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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.
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TOPIC: Journal 635 Views

Re: Journal 03 Jan 2019 16:19 #338180

  • Fighton613
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Also i was successful in not being phone into bed last night although the fact that my phone is locked up past 11 helps a lot but just creating a habit of not bringing a phone into bed at all is what I’m trying to do. For example washing with a cup after using the bathroom was something I never did ... one year I started and I was on and off. Till I decided let me do it for 3 days then 6 then it just became my routine. There’s a solution to every problem that’s my motto, the solution for me is to completely remove myself to the traps I was always around and to build my weapons to fight him.

one thing I want to emphasize is : praying does sooooo much for me. So this is almost something we all need to do no matter what.

Re: Journal 03 Jan 2019 16:29 #338181

  • Fighton613
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My motivation for the day: win for myself- I’ve been shakeled way too long. Giving in to him with out even thinking is really not like me. Win for my wife and kids- they deserve a husband and a father that can love them and treat them even better than he does now. There’s no question that as long as I’m in his prison that I’m being limited of the potential I have with accomplishing so much in this world. Win for hashem who gives me and my family health and protects us on a daily basis all so that we can strive to be the best versions of ourselves.

Also control what I think and see Bec every second I were to let him in my head will make it so much harder for me to fight so why make it harder for me later when I can stop him from entering to begin with now.

Ok I’m finished talking lol... I hope we all have an amazing powerful day!!

Re: Journal 04 Jan 2019 15:26 #338206

  • Fighton613
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Gm guys, today is day 4. 
A summary of yesterday... I had two situations where I was just sitting waiting to Daven and all of a sudden an inappropriate thought randomly creeped up my head. I stopped- squashed the thought and then asked myself “why and how did this even happen”? It’s not like I just saw something or went fishing for dirty thoughts it was totally random? So idk for sure but I told myself it had to be the y”h. He’s chalashing to get me to fall that hell do what even he can to get the ball rolling. Anyways my day bh was a succes in this battle and I won yesterday. 
I did though have my phone in bed to just go through some of my chats that I didn’t get to go through but then put away my phone when deciding to go to bed. 

Bh today is a shorter day so it’s a drop easier however afc I started to feel the withdrawal effects a little today. The reason is Bec im having a huge exam coming up so I’m home studying and just being home alone in the past was never a good thing. So I sat myself and said listen you can’t continue like this and always act when ur home alone... so I went on to the forum and started to read what people had to write and it just killed my whole buzz and I’m back in control. I never liked staying home Bec it always got to me but not today ( I normally should avoid these situations but today is a short day and hard to go to a public place and study) 
my motviatin for today is that I’m looking at just today and what I need to do to get through today so that my addiction can be weakened and enable me to feel proud of myself and not to feel like I’m ungrateful for having a lovely wife and kids. That really bothers me, I’m expected to lead by example for my family ... they look up to me so I gotta be strong and do wtvr it takes to get through today. 
No need to think of ways how to bypass the gedarim Bec there’s no way! I’m not interested in shelling out 150$ again when I’m not the richest person by far. 
Ok im better now... ty guys for listening. Good shabbos 

Re: Journal 06 Jan 2019 04:46 #338227

  • Hashem Help Me
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Regarding the thoughts while you were waiting for davening, be aware that your subconscious mind will try during any time that it is "in charge" (sllep, space out time) to dredge up these images in order to get it's fix. Ignore it completely and definitely don't get upset about it. It will slowly recede iyh. The focus presently is to feel positively about yourself and to stay in control of your conscious decisions. Hatzlocha. Keep up the good work.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Journal 07 Jan 2019 15:15 #338261

  • Fighton613
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Gm and chodesh tov guys!
im sorry didn’t get a chance to post over the weekend but Bh still clean!!
summary: over shabbas bh I don’t recall any crazy urges needing squashing... though I heard an unfortunate story of a couple going through a split Bec of a related problem to lust ( apparently it was a little deeper than just lust and viewing inappropriate things) they even have a little girl. I was heartbroken by it and felt so bad for them. But it served as an added awakening that u must get this fixed. It’s not fair to my wife and kids. I have to stop thinking abt my needs and start thinking abt others all the more so my wife and children. So comes motzei Shabas and I’m like bring it on. I mentally prepared myself with the awareness of my taphsic and how much I’ve paid up and that I no longer want to use OUR money ( me and my wife) since it’s not right to take care of my needs at the expense of someone else. What was crazy was when I went to sleep I had crazy urge to just think abt shmootz but I said I’m closing my eyes and hopefully I’ll fall asleep. And Bh hashem helped with that and I did! 
Sunday Bh was also a success although I didn’t write I was constantly thinking abt the battle.. in praying and overall thinking. 

Todays strategy: keep busy , pray to hashem , squash for a zechus that I can pass my big tests coming up this week, read the handbook even a little.
morivation: my wife and kids- they are my life of anything chas veshalom would happen to them I don’t know what I’d do. So focus on just today and any possible pitfalls and avoid them ahead of time. Like today is study day for me. In the past I would get in the MOOD but not anymore.. I have an ongoing battle that requires my full attention and head on thinking cap on. Bh today will be a successful day even though I woke up late and missed my Seder we starting fresh from now . Look to accomplish every minute I have and ALWAYS think before I act no matter what the situation is not just lust anything - this serves as a way to create a habit Of thinking all the time - “ what am I doing now” is it productive ? Even if I’m taking a break and just relaxing is this a healthy form of relaxation ? 
Have a great day guys!

Re: Journal 16 Jan 2019 14:41 #338491

  • Fighton613
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Gm guys!!
the following was written 2 days ago but couldn’t post it Bec no service.
I’m really upset at myself for not posting on this forum more often but I’m back bh. Bh I’m 14 days clean but I have a confession. Last night I “bent” but didn’t break and honestly it’s all thanks to hashem. My wife had a wedding last night and I was home. Afcourse I felt an urge... so I tried distracting myself with cleaning the house for my wife and distracting myself with sports... but then I said let me watch a tvshow ... for those of u who don’t know I have stopped watching for almost 3 months just because I knew it’s really a waste of time and between that and sports I chose to still keep up with sports.

So i started watching and weirdly I didn’t enjoy it anymore ! But the down side to taht was I started to fish for garbage. However my filter is suppose to be top notch... and wasn’t having succes I’m finding anything . Then I found a site that wasn’t fully blocked ( I don’t know why because I’m pretty sure it’s usually blocked by the filtering configuration ) and there were inappropriate videos. I viewed some but wasn’t getting anywhere to the satisfaction I have gotten in the past. I even got that feeling like this is ert why waste my streak on this. And suddenly I randomly dozed off for like 4 min. When I woke up I’m like screw this.. I shut off the computer and that was it! Now as proud as I am of my will to stop myself it’s not me, it’s all hashem helping me.

Now that I removed myself I realized what allowed me to get to this point was not being involved in writing and reading and even listening to the small clips... those are ways to be involved and realize the daily battle I must go through against the satan. The taphsic method didn’t help Bec I didn’t want to think abt it or think abt getting in the forum when I knew that if I would it would snap me out of it. However if I am to be involved every day then that has been enough to keep my cognizant of my situation.

The y”h doesn’t want us to think.. and he accomplished that by getting me to be content and think that I’m on a roll. I now have to be aware that I can’t get content Bec that’s another one of his many tactics to get me to fall into his trap.

Nice try but I got hashem and won’t give up!! Neither should anyone else

Re: Journal 16 Jan 2019 14:51 #338493

  • Fighton613
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Gm guys!! Bh I’m still clean but it’s getting very hard. So last night I really needed to relieve myself and act out but didn’t. I had a shmutzy few seconds dream and my urge got even worse. I woke up at 540 and didn’t get out of bed due to what I believe is tiredness.. once I didn’t get up I went on my phone and started to fish... like I needed it badly. Unfortunately I hadn’t block the website that hasn’t been filtered and I started fishing on that website. i didn’t really pay attention to any of the garbage on the website... I needed something good and wasn’t wasting my money on dumb video. Then I found one . I was about to click on it and I stopped myself and said u don’t really want todo this.. u won up to now don’t give in.. don’t start your day like this.. if u want do it tonight ... then I just stopped myself and got out of bed!! I then went and locked the website and added to my filter and I said sinaraa. 
I know why this got hard for me. 
I haven’t been involved in reading and writing on forums that when it inevitably gets harder I forget how to handle it . Bh I’m gonna try to keep up with the GYE site as best as I can. 
Strategy: 
i have the taphsic method till 1/28
no phones in bed at night.
swuash any thoughts or views lezechut that my children can have an extra boost and wtvr challenge they may face. 
I hope we all have a strong and successful day! 

Re: Journal 28 Jan 2019 13:22 #338696

  • Fighton613
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Good morning guys... I haven’t been posting and I had gotten content aka didn’t treat each day as a new battle and I pretty much stopped what was working so well for me and acted out after 25 days. This was my longest streak of my life so I’m proud of that but it’s brutal after the fact that I know what will work for me but I can still get content. And then 3days later I fell again - I was just all over the place which led me to falling again.
i began feeling so terrible but then told myself  that that won’t help me. I gotta get back on the horse and apply what I know works for me. 
So here’s my bh gameplan to get to 90.
1) write every day on the forum abt today’s battle even if no one answers - this is for my psyche as well.
2) each day go through the GYE handbook 
3) no phones in bed 
4) squash any thoughts or views for the merit of my children to be able to have extra power in their battles
5) try to speak to a partner evry day briefly for a min or two keeping me accountable to remember that I’m in a battle.

Re: Journal 01 Feb 2019 21:01 #338777

  • Fighton613
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Hey guys so I’m still clean and have taken the next step in talking it out with someone and trying to speak every day for a few min just to keep my mind on the battle at hand. I have filters on all devices and plan on advancing the filtering on Sunday. Understanding what we’re up against and that it’s all in my head is something I hope to work on Bh .. I’ve been sick the past 3days so I’ve been off my game and routine but hopefully I can get back on the thinking mode. During the past few days of me not feeling well I watched a tv show ... I haven’t watched in a few months but I felt ugh afterwards like I just wasted my time so I’m proud of even having that feeling and not needing to watch and just waste time. Bh I can build on this weeks work and be even more engaged next week. Hopefully i can push myself to write on a daily basis next week as well. 
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