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Starting over again, seriously
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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.

TOPIC: Starting over again, seriously 1416 Views

Re: Starting over again, seriously 04 Jan 2019 04:09 #338194

  • EscapeArtist
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I agree 100%, everything is much simpler when wife is a niddah; both in terms of not having to deal with "kosher arousal", and also the whole real s-x vs. addict s-x frustration; for all those in that סוגיא...
Keep it up! Watching you stay strong gives the rest of us the push to stay strong!

Re: Starting over again, seriously 04 Jan 2019 05:21 #338197

  • Hashem Help Me
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Maybe the focus of the bedroom needs to be changed a bit. Just suggesting.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting over again, seriously 04 Jan 2019 13:19 #338201

  • Thistimeillwin
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Jan 2019 05:21:
Maybe the focus of the bedroom needs to be changed a bit. Just suggesting.

I don't want to sound like I'm justifying myself, but I think the focus of the bedroom is quite healthy.  I would not go into details here but the physical and emotional are withing bounds, and there is tremendous emotional bonding for both of us in the act. But if an alcoholic would drink arba kosos with every l'shem yichud and proper kavana, he would still be triggered by the alcohol in his system.  Problem is, there's no grape juice in the bedroom.

Re: Starting over again, seriously 04 Jan 2019 13:46 #338202

  • Hashem Help Me
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You have every right to justify yourself! And you have no NEED to justify yourself, but we appreciate your doing so, because a post like yours is important for others to see. Continued hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting over again, seriously 06 Jan 2019 12:05 #338230

  • Thistimeillwin
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Day 19.  Starting to slip a little, help!!
Viewed inappropriate (but not porn) pictures for a couple of minutes before stopping.  Didn't get physically aroused, but obviously wandered there to 'feed the monster.' No good excuse...
My first clean streak on this site (and for years) was 22 days.  I want this one to be forever, but at least I need to reach the short-term goal of beating the last record, then we'll set the bar higher...

Re: Starting over again, seriously 06 Jan 2019 13:13 #338232

  • stillgoing
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Thistimeillwin wrote on 06 Jan 2019 12:05:
Day 19.  Starting to slip a little, help!!
Viewed inappropriate (but not porn) pictures for a couple of minutes before stopping.  Didn't get physically aroused, but obviously wandered there to 'feed the monster.' No good excuse...
My first clean streak on this site (and for years) was 22 days.  I want this one to be forever, but at least I need to reach the short-term goal of beating the last record, then we'll set the bar higher...

Hang in there Timeillwin. Thanks for posting during the struggle. It's a chizuk to others too.  I want 'this one' to be forever too, but that's not in my control, so I stopped thinking about it.  Today it is in my control to reach out like you are doing, (do you have anyone real to talk to?), and to commit that no matter how high or low I'm feeling, I'll keep going.

Kot
Sg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: Starting over again, seriously 07 Jan 2019 21:56 #338280

  • Thistimeillwin
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Day 20.  Yesterday had a couple of slips, today I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.  Today it's just ta'ava, no other stress to excuse it on, so I will tell the Yetzer Horo NOBODY INVITED YOU TODAY!!
Just broke the ice and spoke to a human being (someone from GYE who reached out), last time I spoke with someone about my problem was 25 years ago in mesivta...
Now I have to leave office, no chance to sin!!

Re: Starting over again, seriously 11 Jan 2019 17:00 #338391

  • Thistimeillwin
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Day 24.  This week I had some serious struggles, but I made it through with minimal injuries!! (there's not much opportunity for me between now and Sunday morning, however אין אפוטרופוס לעריות)

The give-and-take of the forum has helped me immensely in hearing, expressing, and sharing the struggle with others.  It also is the replacement for my illicit activity.  In the past every couple of hours of intense work would be followed by a break for 'extra-curricular activities' online, now when I get the urge I just log onto GYE.

Also this week I finally had the courage to respond to a request from a fellow GYEer to call him and speak to a real person anonymously.  I'm still building up the courage to call my rebbi from decades ago, the only one who knew I had a problem then.

Rabboisai, there is a segulah to get Maftir this week אל תירא עבדי יעקב for a tikkun for z"l, I try to get it every year.  But the tikkun of GYE is to me way more meaningful (I know I sound like a real Litvak, sorry to all you chassidim, sefardim and mekubolim).

Yes, I've been into everything holy when I was younger, chassiddishe sforim, sefardi sforim, kabbalah, and litvishe lomdus, but as the years went on and I felt more tomey, I dropped out of most of it and keep only a couple of hours of simple learning a day.  I hope that as time goes by in the program and I fell a little more 'pure,' I will have the drive to get back to all the hiddurim, dikdukei mitzvos and sedorim I once had.  Life is somewhat hollow now, having been filled up with hevel and tumah for so long.

I've considered doing it the other way around, get back into things, and let it push away the darkness, but I didn't feel my heart was into it.  It was becoming more of a burden, and I felt extremely hypocritical being such a medakdek in front of others while wallowing in filth daily.  I didn't have the drive to keep up all these practices, and every time I started, I stopped again quickly.  Maybe Stockholm Syndrome...

I already feel like a much better person the past few weeks; as I walk among people I know I am fighting a secret war, and I am a soldier of Hashem.  When I present Him with some more conquests, and feel less like a traitor, I hope I will be able to serve Him better in more ways.

Gut Shabbos to all!

Re: Starting over again, seriously 11 Jan 2019 18:42 #338393

  • Hakolhevel
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From dov's preface to his most recent conference calls on derech yashar.

All the truth is in the Torah - and the tzadikim knew where to find it. But we addicts just couldn't get it from a sefer. We need an approach similar to 'Torah Shebal Peh' - a group of other recovering people who are actually putting these ideas intoaction in their own lives. As chaza"l say: "gedola shimusha yoser milimuda". Later, we often discover those same truths again in seforim which were waiting for us all along. This sefer is a perfect example of this and turns some common conceptions in avodas Hashem on their heads. It's not just another philosophical sefer that speaks only to the mind; Derech Emess shows us how to surrender desire in a realistic way and speaks to the heart.It bravely and squarely addresses inner motives, strengths and weaknesses in a positive way. "

Re: Starting over again, seriously 11 Jan 2019 20:00 #338394

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Thistime, looks like you will be a leader in this GYE revolution pretty soon.... What a post!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Starting over again, seriously 13 Jan 2019 23:25 #338417

  • Thistimeillwin
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Day 26. Starting to slip, starting to lose control. Morning - slip! Afternoon - slip, slip! I better catch myself fully before I fall completely.

Re: Starting over again, seriously 14 Jan 2019 00:27 #338418

  • ColinColin
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If you can feel yourself falling, schedule lots of meetings with friends and lots of group social activities.
Try not to be alone much.

Re: Starting over again, seriously 14 Jan 2019 01:39 #338427

  • lionking
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Thistimeillwin wrote on 13 Jan 2019 23:25:
Day 26. Starting to slip, starting to lose control. Morning - slip! Afternoon - slip, slip! I better catch myself fully before I fall completely.

Without being too graphic, can you explain what you call slipping? 
Sometimes the YH wants us to think we are slipping, when in reality it isn't a big deal, so that he gets us to give up and fall.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Starting over again, seriously 14 Jan 2019 01:52 #338428

  • Thistimeillwin
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lionking wrote on 14 Jan 2019 01:39:
Without being too graphic, can you explain what you call slipping? 
Sometimes the YH wants us to think we are slipping, when in reality it isn't a big deal, so that he gets us to give up and fall.

I've wandered on the computer to see some sights and read some things which, although not to the level of porn, were definitely not what we would like to see our children viewing.  I was a bit aroused, and lusting for more.

This was the slippery slope that led to my last fall.  It isn't the YH getting me to give up on something not such a big deal.  It's more like a buildup of arousal that gets to be more of a nisayon than I can handle.  The failure of the nisayon is getting to that point.

Combined with high work stress, no time for other outlets like exercise, and some unavoidable triggers, I'm a ticking time bomb; I hope I can defuse it in time!

Re: Starting over again, seriously 14 Jan 2019 04:04 #338431

  • lionking
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Thanks for clarifying. Yeah, I would consider that slipping too.

There was someone a while back, who was so obsessed over, if he looked out of his daled amos, and if he peeked at a woman, that ended up falling constantly because he is a loser anyways. I just wanted to make sure you're not that type.

I have come to realize that I cannot stand a chance in a semi state of arousal. I need to prevent reaching that stage.

I can try to call the bomb squad for you, or you can give you some tips I learned in IED diffusing school. Don't act rash. Step back and assess the bigger picture.

I can identify with this feeling of high stress being a trigger. For me trying to avoid going on these sites only exacerbated the problem. I needed to try to find kosher forms of relaxation or stress relief instead.

Wishing you much Hatzlocha.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com
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