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This is going to be the time I get to 90!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 31896 Views

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 16 Jan 2020 15:14 #346747

  • DavidT
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Realestatemogul wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:38:

To answer David T, I actually find it discouraging sometimes seeing how many people are successful on GYE. It isn't as exciting to post about failing every day. What I want people to take away from my forum thread is that if they are giving it their best, even if their count is low, then they are succeeding in incredible ways! Every time GYE members get back up they are that much closer to getting Siyata Dishmaya to finally break free. 

Anyone who created an account and is on GYE has already succeeded tremendously and I wish everyone continued V'kam, V'kam, V'kam. 

Thank you for this interesting point of view. I want to clarify 2 points:
1- When I said "It's so amazing when we see people actually breaking free and succeeding" I should have been more specific what succeeding means... Having a low count does not point to failure at all. I agree 100% that even the slightest effort to be strong in a major success!
2- It's still important that the goal (for most people) should be to become fully clean... The way to get there varies for each person based on many factors. 
3- The words you wrote "Anyone who created an account and is on GYE has already succeeded tremendously" is 1001% true, thank you so much for your amazing post and may you have continued Siyata Dismaya and Hatzlacha!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 16 Jan 2020 18:28 #346757

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Realestatemogul wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:38:

pickamoniker wrote on 15 Jan 2020 09:41:
Wow REM

Sounds amazing. Are you doing anything in particular / different to help you along the way. I'm finding things a real drag right now and would love to hear anything you can share.

Hey Pickamoniker! Good to hear from you. 

Lol, I'm not sure why you think things aren't a drag for me right now also. This past week or two I have been tempted several times to just give in. I just spent a day or two in places that I am more vulnerable to seeing people dressed less appropriately. I have been tired, lazy, and bored which are terrible states to be in with this challenge. They have an acronym - HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) for things that we need to be mindful of that may be moods we are easily triggered in. 

But that's is what life is really about.

My success is two fold.

One - After many many many conversation with Hashem Help ME, I finally understood what he kept telling me about giving up P#@n irrespective of my mzl streak. So I did that and spent a few weeks recovering. When I say recovering, I mean that my commitment to giving up P@#n made it overbearing for me not to be mzl and I kind of told myself it was okay. Obviously, that isn't the right thing to do but I had listened to my y''h WAY too long about being all or nothing. B''h after a few weeks I finally came around to myself and decided I needed a strong commitment to stay clean from mzl. You can look back at my forum thread and you will see this struggle with me barely getting a week streak at points...sometimes I couldn't even hold a day. This streak I am on is from that decision to commit to getting back on a serious streak.

Two- After many years of being depressed from acting out, I finally appreciated and realized that depressed feelings from doing something bad is one of the yetzer hara's biggest tricks. Anything that is an emotional downer and ONLY relates to the past is NOT PRODUCTIVE. Now, if you ask me about Teshuva and Charata that is different. Tshuva is about doing something going forward not being depressed about what you did. Charata also is only regretting that you did something hurtful to your relationship with Hashem. If you wrong a friend, you aren't depressed about it, you just feel saddened or pained that you did something to someone you care about and you want to make it up to them. I guess this is kinda of also a certain acceptance on my part. "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." -Carl Rogers. In the past two years or so I have come to recognize that Hashem made us all different, but he didn't make ANY of us perfect. If we didn't have challenges we wouldn't need to be here and we could be malachim who served Hashem without difficulty, but also not getting the reward we get. Once I had accepted that Hashem gave me this struggle to work on and stopped getting as depressed when I failed, I have now been able to just work on doing my best at this challenge - because that is all Hashem wants from us - to give it our best! If I fail and I gave it my best, than I am totally okay with that. I know that If I continue working on it eventually Hashem will let me succeed. "Sheva yipol tzadik v'kam" B''h I have fallen several times and got up and that is the secret to success. 

So in short, I am saying that it is tough, but that's okay. It is hard and we just need to accept that we need to do our best and keep going. Pickamoniker you have done absolutely incredible stuff and have been inspiration to everyone on GYE. All you gotta do is decide that this is something you really want, accept that it may be tough sometimes, realize that it is only tough in the moment not after it passes, and keep on giving it your best!

To answer David T, I actually find it discouraging sometimes seeing how many people are successful on GYE. It isn't as exciting to post about failing every day. What I want people to take away from my forum thread is that if they are giving it their best, even if their count is low, then they are succeeding in incredible ways! Every time GYE members get back up they are that much closer to getting Siyata Dishmaya to finally break free. 

Anyone who created an account and is on GYE has already succeeded tremendously and I wish everyone continued V'kam, V'kam, V'kam. 

This post is golden!

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 16 Jan 2020 22:59 #346766

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Realestatemogul wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:38:

pickamoniker wrote on 15 Jan 2020 09:41:
Wow REM

Sounds amazing. Are you doing anything in particular / different to help you along the way. I'm finding things a real drag right now and would love to hear anything you can share.

Hey Pickamoniker! Good to hear from you. 

Lol, I'm not sure why you think things aren't a drag for me right now also. This past week or two I have been tempted several times to just give in. I just spent a day or two in places that I am more vulnerable to seeing people dressed less appropriately. I have been tired, lazy, and bored which are terrible states to be in with this challenge. They have an acronym - HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) for things that we need to be mindful of that may be moods we are easily triggered in. 

But that's is what life is really about.

My success is two fold.

One - After many many many conversation with Hashem Help ME, I finally understood what he kept telling me about giving up P#@n irrespective of my mzl streak. So I did that and spent a few weeks recovering. When I say recovering, I mean that my commitment to giving up P@#n made it overbearing for me not to be mzl and I kind of told myself it was okay. Obviously, that isn't the right thing to do but I had listened to my y''h WAY too long about being all or nothing. B''h after a few weeks I finally came around to myself and decided I needed a strong commitment to stay clean from mzl. You can look back at my forum thread and you will see this struggle with me barely getting a week streak at points...sometimes I couldn't even hold a day. This streak I am on is from that decision to commit to getting back on a serious streak.

Two- After many years of being depressed from acting out, I finally appreciated and realized that depressed feelings from doing something bad is one of the yetzer hara's biggest tricks. Anything that is an emotional downer and ONLY relates to the past is NOT PRODUCTIVE. Now, if you ask me about Teshuva and Charata that is different. Tshuva is about doing something going forward not being depressed about what you did. Charata also is only regretting that you did something hurtful to your relationship with Hashem. If you wrong a friend, you aren't depressed about it, you just feel saddened or pained that you did something to someone you care about and you want to make it up to them. I guess this is kinda of also a certain acceptance on my part. "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." -Carl Rogers. In the past two years or so I have come to recognize that Hashem made us all different, but he didn't make ANY of us perfect. If we didn't have challenges we wouldn't need to be here and we could be malachim who served Hashem without difficulty, but also not getting the reward we get. Once I had accepted that Hashem gave me this struggle to work on and stopped getting as depressed when I failed, I have now been able to just work on doing my best at this challenge - because that is all Hashem wants from us - to give it our best! If I fail and I gave it my best, than I am totally okay with that. I know that If I continue working on it eventually Hashem will let me succeed. "Sheva yipol tzadik v'kam" B''h I have fallen several times and got up and that is the secret to success. 

So in short, I am saying that it is tough, but that's okay. It is hard and we just need to accept that we need to do our best and keep going. Pickamoniker you have done absolutely incredible stuff and have been inspiration to everyone on GYE. All you gotta do is decide that this is something you really want, accept that it may be tough sometimes, realize that it is only tough in the moment not after it passes, and keep on giving it your best!

To answer David T, I actually find it discouraging sometimes seeing how many people are successful on GYE. It isn't as exciting to post about failing every day. What I want people to take away from my forum thread is that if they are giving it their best, even if their count is low, then they are succeeding in incredible ways! Every time GYE members get back up they are that much closer to getting Siyata Dishmaya to finally break free. 

Anyone who created an account and is on GYE has already succeeded tremendously and I wish everyone continued V'kam, V'kam, V'kam. 

Amazing post! Thank you!
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 17 Jan 2020 05:53 #346780

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Thank you all for the feedback and support! 

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 18 Jan 2020 22:28 #346790

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Hey! Just read most of this entire thread. It really inspiring and I thank you guys for being active on GYE. I’ve been popping my head into gye for almost a decade and I’m still struggling. For me it’s come down to not putting my recovery as priority #1. I’m afraid of the wrong things.



Unfortunately my marriage is pretty much over and my two beautiful kids are going to have to go through so much suffering if I don’t pull myself together.



I wonder why I don’t realize that the pain of not stopping is worse than all the pain it takes stopping.



Something I noticed while reading the thread is the fear of after 90. It’s almost like going 90 is manageable and exciting but to stop forever is unthinkable and not even desired. You mean I should be aware of my actions, triggers, feelings and responses for my whole life? While one day at a time is obviously crucial (it allows for the test to be manageable) I think the goal is to be a changed person and to do that you can’t learn all of shas in depth and want to sleep 9 hours a night. It’s crucial to 100 percent let go of what porn and masturbating offered. The pain of not stopping is so much worse than the pain of stopping. Hope this makes a little sense. Thanks again for all the support.








 

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 19 Jan 2020 03:11 #346807

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Great post true vision.

But the question needs to be asked, is the pain of not stopping worse? 

I think for since of us it may not be yet which is why we still act out
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 19 Jan 2020 06:14 #346808

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truevision wrote on 18 Jan 2020 22:28:
Hey! Just read most of this entire thread. It really inspiring and I thank you guys for being active on GYE. I’ve been popping my head into gye for almost a decade and I’m still struggling. For me it’s come down to not putting my recovery as priority #1. I’m afraid of the wrong things.



Unfortunately my marriage is pretty much over and my two beautiful kids are going to have to go through so much suffering if I don’t pull myself together.



I wonder why I don’t realize that the pain of not stopping is worse than all the pain it takes stopping.



Something I noticed while reading the thread is the fear of after 90. It’s almost like going 90 is manageable and exciting but to stop forever is unthinkable and not even desired. You mean I should be aware of my actions, triggers, feelings and responses for my whole life? While one day at a time is obviously crucial (it allows for the test to be manageable) I think the goal is to be a changed person and to do that you can’t learn all of shas in depth and want to sleep 9 hours a night. It’s crucial to 100 percent let go of what porn and masturbating offered. The pain of not stopping is so much worse than the pain of stopping. Hope this makes a little sense. Thanks again for all the support.










Very honest and courageous post. Its guys like you who b'ezras Hashem get out of this mess. Keep us updated.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 22 Jan 2020 05:07 #346893

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On the similar vein of my previous post, the other day I had a very hard day. I very much wanted to act out and was in a terrible mood. To be clear, it was NOT easy and it could have ended like many other bad days where I give in to my y''h and act out. However, I accepted that it is a challenge and I really gave it my best. I didn't let my mood bring me lower than I already was, and I tried to accept the challenge and not be overwhelmed by it. B''h I made it through, but it was a very real experience. There were no trophies or celebrations at the end - just a little contentment that I had passed this one. Upstairs, what I did probably made a tremendous impact and maybe I saved thousands of people from being sick, or maybe someone found their bashert from this zchus- who knows. The point is that we can't let the world that portrays success as this exciting Hollywood movie get in the way of true success that comes with real work and the production is hidden from us. Ki Sarisa im Elok-m V'anashim, V'tuchal. We are called Klal Yisroel, not Klal V'tuchal - We are a special people because we put in great effort and try to fight, not for the results we are expected to produce. HOWEVER, if we really try to fight and do our best, then Hashem helps in tremendous ways and we are V'TUCHAL- Successful in beating the y''h.

(I also want to be clear on something regarding this challenge. We shouldn't ever fool ourselves how grave and terrible of aveiros these really are considered. There are tons of scary chazal about how severe histaklus, hirhurim, and mzl are and how they can destroy a person's connection to Hashem. People working through this challenge should really take the opportunity to learn what chazal say about it and that itself will be a zchus and mussar to help overcome. However, even with all those chazal's we can never let it get us depressed or feel guilty/shamed because Hashem only expects us to try our best. History has shown people who have a positive attitude are more likely to succeed. Mussar sefarim also right about how incredible people who guard their eyes are in our generation. So realize how grave these aveiros are and while working on them realize how special you are for holding up the world!)

I am sure there is a special place in Hashem's heart (k'viyachol) for everyone on GYE! 

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 22 Jan 2020 12:26 #346896

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Realestatemogul wrote on 22 Jan 2020 05:07:
On the similar vein of my previous post, the other day I had a very hard day. I very much wanted to act out and was in a terrible mood. To be clear, it was NOT easy and it could have ended like many other bad days where I give in to my y''h and act out. However, I accepted that it is a challenge and I really gave it my best. I didn't let my mood bring me lower than I already was, and I tried to accept the challenge and not be overwhelmed by it. B''h I made it through, but it was a very real experience. There were no trophies or celebrations at the end - just a little contentment that I had passed this one. Upstairs, what I did probably made a tremendous impact and maybe I saved thousands of people from being sick, or maybe someone found their bashert from this zchus- who knows. The point is that we can't let the world that portrays success as this exciting Hollywood movie get in the way of true success that comes with real work and the production is hidden from us. Ki Sarisa im Elok-m V'anashim, V'tuchal. We are called Klal Yisroel, not Klal V'tuchal - We are a special people because we put in great effort and try to fight, not for the results we are expected to produce. HOWEVER, if we really try to fight and do our best, then Hashem helps in tremendous ways and we are V'TUCHAL- Successful in beating the y''h.

(I also want to be clear on something regarding this challenge. We shouldn't ever fool ourselves how grave and terrible of aveiros these really are considered. There are tons of scary chazal about how severe histaklus, hirhurim, and mzl are and how they can destroy a person's connection to Hashem. People working through this challenge should really take the opportunity to learn what chazal say about it and that itself will be a zchus and mussar to help overcome. However, even with all those chazal's we can never let it get us depressed or feel guilty/shamed because Hashem only expects us to try our best. History has shown people who have a positive attitude are more likely to succeed. Mussar sefarim also right about how incredible people who guard their eyes are in our generation. So realize how grave these aveiros are and while working on them realize how special you are for holding up the world!)

I am sure there is a special place in Hashem's heart (k'viyachol) for everyone on GYE! 

This post should be given to all therapists and mechanchim dealing with teenagers struggling with this issue. The appropriate balance between emuna in divrei Chazal about the seriousness of the p'gam and aveira on the one hand, and the proper perspective of "Hashem still loves me" and "I will iyh do tshuva but without any traces of depression", on the other, is difficult for so many to find. So many bochurim who are really good boys suffer from serious negative self worth, depression, and anxiety due to these challenges. This post clarifies and crystallizes how to view this confusing subject. 

And yes, we can only imagine what the GYE heichal in the olamos ha-elyonim looks like. Our job is to bring that heichal down here and open its doors very wide and invite everyone dealing with this challenge (and that's a lot of people) in.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 27 Jan 2020 01:21 #346973

Well said. Unchecked guilt and shame are not helpful. We all want to do teshuva and have remorse before Hashem, but that is different from wallowing in our misery.

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 28 Jan 2020 04:55 #346994

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Sheva, I love the username! It is really the secret to success over here. 

Okay, bh I am clean and still trucking along. I just came back from a warm weather vacation...why do I do that to myself??? Going to have to try and get right back in to things and learn torah and mussar to try and ensure I stay in a good place.

Any thoughts on how to not let vacations drag me down? I definitely need to take them...

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 28 Jan 2020 15:49 #347004

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Please be more specific, what part of vacation gets you down?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 29 Jan 2020 04:28 #347012

Realestatemogul wrote on 28 Jan 2020 04:55:
Sheva, I love the username! It is really the secret to success over here. 

Okay, bh I am clean and still trucking along. I just came back from a warm weather vacation...why do I do that to myself??? Going to have to try and get right back in to things and learn torah and mussar to try and ensure I stay in a good place.

Any thoughts on how to not let vacations drag me down? I definitely need to take them...

I'm assuming you feel dragged down because on one hand you are trying to take care of yourself by taking a vacation, but on the other hand by doing so you are exposing yourself to women who wear revealing clothing--at best--which arouse your urges.

I don't have any thoughts per se, but I can certainly join you. I always think about doing the best I can. Minimizing how much I gaze at as much as possible. Avoiding crowded areas. I never go to the beach. Ever.

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 29 Jan 2020 12:33 #347014

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Realestatemogul wrote on 28 Jan 2020 04:55:
Sheva, I love the username! It is really the secret to success over here. 

Okay, bh I am clean and still trucking along. I just came back from a warm weather vacation...why do I do that to myself??? Going to have to try and get right back in to things and learn torah and mussar to try and ensure I stay in a good place.

Any thoughts on how to not let vacations drag me down? I definitely need to take them...

Maybe set up a plan with an accountability partner in advance. Discuss what you expect the challenges to be and see what can be put in place with your partner to feel accountable to keep to your plan. Also structuring vacation days (in a relaxed form - that's what vacation is for) in a way that does not leave extended periods of boring time can help too. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: This is going to be the time I get to 90! 02 Feb 2020 02:48 #347081

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Thank you appreciate the feedback. That's a good idea to reach out to an accountability partner!
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