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Bb0212's road...
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Bb0212's road... 59460 Views

Re: Bb0212's road... 27 Dec 2017 12:50 #324255

  • cordnoy
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God speed!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bb0212's road... 27 Dec 2017 14:02 #324263

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I really feel for you. I can totally relate to the money issues...
Really impressed with your attitude about the whole situation. I would've acted out just from the stress of dealing with this accident even if I would have had the money for it. Thank God you are safe and sound and may Hashem bless you with loads of money and very little stress and worry.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Bb0212's road... 27 Dec 2017 17:06 #324267

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Wow that’s crazy. Hope you can get it taken care of. Is there Chaveirim where you live?

Hashem Yemalei Chesroncha. Keep up the good attitude.



GS: Amen,  thank you! there's chaveirim, but they couldn't help.  Eventually igot home at like 5:30or 6 

HHM, the word tzaddik apparently has different meanings in my book. But you did get me to laugh and btw, YOU are a special Yid. Incredible. Not at all saying that because of what you called me,  you have just really been an inspiration.  Thank you holy brother! 

Cords, thank you for your encouragement a and amen!

LK, trust me,  you would not have acted out if you were located where iwas.  Absolutely no privacy. 
אמן אמן אמן! 

One more thing.  Which one of you was truckin that truck? Cuz you gotta be more careful. Chill out
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 27 Dec 2017 17:11 by bb0212.

Re: Bb0212's road... 28 Dec 2017 01:56 #324308

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bb0212 wrote on 25 Dec 2017 04:36:
Earlier today I fell. The past week or so was so freakin stressful. Last week I woke up one morning shocked that I was still clean, that with all the stress the night before, I managed to fall asleep staying clean.

But today I wanted to fall. Kinda rebellious or something, dunno how to describe it.


So... Here's the catch. and I might (&probably should) get yelled at for this: 
It released so much tension! So yeah, it was wrong, but  right now it's been helpful.

Just to quote the Dov: There is no situation in life that lusting won't make it worse. 

Think about it.

Re: Bb0212's road... 28 Dec 2017 15:28 #324362

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Hakolhevel wrote on 28 Dec 2017 01:56:

bb0212 wrote on 25 Dec 2017 04:36:
Earlier today I fell. The past week or so was so freakin stressful. Last week I woke up one morning shocked that I was still clean, that with all the stress the night before, I managed to fall asleep staying clean.

But today I wanted to fall. Kinda rebellious or something, dunno how to describe it.


So... Here's the catch. and I might (&probably should) get yelled at for this: 
It released so much tension! So yeah, it was wrong, but  right now it's been helpful.

Just to quote the Dov: There is no situation in life that lusting won't make it worse. 

Think about it.

Ok. 
perhaps that's true,  but it depends on how you look at it.  Besides,  I'm not sure that I would qualify where I was, as lusting. I was very very stressed out & my usual release (basketball) hadn't been available for weeks. By falling,  I released so much stress.  Then I started my count again right away,  but with less stress.
In the past, when I would fall once, I would fall a few times,  or a bunch more. Then,  after a few days/weeks, I'd restart my count.  However,  this time I realized that falling might feel good,  but it was entirely unnecessary - the stress was already gone.  And I didn't fall.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 29 Dec 2017 07:42 by bb0212. Reason: Stressed

Re: Bb0212's road... 29 Dec 2017 03:29 #324397

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bb0212 wrote on 28 Dec 2017 15:28:

Hakolhevel wrote on 28 Dec 2017 01:56:

bb0212 wrote on 25 Dec 2017 04:36:
Earlier today I fell. The past week or so was so freakin stressful. Last week I woke up one morning shocked that I was still clean, that with all the stress the night before, I managed to fall asleep staying clean.

But today I wanted to fall. Kinda rebellious or something, dunno how to describe it.


So... Here's the catch. and I might (&probably should) get yelled at for this: 
It released so much tension! So yeah, it was wrong, but  right now it's been helpful.

Just to quote the Dov: There is no situation in life that lusting won't make it worse. 

Think about it.

Ok. 
perhaps that's true,  but it depends on how you look at it.  Besides,  I'm not sure that I would qualify where I was, as lusting. I was very very 9 out & my usual release (basketball) hadn't been available for weeks. By falling,  I released so much stress.  Then I started my count again right away,  but with less stress.
In the past, when I would fall once, I would fall a few times,  or a bunch more. Then,  after a few days/weeks, I'd restart my count.  However,  this time I realized that falling might feel good,  but it was entirely unnecessary - the stress was already gone.  And I didn't fall.

There is no situation in life that lusting won't make it worse. 

FOCUS on the word LIFE

​IF you are looking at your current stress level, maybe it went down (temporarily) , But your life is back in shambles. Proof is in the pudding, you came here to tell us about it, and you sound confused.

But the silver lining as tzomah said is that you where honest about what you felt, but hopefully you where honest about it with a real person too, because honesty here doesn't translate into much...

Re: Bb0212's road... 29 Dec 2017 07:53 #324411

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Hakolhevel wrote on 29 Dec 2017 03:29:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
There is no situation in life that lusting won't make it worse. 

FOCUS on the word LIFE

​IF you are looking at your current stress level, maybe it went down (temporarily) , But your life is back in shambles. Proof is in the pudding, you came here to tell us about it, and you sound confused.


Can you please clarify the above quote, I really don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Ty
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 03 Jan 2018 04:05 #324620

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I quoted "There is no situation in life that lusting won't make it worse."To which you responded, it depends on how you look at it, implying in a certain sense, life has gotten better (or at least that's how I understood it) My response to that was, maybe your stress level has gotten better, or other details, but your life, living real life, has only gotten worse. See my post number #316524 page 11 here. 
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/306108-The-Road-To-Being-Honest-With-Myself-(and-others)?limit=15&start=150#316524 As a disclaimer, obviously I am only sharing my experience and what works for me may not work for you.
Last Edit: 03 Jan 2018 04:07 by Hakolhevel. Reason: Link

Re: Bb0212's road... 04 Jan 2018 18:31 #324706

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Fell this morning.  Was up all night watching movies
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 04 Jan 2018 19:21 #324709

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HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

So, time to get back on the plan, I guess.  My gut says you will pick right back up again!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Bb0212's road... 05 Jan 2018 06:53 #324766

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serenity wrote on 04 Jan 2018 19:21:
HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

So, time to get back on the plan, I guess.  My gut says you will pick right back up again!

Haven't gotten up yet. My truck needs a tuneup to get me back up and trucking.  

I'm just numb.  Which is probably why I fell to begin with. 

dunno where to go from here.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 05 Jan 2018 09:49 #324771

bb0212 wrote on 05 Jan 2018 06:53:

serenity wrote on 04 Jan 2018 19:21:
HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

So, time to get back on the plan, I guess.  My gut says you will pick right back up again!

Haven't gotten up yet. My truck needs a tuneup to get me back up and trucking.  

I'm just numb.  Which is probably why I fell to begin with. 

dunno where to go from here.

Sounds like you need to make a phone call if I may suggest
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Bb0212's road... 05 Jan 2018 15:42 #324790

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First stop acting out, don't think in whether you got up already or not & if you fall again... get up again. By giving up on the situation you don't make things better.
I didn't find yet my way out of a fall, I'm only doing the above & it helps sometimes.

Re: Bb0212's road... 05 Jan 2018 18:47 #324807

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youcan wrote on 05 Jan 2018 15:42:
First stop acting out, don't think in whether you got up already or not & if you fall again... get up again. By giving up on the situation you don't make things better.
I didn't find yet my way out of a fall, I'm only doing the above & it helps sometimes.

Pretty sure my problem isn't that I need to get up. My problem is why I fell.  What I need isn't to stay clean, I need to start living again in order to start staying clean.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 05 Jan 2018 18:50 #324808

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MayanHamisgaber wrote on 05 Jan 2018 09:49:

bb0212 wrote on 05 Jan 2018 06:53:

serenity wrote on 04 Jan 2018 19:21:
HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

So, time to get back on the plan, I guess.  My gut says you will pick right back up again!

Haven't gotten up yet. My truck needs a tuneup to get me back up and trucking.  

I'm just numb.  Which is probably why I fell to begin with. 

dunno where to go from here.

Sounds like you need to make a phone call if I may suggest

 You're definitely correct.  Phone calls have been made, I've  also spoken face to face with some people .  Still disconnected from life,  but perhaps I know what needs to be done. 
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
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