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I hope, I want, I will
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TOPIC: I hope, I want, I will 5486 Views

Re: I hope, I want, I will 19 Jan 2019 21:05 #338538

  • ColinColin
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Start afresh.

Try to enjoy Tu B'Shvat and use it as an incentive for new beginnings.

Do activities that are positive instead of looking at internet porn.

Do actvities which are not based on the internet.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 20 Jan 2019 18:55 #338547

  • Shmiras_3.0
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personally, i very much want to be open and honest with the people around me.     And as-such, i don't want to be doing things that i need to be embarrassed about.       Not having to live a "double-life", is a great feeling, especially during Elul-Yom Kippur.



The real GIFT that sobriety-recovery has given me, is constant ענווה and endless  ביטול to hashem. The the 12 step jargon they call it "surrender", i call it ביטול
.



Every problem i have, can be solved with this one mishna עשה רצונו כרצונך... בטל רצונך בפני רצונו....כדי etc.    It take alot of work, and alot of practice, but when i surrendered all my expectations-comparison to others-future plans... dropped all WHAT I WANT and was מבטל them to WHAT HASHEM WANTS from me...   that's when all my problems dissipated.



FYI i'm only about 45% in such a state right now, so i definitely got some pressing issues on hand right now.        The more i connect to this mindstate, the calmer and more wholesome my life is at any given time.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 21 Jan 2019 21:07 #338572

Issac wrote on 18 Jan 2019 18:02:
Fell - Made it to day 8.
trying to write down reason why I want to stop.
I guess I'm not sure. 
I thought it was because it's a terrible aveirah but it's probably because I'm socially embarrassed (even though no one really knows) and because it makes me feel very low and unconnected.
 I guess I'm been fighting so long that I'm not sure exactly why i'm fighting just that I am.

Well, B"h still here and working on it.

I think this is a very important point.  Why (deep down) are we fighting this?? It may be crucial for each of us to develop strategy based on what is pushing us forward.  Those who have a very ruchniyus'dik reason may utilize different motivations/techniques than those who are just ashamed or tired of living a double life.

For some ideas as to why we want to quit, see this recently posted article. There are quite a number of good reasons besides הקב"ה to quit.  I'm not saying we aren't doing it for Hashem.  Just some of us feel so removed from ruchniyus, that it isn't enough of a motivator at the beginning (I count myself among them).  Hopefully, we will get more 'in-touch' with our other side as we progress and develop a true revulsion to tumah for being against the will of הקב"ה.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 23 Jan 2019 22:47 #338624

  • Issac
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Day 4 
B"h so far so good.
Thank you ColinColin, Escape Artist, Shmiras 3.0 and Thistimeiwillwin. Your advice is very helpful.
   I practiced saying no on some small things and i really think because of that i felt much better about myself and my capabilities.
  thanx everybody

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 29 Jan 2019 02:37 #338719

  • Issac
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Hello,
  whoopsie I fell again.
We have a problem here. not sure what to do. ok before I go to sleep tonight I'm going to write down why I want to stop and how to remind myself when I'm feeling weak.

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 29 Jan 2019 03:05 #338721

  • Markz
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Issac wrote on 29 Jan 2019 02:37:
Hello,
  whoopsie I fell again.
We have a problem here. not sure what to do. ok before I go to sleep tonight I'm going to write down why I want to stop and how to remind myself when I'm feeling weak.

Our brains (at least mine) fry when Lust takes over and all the why's and hows go on vacation with all the grand Süshi recipes.  Any other ideas that you think may work?
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Re: I hope, I want, I will 29 Jan 2019 23:14 #338734

  • Issac
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Markz wrote:
Our brains (at least mine) fry when Lust takes over and all the why's and hows go on vacation with all the grand Süshi recipes.  Any other ideas that you think may work?

Good point, Maskim. Maybe
1) I"ll tell myself I"ll get a piece of chocolate very time I walk away to reinforce the positivity in an instant gratification kind of way.
2) Maybe I"ll do the taphsic method a bit with just the part of delaying (cuz i didn't like making a shavuah and then breaking it).
  What do other people think?

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 30 Jan 2019 00:49 #338738

  • ColinColin
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I like the chocolate idea.
Allow yourself a few squares of it.

Hunger can be a cause of falling.

With chocolate you can also introduce the Miztzvah of the brocha over the chocolate too.
Plus chocolate is enjoyable.
And has healthy micronutrients.

It gives you a good excuse to go to the shop and stock up on some Parev chocolate, make it Parev so that if you are "fleischig" when you get lust, there will be no problem with eating the chocolate.

Then set aside a book that you like.

After the chocolate, read some of the book. It will be a positive activity.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 31 Jan 2019 21:32 #338761

  • Issac
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Good news - I didn't let my fall get me down.
Other news - I fell.

OK. Thanx ColinColin. Good idea also that to read enjoyable book to "detox" afterwards. 
So now full steam. If I'm tempted and stop we get to party!

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 05 Feb 2019 20:29 #338809

  • Issac
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I found the eitzah!
Get busy.
    Day 6 Still clean B"h
I'm not working directly on this, instead I'm trying to work on my overall mood and productivity. Also, I just got more things on my plate (work-related) that I'm busy with. I know I can't hang my hat on counting on business and good feelings, so I'm still trying to work on other areas.
   I finished the first bar of chocolate. now I''l bl"n go buy another one I like.

Thanx Chevrah it's so helpful to share tzuzamen

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 05 Feb 2019 21:18 #338810

  • ColinColin
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That's it.

Monitor your mood on an hourly basis.
Be aware if you are low, and take positive action.
Be productive.
But make sure you relax too, because that is also productive.
Last Edit: 05 Feb 2019 21:18 by ColinColin.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 11 Feb 2019 04:01 #338894

  • Issac
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Shkoyach. 
harav collin - you're advice is invaluable

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 11 Feb 2019 04:03 #338895

  • Issac
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Day 12 - kosher
Super Busy 
  +
Letting imperfections go
  +
Awesome GYE chevra
  = 
Gevaldig!

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 22 Feb 2019 16:29 #339171

  • Issac
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Hello,
  I had a small fall about a week ago.
  B"H I'm back on track and still going strong.

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: I hope, I want, I will 22 Feb 2019 16:39 #339172

  • Tzvi5
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Try gaining intellect it helps a lot.
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