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TOPIC: Just Starting 11611 Views

Re: Just Starting 02 Mar 2017 15:08 #307252

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chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..

Confused but honest. There are many on this site that haven't reached the confused clarity you have

It can be a stepping stone forward if you're interested in making that move - whenever you're ready
My Story---------Dov Quotes


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Re: Just Starting 02 Mar 2017 15:33 #307255

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Markz wrote on 02 Mar 2017 15:08:

chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..

Confused but honest. There are many on this site that haven't reached the confused clarity you have

It can be a stepping stone forward if you're interested in making that move - whenever you're ready

Yes. Very nice.

A lot of stuff you said mirror big breakthroughs I've made. So now it's your turn
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Re: Just Starting 03 Mar 2017 15:34 #307379

I dont know how you do it? I just want to give in. I know in the long run I need to stop but right now I don't want to. It sounds childish but how do you not do something that you are able to do and want to do? What is stopping me from doing it? 

Just myself.. and myself wants to do it..

Re: Just Starting 03 Mar 2017 17:29 #307382

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chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..

Why do you need to imagine that you will never look at a naked girl again? Did someone tell you that this is a prerequisite for recovery?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Just Starting 03 Mar 2017 17:56 #307383

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cordnoy wrote on 03 Mar 2017 17:29:

chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..

Why do you need to imagine that you will never look at a naked girl again? Did someone tell you that this is a prerequisite for recovery?

I love how you always are able to peer over your reading sun glasses and see thru the post and hear what the guy is really asking and respond a"cord"ingly
My Story---------Dov Quotes


What works for me:
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Click HERE to checkout;
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• Awesome Threads Saved for You
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Re: Just Starting 03 Mar 2017 18:38 #307388

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Markz wrote on 03 Mar 2017 17:56:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Mar 2017 17:29:

chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..

Why do you need to imagine that you will never look at a naked girl again? Did someone tell you that this is a prerequisite for recovery?

I love how you always are able to peer over your reading sun glasses and see thru the post and hear what the guy is really asking and respond a"cord"ingly

I wear my sunglasses at night.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Just Starting 03 Mar 2017 19:34 #307395

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Sounds like chizukconstant is having a hard time remembering and realizing what smutz does to a person!!

I understand that do as I also struggle with remembering once you are triggered!!

I think as somebody who enjoys p... Etc.it is very hard to tell yourself this is not good for me, because smutz in itself once you are exposed and get used to it you cannot just tell yourself hey this stuff is not good, 

It's only when you truly give yourself over to hashem and let him lead that you can start saying things like "hashem I want this smutz thing I want to screw the world and my family I don't care about them it's only about me now I want to enjoy myself and have a good time ,when I realize that I am a selfish brat then I can say hashem please remove this from me , and your body will say noooo,and you will feel like your dying if you don't do it..... But you are trusting God that he said smutz is not good for me and he wants what is best for me and even if I don't agree with him now that's fine I trust that he wants what's best for me!

It's not about stoping to enjoy naked girls, be my guest and continue enjoying it, I know God says we can't do it but we think we know better then him anyways,right???

When will we start believing that God wants what's best for us???? Instead we look at God like he limits us, why can't I look at that girl,we ask??

This is not emunah this is coming to realize that I need to do God's will becouse if I do my will I screw it up!

Hope I was clear in writing this message

Re: Just Starting 03 Mar 2017 21:59 #307404

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chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..


It's a tough one. Because it's enjoyable and we're wired to be attracted to this stuff, and it's hard to think yourself out of it.

When I've had success isbwhen I was able to live with both realizing heck yeah, I'd love to see it, but heck no, I really don't want to act out, so I guess I'm not going to see it bc those two don't go together.

Re: Just Starting 04 Mar 2017 21:28 #307407

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chizukconstant wrote on 02 Mar 2017 14:55:
Thanks for the support. 
I don't know why I censored out that word. Probably because typing it makes my embarrassment more real to me. Its hard for me to admit that this is a problem for me even though I know it is and it has been for a long time. I wish I could be like other people that don't seem to struggle with porn. And even those that do seem to have it under control. Yet, me I'm weak. 
Yes it is true that every time I fall I end up picking myself up at some point and try again. But is that because I want to change or just because I feel so low and despicable in my eyes that I am left with no choice?
I know I want to change. Or at least I know I need to. At some point I will get caught and my life will be destroyed. But can I really imagine never looking at a naked girl again? Do I really want to give up that thrill of looking at porn?
Yes, I understand that the pain afterwards is way worse than the joy. But in some way it still seems worth it. Perhaps that is my issue. Maybe I don't want to really succeed enough to actually win this battle.

Confused..

I've had the exact same thoughts many times. I want to be sober but I also want to enjoy porn.

I spent years trying to control and enjoy lust without losing my sobriety. I felt that the problem was masturbation to completion. That was what was clearly written about in halocho. Anything less than that was not smart because because it led to masturbation, but if I could do it and get away with it, that was great.

So I would use lust to enjoy myself but try to force myself to not masturbate to completion. Anything less than that was OK in my eyes. Not smart, but not a fall, who was I hurting? Of course I always fell in the end, and always wondered why.

I have to realise that for me it's not the porn that's the problem, or the masturbation. It's the lust. The fantasy. Objectifying women I see. Imagining them naked. Wanting them. When I start that it makes me feel so uncomfortable because the more I do it the more I need a release. So of course I'll end up back watching porn eventually. Of course I'll end up touching myself 'a little too long', then thumping the table in anger "how could it have happened again!"

I've found that stress was a trigger to act out. Then I found that the feeling of stress being resolved was a trigger. Sadness was a trigger, so was happiness. Getting money, losing money. Having a late night, having a early night, etc etc.

The problem is not in the externals. It's not in my circumstances. It's in me.

Sure, learning how to cope with stress is useful. But some stress is unavoidable and will always be a potential trigger. As will smooth sailing, anger, resentments, fear, hunger. Anything. There's no point for me running away from triggers. Every aspect of life can be a trigger.

So the real question is as you so wonderfully put it. Why should I stop watching porn if I enjoy it?

Do you though? Is it still fun?

For me, watching porn is being in a very dark place. As soon as I turn it on I feel the darkness close in. I can't see anything on the other side of the darkness. I feel panic, fear, hopelessness. I need to watch the porn to numb myself from the horrible feelings caused by watching porn. It's not fun anymore, it's horrible.

Amazingly, when I give it up, not just the porn but all the lust - the fantasies, the looking at the women around me, the thinking about what it would be like, I feel fine. It's fine. There's no desperation to find porn, I'm not even fighting myself or using self-control, I just feel fine and serene. And I don't have to count days anymore, it's become irrelevant. I'm not holding on until the next relapse. All that's important is to be lust-free today.

G-d makes that possible. When I ask Him to remove my lust He's willing and able to do so. All I need to do is be willing to let Him take it away completely, no strings attached. Asking Him to take the porn while I hold onto the lust doesn't work. Half measures avail nothing. But when I allow Him to take all the lust, life becomes so much more wonderful and peaceful.

Re: Just Starting 07 Mar 2017 18:26 #307721

Wow you guys are saying good.

I fell again though. Feel like crap.
I had a good streak going a while ago. Since i fell though its been quite a rollercoaster ride. 
I especially like what tiger said.

Its true. The desire won't go away. Im always going to want to look at porn and I need to accept that. All the reasons and logic in the world won't change that right now I want to look at it and I can look at it, and there is very little stopping me from looking. But, Hashem said trust me it is not good for you. Trust me, its better not to, and i'll help you not. Just try and Ill do the rest. 
I need to stop trying to convince myself and reason with myself why I really don'y want to. Because, no reason will be good enough.
I do want to look. I do. But Hashem said no.

Trust in him. Give over the struggle to him. Ask him to fight my lust for me.

Im not giving up

Re: Just Starting 07 Mar 2017 21:47 #307738

:-) today is another day,... dust yourself off and start the next streak :-D

Re: Just Starting 07 Mar 2017 23:43 #307744

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chizukconstant wrote on 07 Mar 2017 18:26:
Wow you guys are saying good.

I fell again though. Feel like crap.
I had a good streak going a while ago. Since i fell though its been quite a rollercoaster ride. 
I especially like what tiger said.

Its true. The desire won't go away. Im always going to want to look at porn and I need to accept that. All the reasons and logic in the world won't change that right now I want to look at it and I can look at it, and there is very little stopping me from looking. But, Hashem said trust me it is not good for you. Trust me, its better not to, and i'll help you not. Just try and Ill do the rest. 
I need to stop trying to convince myself and reason with myself why I really don'y want to. Because, no reason will be good enough.
I do want to look. I do. But Hashem said no.

Trust in him. Give over the struggle to him. Ask him to fight my lust for me.

Im not giving up

Sorry about your fall.

I don't really understand your post.
No reason is good enough. But, Hashem said no is good enough? Who we kiddin'? You knew that already; what's changin' now?

Ask Him to fight for you; what does that really mean? Do you have a plan in place?

No need to answer, but perhaps the thoughts will help you/me/us.

Nice to hear that you are not givin' up.

Wishin' you hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Just Starting 08 Mar 2017 18:41 #307803

cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 23:43:

chizukconstant wrote on 07 Mar 2017 18:26:
Wow you guys are saying good.

I fell again though. Feel like crap.
I had a good streak going a while ago. Since i fell though its been quite a rollercoaster ride. 
I especially like what tiger said.

Its true. The desire won't go away. Im always going to want to look at porn and I need to accept that. All the reasons and logic in the world won't change that right now I want to look at it and I can look at it, and there is very little stopping me from looking. But, Hashem said trust me it is not good for you. Trust me, its better not to, and i'll help you not. Just try and Ill do the rest. 
I need to stop trying to convince myself and reason with myself why I really don'y want to. Because, no reason will be good enough.
I do want to look. I do. But Hashem said no.

Trust in him. Give over the struggle to him. Ask him to fight my lust for me.

Im not giving up

Sorry about your fall.

I don't really understand your post.
No reason is good enough. But, Hashem said no is good enough? Who we kiddin'? You knew that already; what's changin' now?

Ask Him to fight for you; what does that really mean? Do you have a plan in place?

No need to answer, but perhaps the thoughts will help you/me/us.

Nice to hear that you are not givin' up.

Wishin' you hatzlachah

I don't know. I really don't have the answers for the questions you ask.
Its not so much that no reason is good enough. There are so many reasons and they are all good enough.
Yet at the time I am struggling none seems to be enough.
Its almost as if these broader, long term, reasons don't bring on a feeling of a need to not look at porn right now. 
Yes, I might get caught at some point. Yes, it is ruining my marriage.. slowly.
Yes, I will end up going to hell. Yes, the urge will just keep getting worse.

But right now I want to look and those reasons won't stop me.
But maybe if I admit to myself that Yes, I want to look. And yes I no logical reason is going to stop me. But even so I chose to trust in Hashem and not look.
Maybe that will work.
Its a new approach, and I'm hoping I will succeed because the others haven't worked to well 

Re: Just Starting 08 Mar 2017 19:24 #307810

I don't know. I really don't have the answers for the questions you ask.
Its not so much that no reason is good enough. There are so many reasons and they are all good enough.
Yet at the time I am struggling none seems to be enough.

The desire is very deep and defies all logic... that is for everyone.,.. it is so crucial to make gedarim before this step... if you are fighting the urges in front of a filter free computer in solitude then the battle may already be over!

Its almost as if these broader, long term, reasons don't bring on a feeling of a need to not look at porn right now. 
Yes, I might get caught at some point. you have mentioned this more than once... not a psychologist but it almost sounds like you want to get caught... do you think that by getting caught it will push you so low it will force you to change? Yes, it is ruining my marriage.. slowly.
Yes, I will end up going to hell
don't be so sure.
Yes, the urge will just keep getting worse. not true.... the gemara says (and it is true) the more you starve the tayva the more it is satiated. 

YOU are an amazing special person who sometimes does not such great things... but that is not YOU
YOU can change and stop ... look at all the different success stories on here... are they really so different than you?



But right now I want to look and those reasons won't stop me.
But maybe if I admit to myself that Yes, I want to look. And yes I no logical reason is going to stop me.  100% true... no logic works in the throws of tayva
But even so I chose to trust in Hashem and not look.
Maybe that will work. 
Its a new approach, and I'm hoping I will succeed because the others haven't worked to well 
HATZLACHA RABBAH 
Last Edit: 08 Mar 2017 19:26 by RaabosMachshovos.

Re: Just Starting 10 Mar 2017 15:29 #307996

annon12345 wrote on 08 Mar 2017 19:24:


I don't know. I really don't have the answers for the questions you ask.
Its not so much that no reason is good enough. There are so many reasons and they are all good enough.
Yet at the time I am struggling none seems to be enough.

The desire is very deep and defies all logic... that is for everyone.,.. it is so crucial to make gedarim before this step... if you are fighting the urges in front of a filter free computer in solitude then the battle may already be over!

Its almost as if these broader, long term, reasons don't bring on a feeling of a need to not look at porn right now. 
Yes, I might get caught at some point. you have mentioned this more than once... not a psychologist but it almost sounds like you want to get caught... do you think that by getting caught it will push you so low it will force you to change? Yes, it is ruining my marriage.. slowly.
Yes, I will end up going to hell
don't be so sure.
Yes, the urge will just keep getting worse. not true.... the gemara says (and it is true) the more you starve the tayva the more it is satiated. 

YOU are an amazing special person who sometimes does not such great things... but that is not YOU
YOU can change and stop ... look at all the different success stories on here... are they really so different than you?



But right now I want to look and those reasons won't stop me.
But maybe if I admit to myself that Yes, I want to look. And yes I no logical reason is going to stop me.  100% true... no logic works in the throws of tayva
But even so I chose to trust in Hashem and not look.
Maybe that will work. 
Its a new approach, and I'm hoping I will succeed because the others haven't worked to well 
HATZLACHA RABBAH 


Definitely don't want to get caught. You here me mention it so much because truthfully its my biggest reason I want to stop. I wish I had better reasons in my lineup. I wish I was a better person who wanted to stop simply because I know looking at porn is wrong. But truthfully the fright of getting caught and the embarrassment and consequences scare me to death... when I'm not in the moment, with a craving. 

I made it to three days. I find that the first 3 are the hardest by far. It is so easy for one slip to just lead into the next. After that I sort of get used to it. The problem is that then my guard goes down and the YH catches me at the wrong moment and gets me to fall. Its hard to stay the same focused for a few days/weeks when you arent feeling that guilt anymore. 
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