep are necessities, not sex.
  7. When someone is hungry and distracts himself, when the distraction is over, he is starving. When one is tired and gets very busy, when done he "crashes". However when one feels the urge to masturbate and instead gets on a treadmill, goes for a walk, gets busy at work, etc, the urge does not automatically reappear when that distraction/task is over. i have woken up with strong erections "ready to go" and forced myself to get moving and bh the urge did not return. that shows us that ejaculation is not a need, rather a very pleasurable activity which some of us have gotten into the habit as using as a stress reliever, boredom escape, or rejection pacifier. (As we all know the relief is extremely short lived and simply not worth the depression/anxiety/guilt/ feelings we develop immediately after acting out.)
  8. I would like to add that my own feeling of liberation has been incredible:  Before abstinence, I was convinced that I had sexual needs, and I was constantly obsessed with fulfilling those needs, not being satisfied, and suffering from terrible frustration (and blaming my wife most of the time).
    Now I realize:  Today I don't NEED sex. I brainwashed myself into thinking I need, and hence all of the above.  I see how emotionally/physically dependent I was on sex.


there was a whole discussion recently if its a need or not ,there are some different opinion so it seemed
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 28 Nov 2019 22:59 #345598

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higher wrote on 02 May 2019 15:05:
thanks qwerty,
im unsure if the maamar chazal that you qouted (im pretty sure its sourced in a gemara) refers to completely abstaining from sex. but you may be right, im not sure. its largely academic either way, in terms of that most people (99.9999999999%) , v'gam ani b'soichum, are not holding by completely starving and there could be a very big ''kickback'' effect if you try-along the way to achieving that state of ''starve it''. But im not holding in the sugya...or am i...? 

look i think it must be that if Hashem gave anyone this nisayon, we could assume that he can somehow pass it, no matter how much a person does not want to admit it. (giving up is always the easiest short way out if your in a ton of pain) none of the above should be misconstrued by a suffering individual as an excuse to act out. the question is just what are good eitzos and i am still in middle of reviewing cordnoys list it takes a long time to chazzer shiur...im also still verifying the quotes and who they are from and seeing if he broke any of the rules in answering the question...if he did it im gonna get him in trouble!! (pun intended) at the end of the day an eitzah can sound great and make alot of sense but if it doesnt practically work for you, then that and whatever it costs where you live to get u on the train will get you on the train.

but its important to realize that as long as we believe in Hashem and nothings random, there is a solution.
hatzlacha raba to all, me included.

you are DEFINITLY correct Hakodesh Baruch Hu  does not smite unless He created a cure before hand ,the solution is there , we just have to find it.Hatzlacha!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 29 Nov 2019 02:20 #345609

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GrowStrong wrote on 20 May 2019 04:42:
Good luck with that.It took me nearly 35 years to realize i would never win and decided to leave the ring.

please explain your post,whenever your in town because your 900 days ken yirbu dont coincide with your post.thank you.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 29 Nov 2019 02:23 #345610

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sleepy wrote on 29 Nov 2019 02:20:

GrowStrong wrote on 20 May 2019 04:42:
Good luck with that.It took me nearly 35 years to realize i would never win and decided to leave the ring.

please explain your post,whenever your in town because your 900 days ken yirbu dont coincide with your post.thank you.

i see  from a furthur post you mean stop fighting and surrender,ok.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 29 Nov 2019 02:32 #345611

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GrowStrong wrote on 23 May 2019 08:53:


however i think (just maybe) that for the average person those can/may be not only wholly insincere words, (on an emotional level) but also completely remove a person from truly being mishtadel to gaurd his eyes and just ''blame it on hashem''. a regular yossel (or joe) can and should be mishtadel and perhaps not ''just surrender'' which can be a distraction from the battle that hes facing and a runaway tactic when hes not running away rather just giving in. those precious words and thoughts of surrender have an effect-when they are wholly sincere.​ not so simple for a regular (wtvr!) to do cuz he thinks that he still has some muscle.



I think that theres still a misunderstanding here as to what surrender actually means...
Also i feel a little bit like this is the YH talking trying to justify why its better to look at women on the street because at least im partaking in a battle which is what Hashem wants from me!
Surrender isn't letting go of histadlut and blaming it on Hashem...
When i drive past a beautiful girl and my brain and heart tells me wow i wanna look at that, and enjoy that beauty and not from a healthy place - i am making a massive histadlut by letting go of that desire to look and driving past without looking.
Instead of surrendering to that base desire to lust after that gorgeous girl i surrender the action of looking.
In other words - all we are doing every time we are faced with a choice is surrendering.
Every time you want to fight the YH and not look but end up looking you surrendered... Only difference is you surrendered to the YH instead of surrendering the YH.
Most of us lusters are highly experienced at surrender...
We do it ALL the time...
Its a paradigm shift to surrender it instead of surrendering to it.
As i grow the muscle it becomes less of a struggle and more natural to surrender my base desires to 'drink' in the beauty... but ultimately its still a choice i have to make every single time.
Am i going to surrender my rights to look or am i going to surrender to my YH and look.
Does this make more sense?

so it sounds like what you call surrender is just the age old tactic of  being may'siach daas from the attractive sight.,because i know that i wont or probably wont win.correct?(youll see this one day.)
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
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