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The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 51938 Views

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 16 Mar 2017 22:29 #308444

  • Workingguy
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רבונו ‏של ‏עולם גלוי וידוע לפניך ‏שרצוננו ‏לעשות רצונך ‏אבל השאור ‏שבעיסה מעכב ‏ואי לאו שהקדוש ברוך הוא עוזרו לא יכול לו

But then I'm stuck, because I'm not sure what you're asking Him to do. Remove , ?
?fight the fight for you, or just help you

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 17 Mar 2017 01:41 #308457

  • tiger
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He will help by removing it, he does it for us

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 17 Mar 2017 03:01 #308463

  • Hashem Help Me
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Giving lust over to Hashem is a method used by the very successful SA program where one turns to Hashem and says "i have tried everything and have come to the realization that I am powerless, so take it away from me"  there are others here that are big experts with this system. I would suggest you call Dov and speak with him. He can help you determine the best way to proceed.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 19 Mar 2017 23:47 #308572

  • Hakolhevel
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For those interested in reading further check out here
 guardyoureyes.com/articles/12-step/category/step-1
In general there are some great posts over there, mostly from Dov and some from others.

I'm still struggling with am I an addict or just a regular struggle, but as "Hashem help me" said regardless it's best to get a friend (and many others over here have been pushing the same thing).

There are many posts on this topic of the difference between an addict and a non-addict, and it would be hard for me to be the judge about that question myself. In fact this is the whole problem! Despite being clean for about 27 days, I am still focused on myself. I am giving myself a pat on the back and feeling smug, hey look what a good job I have done. But I know where that leads too... 

Even if I could win this struggle on my own, it definitely won't hurt my chances of winning if I do open up.

I'm sure you all know, it's really difficult to open up to someone real, it's probably the hardest step anyone takes (although I wouldn't know because I never took a step that was to hard - that's why I'm here)

SO wish me good luck, and maybe a few words of encouragement, so I actually follow thru

@workingguy see this post guardyoureyes.com/articles/12-step/item/what-does-powerless-really-mean?category_id=413
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 00:23 #308577

  • LifneiHashem
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Hakolhevel wrote on 19 Mar 2017 23:47:
For those interested in reading further check out here
 guardyoureyes.com/articles/12-step/category/step-1
In general there are some great posts over there, mostly from Dov and some from others.

I'm still struggling with am I an addict or just a regular struggle, but as "Hashem help me" said regardless it's best to get a friend (and many others over here have been pushing the same thing).

There are many posts on this topic of the difference between an addict and a non-addict, and it would be hard for me to be the judge about that question myself. In fact this is the whole problem! Despite being clean for about 27 days, I am still focused on myself. I am giving myself a pat on the back and feeling smug, hey look what a good job I have done. But I know where that leads too... 

Even if I could win this struggle on my own, it definitely won't hurt my chances of winning if I do open up.

I'm sure you all know, it's really difficult to open up to someone real, it's probably the hardest step anyone takes (although I wouldn't know because I never took a step that was to hard - that's why I'm here)

SO wish me good luck, and maybe a few words of encouragement, so I actually follow thru

@workingguy see this post guardyoureyes.com/articles/12-step/item/what-does-powerless-really-mean?category_id=413
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Hi. I also struggled for a while on if I'm an addict or not. Ironically I finally signed up on gye because I came to the conclusion that I was an addict, but now after all these months I think I probably am not. 
I also struggled with telling a real person and finally did so thanks to all the peer pressure on gye. Yes, it was really hard to do, and I chickened out a few times. so I can say from experience that opening up and talking about it is a game changer and worth the discomfort. 

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 02:19 #308587

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The post discusses what powerless is- not what giving it up to G-d is. That's what I thought we were looking for clarity about. 

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 03:35 #308594

  • Hashem Help Me
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Whoever needs to be pushed to open upto someone real, just look at me. I joined in a hopeless state. I made it BH straight to 90 because of other people. Period. Yes, many of the other incentives here on GYE were helpful, but because of the forum chevra and the people I spoke to, I have bli ayin hora had some success. And I was the biggest loser the world had seen. Hypocrite. Rasha. Get the idea?   So just go do it. After that first real live share you will feel cleansed and relieved in a way you could never imagine.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 14:37 #308646

  • Hakolhevel
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Workingguy wrote on 20 Mar 2017 02:19:
The post discusses what powerless is- not what giving it up to G-d is. That's what I thought we were looking for clarity about. 

You are correct indeed, I had no idea they were differen. So I'd better just start with powerlessness. Even if I'm not an addict, it's a very powerful and important thing, the humility that unfortunately I can say I'm lacking. 

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 14:41 #308648

  • Hakolhevel
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@lifnei Hashem and @ hashme help me (and everyone else). Did you start with a sponsor or a partner. Is there any more Info you care to share that would be helpful.

@hashem ehelp me, where is your thread?

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 17:04 #308658

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My thread is "My story and G-d bless GYE" on balei batim forum.  I started alone and someone reached out to me, and then i looked for others to speak to. In the beginning i had a SA sponsor but it became evident that i am not an addict so that didnt continue.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 22:42 #308675

  • LifneiHashem
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Hakolhevel wrote on 20 Mar 2017 14:41:
@lifnei Hashem and @ hashme help me (and everyone else). Did you start with a sponsor or a partner. Is there any more Info you care to share that would be helpful.

@hashem ehelp me, where is your thread?

I haven't done any formal step work or SA. I opened up to a close friend who works in the counseling field with exposure to various addictions. got cold feet a few times when trying to tell him. Finally on the phone I said I wanted to discuss "something" before we hung up. At that point he was so curious that every tme we spoke he repeatedly asked me what was up until I spit it all out. 

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 20 Mar 2017 23:16 #308676

  • Shlomo24
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Hakolhevel wrote on 20 Mar 2017 14:41:
@lifnei Hashem and @ hashme help me (and everyone else). Did you start with a sponsor or a partner. Is there any more Info you care to share that would be helpful.

@hashem ehelp me, where is your thread?

I started with a therapist and I was desperate to find someone who struggled like I did. I found someone on GYE in a similar situation and I spoke to him. That lead me to SA. And now my best friends are program guys.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 24 Mar 2017 02:56 #309045

  • Hakolhevel
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I haven't posted in a few days, I was travelling...

However I have to say I had the most amazing experience. In the past when I would travel (even during the years where I was not acting out) I would always notice the women sitting next to me or a across, or I would check out the stewardesses, Of course since I am religious after I ascertained they looked good, I would spend the rest of the flight making sure I don't look at them, and usually I would take a second or third peak, just to make sure I am fighting looking at someone who is pretty... 

Not  only that, I would normally check out the airline magazine "just to look at some interesting travel stories" but really it was to make sure there was nothing in there I shouldn't look at.

Of course the flight was usually spent making sure I look into my sefer while thinking all the time how I am not looking at the things I shouldn't.

If there where screens on the plane, oh boy, I would have to see what everyone was watching just to make sure I would't see it. The ways of the Yetzer Hara are funny.

Anyways why am I saying this. B/c halfway thru the flight this time, I suddenly realized everything was different, no active struggling, no caring about the airline magazine, I was just myself. It was an amazing experience. I think this is what Dov talks about when he says, we always want to keep the lust near and dear to our hearts, either we are involved in lust, or fighting it while all the time thinking about it. 

Even though today I am at the same 34 days I was the last time I fell, I must say these 34 days are SOOOO different than the last. What's different? As Hashem help me says in his thread, I'm not just not sinnin, im actually startin to livin. Thank you All!!!!

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 24 Mar 2017 11:02 #309063

  • Workingguy
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Love the description of checking to make sure that there are things that we SHOULDNT look at. It's such a funny and accurate portrayal.

Re: The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:) 24 Mar 2017 11:17 #309064

  • Hashem Help Me
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Hakol, you are beginning to experience the real menuchas hanefesh that has eluded so many of us for so long. Very happy for you. Now it's your turn to start being mechazek others! It will help your own recovery too.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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