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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.

TOPIC: New Journey to 90 days 1699 Views

Re: New Journey to 90 days 09 Aug 2018 13:43 #334475

  • iwilldothis
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Day 43. It just hit me today that the only way to get rid of lust, at least for me, is to surrender it. I can't fight it. The only time it goes away is when I surrender it to G-d. It's not a chiddush or anything. I can't fight lust like I used to because I never actually won.
Last Edit: 09 Aug 2018 13:48 by iwilldothis.
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 14 Aug 2018 13:54 #334646

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Day 47. I have nothing to say other than that I happy to be sober right now. Thank you Hashem
Last Edit: 14 Aug 2018 13:56 by iwilldothis.
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 20 Aug 2018 11:01 #334842

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Day 53.
I'm been lusting the past few days because of anxiety at work. I know that watching porn or masturbating is not going to help me. The only thing that will help me is to work through the anxiety with the help of Hashem, asking Him for guidance. I actually got some work done yesterday and I didn't procrastinate as much. I did procrastinate but I didn't wait till now to get it done.
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 24 Aug 2018 19:30 #334966

  • iwilldothis
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Day 58.
Shabbos is usually the hardest because I get triggered in shul. I also have anxiety when I have to deal with my kids. Hashem please take my fears and anxiety so I can have a peaceful shabbos. Thank You for keeping me sober till now. 
Good shabbos
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 28 Aug 2018 10:58 #335054

  • iwilldothis
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Day 61.

I'm tired and not in the mood to deal with today. I sometimes have lust issues when I'm at work depending on how tired or stressed out I am. But I want to continue doing the steps and surrendering because it's been helping me diminish a lot of SSA to the point where I'm actually starting to get attracted to women. It's not as strong as SSA and probably never be but its enough to make me happy about where I am at. 
I'm gonna continue reaching out to others because that helps. All I have to do is make it through today. It doesn't matter about tomorrow. I only have today. Gd please help me make it through today.
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 28 Aug 2018 15:12 #335069

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You obviously have your head on straight. Guys like you really get better and learn to enjoy life. When the mind and heart start to internalize that there is so much in life to enjoy other than sexual pleasures, one feels like a free bird soaring over the mountains. Buddy, you are on your way. Keep up the great attitude and soon you will iyh see the view from about Mt Everest!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 13 Sep 2018 11:10 #335461

  • iwilldothis
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Day 77

I didn't have such a great davening as I usually have on Rosh Hashana. I didn't feel the spiritual high. I said the words with kavana but I didn't have any spiritual experience. I'm trying to believe that Hashem is happy with me because I'm staying sober even if I didn't have such a great davening. I surrendered when I needed to in shul and I went to meetings. Hopefully it's enough for this year. 
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 13 Sep 2018 11:34 #335462

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iwilldothis wrote on 13 Sep 2018 11:10:
Day 77

I didn't have such a great davening as I usually have on Rosh Hashana. I didn't feel the spiritual high. I said the words with kavana but I didn't have any spiritual experience. I'm trying to believe that Hashem is happy with me because I'm staying sober even if I didn't have such a great davening. I surrendered when I needed to in shul and I went to meetings. Hopefully it's enough for this year. 

Sounds to me like you are working your *** off for G-d ...
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 13 Sep 2018 11:47 #335463

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iwilldothis wrote on 13 Sep 2018 11:10:
Day 77

I didn't have such a great davening as I usually have on Rosh Hashana. I didn't feel the spiritual high. I said the words with kavana but I didn't have any spiritual experience. I'm trying to believe that Hashem is happy with me because I'm staying sober even if I didn't have such a great davening. I surrendered when I needed to in shul and I went to meetings. Hopefully it's enough for this year. 



I very much related to the post below by G4L, perhaps you will too.
Right now, the important thing for me is to do the best I can to stay sober today. Rosh Hashanah is just like any other day.

grateful4life wrote on 12 Sep 2018 06:24:

poiuytrewq wrote on 12 Sep 2018 03:56:
  I just came off of a beautiful Rosh Hashanah. I felt like I was on a spiritual high and then as soon as Rosh Hashanah ended I cracked. Does anyone have any insight?

Your experience is very common among serious strugglers, and it was especially challenging for me too... better yet it was a demoralizing and hopeless phenomenon for me... feeling that I was so high and so close to Hashem and then BOOM - only to spiral completely out of control as if Elul and Tishrei occurred 10 months ago, not 10 days ago or 10 hours (minutes) ago. This happened to me year after year.
Now being part of a mostly frum live meeting in SA, I've noticed how prevalent it is that people relapse after Yomim Tovim.

So today I avoid getting too high on yiddishkeit because I just don't have a good parachute to land safely back down. Your problem is that you are like the cartoons with people attached to a propelled rocket that runs out of fuel mid-air and suddenly everyone is crashing down from the sky. In cartoons they usually end up ok but in real life it hurts! And what do we do when we feel we're missing something or something hurts us - we turn to our drug to numb out the pain, hence the vicious cycle continues...

In a 12 step program we are seriously doing teshuva and growing spiritually on a daily basis so Elul/Tishrei is no different but regardless try to treat these days as "regular" days and don't get too high on the avodas hayom. Hashem wants you to stay clean above anything else so try this method and see how it goes. Maybe in a few years down the road you'll get back to that intensity when you can handle it but for now just keep it even keeled. 

All the best,
G4L
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 16 Sep 2018 11:03 #335534

  • iwilldothis
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Day 80. Thank you Hashem
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 09 Oct 2018 10:55 #336081

  • iwilldothis
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Day 103

I've been doing well the past few days. I'm just reminding myself not to think that I got to where I got to by myself. I know that I can't do this alone and it's ok to make a phone call or post even though I'm feeling good. 
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 10 Oct 2018 00:37 #336097

iwilldothis wrote on 09 Oct 2018 10:55:
Day 103

I've been doing well the past few days. I'm just reminding myself not to think that I got to where I got to by myself. I know that I can't do this alone and it's ok to make a phone call or post even though I'm feeling good. 

Congrats on getting to where you are! This may be totally random, but it came to mind when I read your post: It's funny, for myself, thinking that I can't have certain thoughts has hurt me a lot. It feeds into my whole addiction of "Oy, I'm having these thoughts, what can I do! I gotta get rid of them!". This leads to resistance, and then to the inevitable setback

Sometimes it's not helpful to create limitations for ourselves, even seemingly positive ones like "I can't do this by myself". Perhaps, a simpler way is just to say, "Hey, reaching out has helped me stay in a good place, so I'm going to schedule in periodic visits to the forum". 

Hope that was helpful for someone, I know it helps me  

Hatzlacha! 
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Re: New Journey to 90 days 11 Oct 2018 16:30 #336145

  • iwilldothis
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Wow Ihavestrength, that's exactly what I needed to hear. It is true. When I have lustful( or any negative) thoughts I tell myself that I can't have them and that I shouldn't be thinking them. It's hard for me to surrender because I beat myself up for having them. I need to remember to tell myself that it's ok to have the thoughts. 

Thank you for sharing that.
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