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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.

TOPIC: Starting again 1619 Views

Re: Starting again 02 Aug 2018 03:07 #334199

  • ManWhoStumbles
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Thank you all! I have trouble avoiding playing games and getting distracted through matters that are unrelated to Shemirat Einayim. I would ideally want to focus on improving the quality of my life, but isn't the best way through fear of failure? I guess all my game reasons are guilt ones. 
Reasons to not start taking breaks by playing games Part 2:
1) When I start playing online games, I usually have trouble stopping myself.
2) Games harm my ability to accomplish work at home. Therefore, I shouldn't start playing.
3) Games take away time from more meaningful sources of entertainment such as books.
4) After playing games, I sometimes watch porn, which I have some prior listed reasons for not doing.
More reasons to come...

Re: Starting again 02 Aug 2018 03:35 #334200

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Working privately at home was a killer for me - It has the traps you mentioned

Thank Gd I don't work there no more

What to do if you have to work at home?

Start with re-designing your garage to fit your 18 Wheeler.
Let me know how that goes :-)

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Re: Starting again 02 Aug 2018 14:33 #334222

  • kavod
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When home alone, I use some rules.

Never one day without going out, walking, or whatever.
Never one day without talking or having social conversations.

Exercise is good. Somehow it makes you more active, even if it is a very little and you do not feel lazy, overall for very mental works / jobs / business.

Some vitamin pills help. And sure, a morning coffe.

Sharing what works for me.

One advice. Now is your login name, and it is difficult to change. Simply that your name "manwhostumbles" unconsciously sets you in a path to fall.
What do you do after 6 days clean, or when you break free? You are not manwhostumbles. Start calling, yourself manwhostumbled, or manwhobreaksfree.
Then unconsciously you see yourself as getting free.
I saw all this tricks in Rabi Pliskin books. Very useful.
Last Edit: 02 Aug 2018 14:42 by kavod.
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Re: Starting again 03 Aug 2018 23:53 #334284

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Big fall. Have to rush for Shabat but will try to be more humble

Re: Starting again 05 Aug 2018 01:55 #334287

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Trying to speak less and I noticed that praying to G-d really works for me. The Friday I fell, I didn't pray to G-d as hard as I usually do. I also had more free time than usual.

Re: Starting again 05 Aug 2018 02:35 #334289

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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 05 Aug 2018 01:55:
Trying to speak less and I noticed that praying to G-d really works for me. The Friday I fell, I didn't pray to G-d as hard as I usually do. I also had more free time than usual.

I hope you are right.

It took me a long time to figure out that the real reason I would act out was because I knew in my heart I couldn't stop. That drove my looking at women, thinking etc until I built myself up to the point where masturbating was a simple choice.

When that is the underlying mechanism it's hard to recognize. But in those cases that conviction has to be addressed. There are a lot of other ancillary themes in people's lives that distract from the real problem.

For a lot of people that can be a temporary thing, which I think is why the Torah allows one to be a nazir for 30 days at a time. But for some it never goes away.

Re: Starting again 07 Aug 2018 01:51 #334387

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I can stay away from porn and being mzl, but really have trouble stopping with games and following professional football. I just wrote out a penalty system to help myself quit. 
Every minute I watch youtube unproductively I have to do 20 push ups.
Every minute I play games unproductively I have to do 10 pull ups.
Every minute I follow professional football, I have to do 15 situps or 10 leg raises.
I hope this will help. 
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Re: Starting again 07 Aug 2018 02:37 #334389

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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 07 Aug 2018 01:51:
I can stay away from porn and being mzl, but really have trouble stopping with games and following professional football. I just wrote out a penalty system to help myself quit. 
Every minute I watch youtube unproductively I have to do 20 push ups.
Every minute I play games unproductively I have to do 10 pull ups.
Every minute I follow professional football, I have to do 15 situps or 10 leg raises.
I hope this will help. 

It sure will help you
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Re: Starting again 17 Aug 2018 22:14 #334778

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Fall after 9 days, I really didn't keep to my plan. Its really keeping busy that helped, but I just fell flat on my face, since my summer job ended. I prayed a lot which helped me get through these days. I learned about David's interaction with Bathsheba, and how it occurred since he 1) he asked Hashem for a test 2) He forgot that a man only has small desires, and they grow if you satiate them. I messed up on that when I got home. My goal is to be clean until Rosh Hashanah. I feel really guilty for falling and I guess I was testing my will.  This was a really long run, since more than seven days is rare for me, but I never actually beat 2 weeks for a year. I guess I'll try to do more exercise and learn more. 
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Re: Starting again 19 Aug 2018 22:21 #334810

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Did you ever reach out and connect with anyone about this? That's what saved me.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com
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Re: Starting again 21 Aug 2018 01:23 #334868

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I did try to connect with my parents about it, but I am now trying to win this fight by not thinking about it at all, but just trying to be the best Jew that I can be. I'll see how it works.

Re: Starting again 23 Aug 2018 00:40 #334928

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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 21 Aug 2018 01:23:
I did try to connect with my parents about it, but I am now trying to win this fight by not thinking about it at all, but just trying to be the best Jew that I can be. I'll see how it works.

I don't think speaking with ones parent is in the same league of "connection" that HHM is referring to...
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Re: Starting again 23 Aug 2018 22:55 #334948

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Speaking with real live people who have struggled with these issues and have BH gotten better shows you that you can get better b'ezras Hashem. Secondly, it creates accountability. Thirdly, it opens one up to a wealth of support, advice, and connection.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

Re: Starting again 10 Oct 2018 09:14 #336111

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Hi ManWhoStumbles,
  I am also a teen (I assume you are too) who is struggling with mzl and inappropriate images and videos that unfortunately is becoming an almost inherent part of modern popular culture. BH I dont have problem with p**n or n*dity anymore. Im 17 in 2 months.

  I find my struggle similar to yours in that I too find myself wasting too much time doing unproductive things which may sometimes be chas veshalom sinning. There is hardly any interaction with people outside my family except in school (I'm in a public pre-college level school). After school I  try to stay at home all the time except to go to the synagogue. It is only as I write this do I realised my problem.... The lack of social interaction is most probably because I'm lazy. I should try to change...  Addiction makes us more isolated,  I also feel that being isolated makes us more vulnerable to the attack of yetzer hara. I remember watching a video linked under "Markz"'s profile about the nature of addiction. Under isolated and high stress conditions our body tends to normalise unhealthy stimulation while with social interaction and healthy relationships our body rejects the unhealthy stimulus option. Not sure if I recalled correctly but the idea is like that.

  Here is what helped me: I try to set myself a target, a goal that I wish to achieve (like getting rid of p**n/ stop watching youtube videos with untznius content). The goal must be something that you want to achieve in the sense that there are many pull factors (e.g. spiritual and physical health, a normal life). So far the reasons/motivations to fight your addiction, that you have underlined, are almost all push factors, they are about the harms the addiction is causing. Awareness of the harms of our addiction also helps me fight yetzer hara, and is perhaps the deciding factor that spurs us to start seriously fighting the addiction, and to sign up for GYE in the first place. But t is very important to have a clear picture what who you want to be, what kind of life you want to have. Only then can we (at for least me) start working on our problems with substantial progress. It is like you want to leave a place and it helps to have a destination in mind. 

  On the area of filling life with meaningful activities, I haven't had much success but from experience I have learnt that it helps to have a goal for the day, or even the next few hours. I always have a list of things to do in case I feel bored at home. Again I think having some objectives in mind in addition to the determination of breaking bad existing habits is helpful. Let's face it, it is extremely difficult to fill all our free time with the most meaningful and productive things (e.g. learning Torah or studying in general). It's good to find something light that you also enjoy (e.g. playing an instrument, reading a book).  
 I used to be addicted to games (at least 1.5 hours everyday and it was a battle royale violent type of game). Once you are in the game, it's hard to decide to close the entire thing, it's like another reality (a fake reality). BH I was lucky that I slowly got bored of the game I played and games in general. I was thinking that all games are pretty much the same, you control a character and you try to move your hands quickly. It dawned upon me that playing a game (we all want to win) is about seeing who spends more time practicing the hand movements, in other words to see who spends/wastes more time/a greater portion of life practicing the repetitive hand movements. This reality was in front of me. Winning doesn't have any meaning at all if you are not too concerned with who can do the hand movements faster. This may be insensitive to gamers but this is what helped me stay away from games and it is my genuine opinion.

  I don't follow any sport but I think there is no harm with sports per se. Many people on GYE has pointed out that exercising helps in fighting s*xually-related addictions by acting as an healthy "outlet". So I think there is no problem with following a sport especially if you are looking at the technical skills of professional players and trying to enhance your own game. If you are in countries with football as some sort of "national sport", e.g. UK, it may be quite natural to follow the sport as everyone is talking about it. I once asked a (non-jewish) friend in school why he is always reading football news and watching football videos, he replied that for him it's mostly about the build up. I always see him reading about UK football which I feel is indeed over-advertised and even sensationalised. Of course I can't generalise but if you are following football mainly because of the speculation part or the sensation/hype (or even angst) then maybe stop watching football videos is a good idea. The general rule of thumb for me is to not follow anything that I have no stake in. I find many things especially in pop culture to be always seeking your attention and turning it into profit without any regard of whether you need it or whether the matter concerns you in anyway. 

  Last but not least, to me being overly ambitious in my plans to fight my addiction usually doesn't turn out to be very effective because it makes the struggle seem harder disincentivises me

Hatzlacha!
Last Edit: 10 Oct 2018 09:39 by getback. Reason: Adding info
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