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90 days for the heavy addict...
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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.

TOPIC: 90 days for the heavy addict... 1835 Views

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Jan 2019 04:24 #338582

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Hakolhevel wrote on 22 Jan 2019 00:30:
Totally off topic, but I like your new Avatar.

And it should end with “...and a hydrometer to know the difference.”
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Jan 2019 04:43 #338585

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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 22 Jan 2019 04:24:

Hakolhevel wrote on 22 Jan 2019 00:30:
Totally off topic, but I like your new Avatar.

And it should end with “...and a hydrometer to know the difference.”

I'm to tired to go to the computer but I wo t be able to fall asleep but knowing what the heck a hydrometer is please explain 

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 23 Jan 2019 04:05 #338602

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EscapeArtist wrote on 21 Jan 2019 02:37:
Had an incident over Shabbos, my wife woke me up in middle of the night & (unintentionally) got me very aroused. I was about to pursue my dreams w/ her; & she's like "btw I just started staining..." ouch.
I was expecting to feel tremendous feelings of resentment towards her (as if it's her fault) & G-d, as has always been my immediate reaction, to be followed most likely with some sort of acting out as a form of "revenge". (#crazyaddictmindatwork).
But it didn't come. Instead my brain just reverted to the pattern I've been attempting to implement since joining SA... OK G-d, take care of this for me, I don't need s-x. I was shocked, to say the least. And excited. So excited that I couldn't fall back asleep for about another hour & a half...
I still don't know if I'm doing this "surrender" thing properly, but it's still pretty cool. I was expecting to be miserable when having to surrender myself to G-d, but instead I felt ecstatic & liberated that night.

Still not sure how to fit in השתדלות with all this "surrender" business... Am I allowed to take off my glasses when confronted with possible triggers, or is that breaking the rules, & believing that I can control myself? There probably are no real answers to this סוגיא...

Thank you everyone for your חיזוק! It is such a tremendous help, you should all be זוכה to so much הצלחה!  

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 23 Jan 2019 04:06 #338603

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EscapeArtist wrote on 21 Jan 2019 16:54:

lionking wrote:
I would suggest not to take off the glasses for the wife. Hard to explain to her that she is sometimes a trigger.


Thanks for the laugh Simba.

For some strange reason, (-& not bec. she aint pretty) it's easiest to "surrender" & all that only when it comes to the wife... I wish I knew how to tap in to all that spirituality when faced with all the other half-decent looking members of the opposite gender on this planet...

yeah, I know מים גנובים ימתקו... but I thought I was kinda gettiing this under control till I headed back to work this morning...

ain't no rest for the weary I suppose

I think they call this "cross-talk" in SA....

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 25 Jan 2019 02:52 #338655

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So I'm told this ain't gonna get easier till I figure out how to "humanize" women, & stop viewing them as nice-looking "objects". Sounds like a great idea, but it would certainly be easier if they weren't so nice-looking!
How do you start humanizing women, after 25+ years of "objectifying" them?
One brilliant idea I heard was to daven for them. I Be"H will try that. (Maybe if I daven hard enough, they'll get pregnant and be a bit less nice-looking...)
If anyone has any good practical suggestions, please send them my way, they'll be greatly appreciated!
Tizku l'mitzvos!

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 26 Jan 2019 23:06 #338667

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My suggestion is to talk with women with whom you are not attracted.
About things of mutual interest.
Respect their knowledge and intellect.

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 27 Jan 2019 03:46 #338668

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ColinColin wrote on 26 Jan 2019 23:06:
My suggestion is to talk with women with whom you are not attracted.
About things of mutual interest.
Respect their knowledge and intellect.

... and develop a newfound lust for them...

No, the mind will lead you in only one direction.

R' Avigdor Miller zt'l said, if you learn Mesilas Yeshorim with a girl, it is like learning playboy with her... (he actually used the word, moderator)

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 06 Feb 2019 19:14 #338834

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Hi again!
Just got back from an amazing trip to EY B"H. I got to the koisel, ripped my shirt & said the 3rd step prayer... I musta looked pretty funny with most others holding a tehillim & me with my big book of AA...
I was doing pretty well there, for my standards, till I found myself accidentally alone with a huge Nisayon. I almost blew everything without even thinking, but managed to pull myself out before breaking any of the "book rules" of sobriety. Once the lust was ignited though, I kept trying to get myself back in that situation so I can "finish the job", while at the same time praying fervently to Hashem that it wouldn't work out... Thank G-d it didn't.
It's been much harder to behave since then, but ברוך ה still holding strong. Trying to use it as a reminder that I can't control myself, & I need Hashem to get me outta this. Also, it helps to have my memory refreshed of how insane my life becomes when I have to constantly fight lust, I'm now taking this into account every time I feel like acting out.
Thanks for letting me share!
הצלחה all.

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 08 Feb 2019 04:01 #338865

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Hi again chevra
I mentioned this Nisayon I had last Friday night. I posted about it on SAnet and basically everyone there tells me it calls for restarting my sobriety count, as I became overwhelmed with lust till I couldn't control myself anymore. Basically, I violated some private property but pulled out before getting too deep. The following morning I knew there was no chance I'd make it out the front door without blowing everything, so I woke up my wife and relieved myself through her instead (neither of us were too thrilled with that).
So I figured it's kinda gray area. Acc. to GYE rules I believe I'm still "kosher"; though acc. to SA  it may have been a relapse. I'll discuss it at my next live meeting BeH. Not sure if there's a point in keeping 2 different numbers. Not looking to fool myself, but having a decent number certainly helps with the average yetzer haros...
Any wise thoughts on the matter are most welcome, Thanks!

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 12 Feb 2019 16:23 #338922

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HeEveRyoNE  I'stILL (hic) SObER
(and have too much time on my hands apparently)
Stuck home from work today with sick baby. Got that "bittersweet" feeling that I'm in recovery mode. Got a new laptop somewhere (my wife hid it until i have time to filter it) & it doesn't even tempt me to search for it. A bit scary. I guess I know how lousy I'll feel if I did find it & use it inappropriately. Or maybe I'm just a tzaddik... (hic)
I unsubscribed to SAnet, way too many bitter people on there. I'm on the Jewish group now, I got like a million welcomes the day i signed up. I also finally got myself a sponsor so I can stop groping around in the darkness trying to get up these 12 steps. I warned him I'm gonna have lots of annoying questions... he has no idea what he's in for


אַ פְרַיילִכֶען אַדָר

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 14 Feb 2019 04:20 #338958

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"scientific studies say that after 50 days all the wiring in your brain changes and you never ever ever feel like lusting again...and you start enjoying the rebbetzin's cholent... and you start speaking pig latin..." uh huh.

I picked up my kids from Yeshiva today, & for some unknown reason to mankind, I let my mind wander a bit too far in regards to a pretty מורה there. Ignited that frustrating tingling in the lower abdomen & brought up all these lousy feelings that tend to hang around us addicts...

After a couple of hours i had enough & figured I may as well try this SA trick & daven for help (אַ גרוֹיסע חידוש); so I asked 'ה (out loud) to take away my desire for this woman. While I was saying that I was thinking how it would make a great story to share at SA tonight & I'll just make up that it worked. Well then my skeptical brain had to think about her one more time just to prove that it didn't work... but lo & behold, the tingling was gone, along w/ all those lousy feelings! I tell you, there's what to be said about this prayer business... !הודו לה' כי טוב

I should try davening for the cholent...

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 20 Feb 2019 06:07 #339091

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It's a miracle folks...
My wife went to sleep early & I stayed up till 1AM to get work done...
& all I did was get work done!!!!
(& fotz around GYE but hey that's kinda "work" too...)

A real נס for פורים קטן!
 ... ה' העלית מן שאול נפשי

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 05:08 #339157

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What a day...
Most of the day I felt on top of the world...
Satisfied with my family...
Satisfied with my job...
Mostly, satisfied with my growth in the area of lust!
I felt like I've somewhat come to terms with my addiction, accepted the fact that I'm gonna get triggered slightly here & there, but that's just me, & I'm asking the אייבישטער to deal with it for me. Felt like I knew that these triggers wouldn't be enough to send me to act out ח"ו, just that they're annoying feelings to contend with...
...
...then I stepped out my front door to go to Maariv, & it hit me that there may be a rare opportunity for a small chance at a specific תאוה I used to "enjoy"...

...in an instant, all those proud feelings were gone. All I could think of was "the h-ck with everything, w/ my sobriety, w/ my streak, w/ my freedom... I NEEEEEEEED this!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nevermind that the chances of actually finding what I was looking for were slim, & the chances that this wasn't really as golden an opportunity as I thought were quite high. Nevermind I can get in trouble... lose that job & that family...
...tried rapidly praying in my head for Hashem to magically make this urge disappear, as I took a few steps towards גיהנום...didn't work... I didn't really want it to...
 Finally my brain kicked in somewhat, & said "Hey you [censored], there's no way you can deal with this on your own, call for help NOW!" Tried calling my הייליגער sponsor, he didn't pick up. I desperately called another friend from SA (hey צדיק I know you're reading this), who picked up & heard me out. He didn't judge me, didn't make fun of my insane urges, he just thanked me for sharing my struggle at this crucial moment. He reminded me that I have this higher power who understands exactly how hard this is for me, & that he's right here to take it from me if I want. We prayed a bit together (-even more awkward than sharing the details of the struggle...) & hung up.
It didn't take the urge away, but I felt for the moment able to withstand it.
I went back home & said a tear-filled מזמור שיר חנוכת הבית (- I feel like that kappitel was tailor-made for 12-steppers...), trying to envision myself at the כותל just a few weeks ago saying the same kappitel. I went to a later Maariv, davened a fairly decent  שמונה עשרה, & asked Hashem, with a little more sincerity this time, to help me thru this. When I got back in the car, the insane urge was gone, at least for the moment.
...and here I am, alive to tell the story!
ואני אמרתי בשלוי בל אמוט לעולם - I thought things were fine, I'm doing great, I'm done with this lust business...
ה' ברצונך העמדת להררי עוז - nope. It's only by Hashem's grace that I manage to stay sober... (עיין Praise, my soul - R' Avigdor Miller זצ"ל)

...one day at a time...

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 05:28 #339158

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A beautiful post, thanks for writing and sharing.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: 90 days for the heavy addict... 22 Feb 2019 08:20 #339160

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EscapeArtist wrote on 22 Feb 2019 05:08:
What a day...
Most of the day I felt on top of the world...
Satisfied with my family...
Satisfied with my job...
Mostly, satisfied with my growth in the area of lust!
I felt like I've somewhat come to terms with my addiction, accepted the fact that I'm gonna get triggered slightly here & there, but that's just me, & I'm asking the אייבישטער to deal with it for me. Felt like I knew that these triggers wouldn't be enough to send me to act out ח"ו, just that they're annoying feelings to contend with...
...
...then I stepped out my front door to go to Maariv, & it hit me that there may be a rare opportunity for a small chance at a specific תאוה I used to "enjoy"...

...in an instant, all those proud feelings were gone. All I could think of was "the h-ck with everything, w/ my sobriety, w/ my streak, w/ my freedom... I NEEEEEEEED this!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nevermind that the chances of actually finding what I was looking for were slim, & the chances that this wasn't really as golden an opportunity as I thought were quite high. Nevermind I can get in trouble... lose that job & that family...
...tried rapidly praying in my head for Hashem to magically make this urge disappear, as I took a few steps towards גיהנום...didn't work... I didn't really want it to...
 Finally my brain kicked in somewhat, & said "Hey you [censored], there's no way you can deal with this on your own, call for help NOW!" Tried calling my הייליגער sponsor, he didn't pick up. I desperately called another friend from SA (hey צדיק I know you're reading this), who picked up & heard me out. He didn't judge me, didn't make fun of my insane urges, he just thanked me for sharing my struggle at this crucial moment. He reminded me that I have this higher power who understands exactly how hard this is for me, & that he's right here to take it from me if I want. We prayed a bit together (-even more awkward than sharing the details of the struggle...) & hung up.
It didn't take the urge away, but I felt for the moment able to withstand it.
I went back home & said a tear-filled מזמור שיר חנוכת הבית (- I feel like that kappitel was tailor-made for 12-steppers...), trying to envision myself at the כותל just a few weeks ago saying the same kappitel. I went to a later Maariv, davened a fairly decent  שמונה עשרה, & asked Hashem, with a little more sincerity this time, to help me thru this. When I got back in the car, the insane urge was gone, at least for the moment.
...and here I am, alive to tell the story!
ואני אמרתי בשלוי בל אמוט לעולם - I thought things were fine, I'm doing great, I'm done with this lust business...
ה' ברצונך העמדת להררי עוז - nope. It's only by Hashem's grace that I manage to stay sober... (עיין Praise, my soul - R' Avigdor Miller זצ"ל)

...one day at a time...

Thank you for sharing.
We're here for you.
Sounds like a success story; painful but successful.
I can relate to:
1. "opportunity triggers"
2. the feeling that I need this
3. total disregard for the risk of losing everything in your life
Hang in there!
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