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Bb0212's road...
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Bb0212's road... 64477 Views

Re: Bb0212's road... 22 Aug 2017 20:57 #319142

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I'm so frustrated. Dunno what happened. Well, 1st off, bh I haven't been mzl. But שמירת עניים, שמירת ידיים has been just way off. It's like there's no control. If I'm not mistaken, it's called white knuckling. Such a pissoff.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 22 Aug 2017 21:31 #319150

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I know the feeling. Try thinking something like "She'll be out of sight in 2 seconds, I can wait that long" or "What's the point in looking for the second or two she passes by? I only feel worse after." Those sometimes work for me. Not always. Depends on my mood. It's really hard for me to do the right thing in a bad mood. Do you have this problem too?
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 02:43 #319166

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abd297 wrote on 22 Aug 2017 21:31:
I know the feeling. Try thinking something like "She'll be out of sight in 2 seconds, I can wait that long" or "What's the point in looking for the second or two she passes by? I only feel worse after." Those sometimes work for me. Not always. Depends on my mood. It's really hard for me to do the right thing in a bad mood. Do you have this problem too?

Could be, but I'm pretty sure I've been in a good mood. I think I'm lusting. Maybe I feel overwhelmed and I should implement odaat. Just a little lust. I mean lost.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 13:59 #319182

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I hear. Keep to it. Don't forget the big picture. Sometimes the little things bog us down. A lot of times you just have to acknowledge them and move on.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 14:49 #319187

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abd297 wrote on 23 Aug 2017 13:59:
I hear. Keep to it. Don't forget the big picture. Sometimes the little things bog us down. A lot of times you just have to acknowledge them and move on.

I actual must start to focus on odaat much more. I've spent a few hours trying to get past the filter on my phone & computer, I haven't been successful (not successful enough anyway) so thats a positive thing.

 After forever, I finally finished Charles Duhigg's book, the power of habit. It's a great read. He says we all function on habits, and if we keep turning to a specific habit it's because of a cue, which leads us to the action, which leads to the reward. He said that he would take a break during his workday, go to the cafeteria & buy (& eat) a cookie and schmooze a bit with coworkers. Along the way, he gained  some weight. After looking into it, he realized that he wasn't hungry, but that around 3:30 every afternoon, he wanted to socialize, so he replaced the cookie with going to a coworkers desk to schmooze & it worked. What I need to, figure out is what my cue is & what my reward is...
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 23 Aug 2017 14:57 by bb0212. Reason: Me mind remembered sumpin else

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 15:53 #319190

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abd297 wrote on 22 Aug 2017 21:31:
I know the feeling. Try thinking something like "She'll be out of sight in 2 seconds, I can wait that long" or "What's the point in looking for the second or two she passes by? I only feel worse after." Those sometimes work for me. Not always. Depends on my mood. It's really hard for me to do the right thing in a bad mood. Do you have this problem too?

i also know this feeling, and let me tell you, there is not an easy way out of it..... but after the hard work, their is reward.... and just Try thinking something like "She'll be out of sight in 2 seconds, I can wait that long" or "What's the point in looking for the second or two she passes by? I only feel worse after." dosen't work, while you are at the nisoyen it self, try thinking is not working, we have to "try thinking" the first moment the lust pops into our heads, that first millisecond thats the key..
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 17:38 #319203

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That's what I meant. Try thinking something along those lines the second something comes into your head or into view. Maybe before. I know from personal experience that once you start even a little bit there is no chance of stopping. At least I know about myself that it's not even possible to stop at that point. That's up for discussion about it and how it pertains to other people but that's what I experience. My Rebbi has told me similar things from Mussar as well.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 20:31 #319227

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abd297 wrote on 23 Aug 2017 17:38:
That's what I meant. Try thinking something along those lines the second something comes into your head or into view. Maybe before. I know from personal experience that once you start even a little bit there is no chance of stopping. At least I know about myself that it's not even possible to stop at that point. That's up for discussion about it and how it pertains to other people but that's what I experience. My Rebbi has told me similar things from Mussar as well.

for me, my eyes is the key....  if i watch on my eyes, should it be on the web, should it be on the street, should it be at the mailbox, you name it, then im safe, but when they start wondering, there i get stuck...... my eyes is like to diamonds, and i try to keep it polished the most i can, so it will shine forever... 
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: Bb0212's road... 23 Aug 2017 22:51 #319234

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 23 Aug 2017 20:31:

abd297 wrote on 23 Aug 2017 17:38:
That's what I meant. Try thinking something along those lines the second something comes into your head or into view. Maybe before. I know from personal experience that once you start even a little bit there is no chance of stopping. At least I know about myself that it's not even possible to stop at that point. That's up for discussion about it and how it pertains to other people but that's what I experience. My Rebbi has told me similar things from Mussar as well.

for me, my eyes is the key....  if i watch on my eyes, should it be on the web, should it be on the street, should it be at the mailbox, you name it, then im safe, but when they start wondering, there i get stuck...... my eyes is like to diamonds, and i try to keep it polished the most i can, so it will shine forever... 

That's ok.

My mind is the key; much more than my eyes. 

Re: Bb0212's road... 24 Aug 2017 00:36 #319244

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I agree. For me the thoughts are usually it. The rest are just products or triggers. 
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: Bb0212's road... 24 Aug 2017 05:24 #319255

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Big thank you to all of you for giving me chizuk. I've been asking Hashem for some help, to show me what to do, etc. Today, while learning פרקי אבות, I came across a statement that if one watches his eyes, the יצר הרע has no power over him. It was clutch timing.

Me learning פרקי אבות is part of me experimenting if that works as a reward instead of me watching a movie (which is almost always an issue).
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Oct 2017 21:48 #321153

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Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l....
a bunch of falling since yesterday, & I've been trying to block it out... No time to elaborate now
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Oct 2017 22:35 #321157

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bb0212 wrote on 16 Oct 2017 21:48:

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l....
a bunch of falling since yesterday, & I've been trying to block it out... No time to elaborate now

Sorry to hear that bro ;-(

hows porn and fantasizing been in recent weeks
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Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Oct 2017 22:40 #321158

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I think I need a better filter on the laptop. Porn hasn't been good, plain fantasizing wasn't really a big problem.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Bb0212's road... 16 Oct 2017 23:15 #321160

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bb0212 wrote on 16 Oct 2017 22:40:
I think I need a better filter on the laptop. Porn hasn't been good, plain fantasizing wasn't really a big problem.

If your porn isn't that good it means you have a great filter. No?

My point is - Sorry I don't know you well, but from the little we have shared on the forum, I have a hunch that the filter isn't your primary make it or break it - am I slightly on target?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

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Last Edit: 16 Oct 2017 23:16 by Markz.
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